Three Word Wednesday: He loves me.

I keep telling myself over and over again to be strong. Be Army Strong. Many wives have traveled this deployment road before me. Many have traveled the road multiple times. What right do I have to be sad? It's my first time though so this road is new to me.

It's too quiet in the house when my husband is gone. His presence is greatly missed. He may have his moments when he makes my blood boil, (usually it's over something insignificant like forgetting to shut a cabinet door for the millionth time) but mostly he makes my eyes light up.

What I miss most is how he leads us in prayer before every meal. Sometimes we take turns but lately he jumps right in. When we are with family or friends who are not Christians I tend to hesitate before praying; he does not. He politely tells them we pray before we eat and then gently reaches out to hold the hands of those next to him. You would have to know this man of mine to understand how huge this is.

He proudly returned home the other day displaying his new dog tags which now say he is a Christian instead of "No Religious Preference." Yep, I'm married to a man with a big heart for God.

The anticipation of him being away always draws us closer, even when only for a day or two. Our hugs and kisses linger longer. The airport drop off is delayed as long as possible. When we no longer have a choice and must say good-bye, I watch him as he walks away and admire his lean, strong body in that camouflage uniform. Thank you, God, for blessing me with this amazing man.

In a matter of minutes the text messages begin with exchanges saying, "I love you and miss you." The messages continue throughout our time apart.

I've gone on many walks this past week. It appears to be the best cure for my sadness. As I stroll along, I soak in the remaining days of warmth and sing along to the music playing through my phone. God stopped me on one of my walks as I came upon a small heart etched in to the sidewalk.

As I stare at this photo I begin to hum the words to a song by David Crowder.

"And oh, how He loves us, oh
Oh, how He loves us, how He loves us all"

~ How He Loves

I have re-written this last part about a dozen times now. I keep thinking I'm too focused on how I'm feeling and instead should be giving you a devotional on how deep God's love is for you. Should my three words be "He loves us" or "He loves you" instead? I'm certain the words He gave me were "He loves me."

My desire is always to draw you closer to Him. I'm quick to believe my words are not worthy of drawing you to Him. I let Satan's lies deceive me and instead of simply sharing my heart with you I spend far too much time trying to be someone I am not.

Here is where my heart is on the three words I am sharing with you today.

God gave me something I desperately needed this week. First, he gave me permission to be sad. I love how He used this blogging community to share truth I needed to hear.  "...give yourself the permission to feel all that your heart has been created to feel." ~ Sarah Markley, Close to the Broken-Hearted.

I also saw how present He is in my life and in my marriage. He gave me a glimpse of how He uses the time apart from my husband to draw me to a deeper dependence on Him. As I depend on Him, He gives me just what I need to endure; a peace in knowing just how much He loves me. He will meet all my needs as I continue to trust in Him.

Thank you for allowing me to write through my emotions here. Pressing publish will come with hesitation as this post feels so inward focused. My prayer is you will see what lies beneath my words. It's a desire for us all to come to a place of knowing how deep His love is for us. He loves me and He loves you too.