I am delighted to have my milspouse friend,
Lori Dunham, share with you today. As I prepare for my husband's return home her message brings needed encouragement. But even if you are non-military, you will find encouragement in her words.
Thank you, friends, for giving Lori a warm welcome.
My heart pounds hard inside my chest as I sit in traffic. My fingers tap frantically against the steering wheel as Blue’s Clues entertains my children in the back seat.
Tears spring to my eyes as I anticipate my hard work unraveling.
Because I have prepared hard and well for this day. I have spent countless hours cleaning and reorganizing every drawer and shelf in my house. I have redecorated the living room, and replaced the worn out towels and sheets with plush, high-thread count luxuries. I have washed and serviced my husband’s car and prepared his most favorite foods.
In the last seven months I have potty trained a toddler and gotten a baby to sleep through the night; I have house trained a puppy and fixed the garbage disposal, all on my own.
But I forgot about Norfolk traffic and it threatens to destroy what I had hoped would be the best Homecoming any military family could ever experience.
Finally, the traffic opens up and I rush through the gate. I grab the baby out of her car seat and enlist my son to open the stroller. My toddler grabs the hem of my coat as we race towards the crowd to find a spot in front of the row of bikers holding American flags.
I am hot and sweaty, my hair is a mess, and my baby needs a diaper change. And I come undone!!! Like a teakettle ready to boil over, the stress of the last seven months seeps out in the form of tears.
I cry as I watch the new dad’s get off first, grasping hold of their babies for the first time.
I cry as Sailors pour off the ship in search of their loved ones, and once finding them, hugging long and hard.
And it feels like forever, to spot him. He looks thinner than I remember and sharp in his crisp uniform. He grabs us all up in one big hug and I am overcome with the sameness and differences in him all at once.
I cry in to his shoulder, leaving mascara marks on his uniform that will take numerous dry cleaning trips to remove. I cry for all the moments over the last seven months that I wanted to cry on his shoulder but couldn't.
I cry happy tears for his safe return home; I cry sad tears for key moments he missed; and I cry tears of relief, knowing I no longer have to do it all alone.
And so begins our not-so-perfect homecoming!!!
We military families dream big when it comes to welcoming our Service Member home. We spend months counting down and dreaming about this day. So it is with great expectation and high hopes that we welcome them home!
But it is not always as we expected.
It seems the military is very concerned with preparing the family for the deployment, but there are not many resources for guiding us through the re-integration process. Sure, we are aware of the signs of PTSD and depression,
but how do we work through our child’s anger issues directed toward the returning parent? How do we readjust to sharing life (and the remote control) with our partner?
Stress fills our home before we get his sea bag unpacked.
It is in stress moments like these, whether military or non-military, that defines us as a family and as followers of Christ.
Do we allow ourselves to be swept up in the disappointment when he doesn't notice the changes to the house, or the fact that we cut our hair? Or do we look to the bigger picture and focus on the important things? Because, let’s face it. He really doesn't care about the curtains and the fact that his car is sparkling in the driveway. (although they are nice gestures).
He cares most about YOU!!!
There is a danger in focusing heavily on preparing our homes, if we neglect our hearts in the process. If we are lulled in to a belief that all that is wrong with our world will dissipate with the arrival of our spouse….we will be very disappointed. If we allow ourselves to believe that there will be no growing pains as he re-enters our daily life, often throwing off our rhythm and routine, frustration will fill our homes.
Instead, it is through giving thanks that we can genuinely experience a refreshing reunion.
Set out to intentionally make your homecoming one of great thanks!!! Thank the Lord as a family for your spouse’s safe return; thank Him for the extra laundry your husband brings home, and that towel thrown haphazardly on the bathroom floor. Thank Him for the time apart to genuinely appreciate the man you have married; thank Him for anything you can think to thank Him for.
Because this will set your focus on the truly important things in this life (and homecoming)!!!!
Ephesians 5:20 “always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.
1 Chronicles 16:34 “Oh give thanks to the LORD; for he is good; for his loving kindness endures forever.”
*** Lori Dunham ***
Lori Dunham is the wife of a Navy Chaplain, a mother to three energetic children, and one very lazy bassett hound. Lori’s writing is inspired by her deep desire to encourage others in their faith, and to share God’s story in her life. Her family’s ministry has taken them to the hills of Thailand, the shores of Italy, and the streets of Singapore. She shares of her struggle with secondary infertility, their great joy through adoption, and the up’s and down’s of military life at her blog,
www.standingwiththemilitaryfamily.com.
