A dear friend from church told me before I left to see my husband for the last time before he deployed that God would give us the grace needed to say good-bye right at the moment we needed.
My husband and I were truly blessed to have three full days together in San Antonio before saying goodbye. We took many walks along the River Walk holding hands and ate far too much. We enjoyed quiet evenings in our hotel room and slept in every morning holding each other. A glorious time indeed!
Then came the day neither of us wanted to come. We stopped many times while packing our bags that morning to take in another long hug.
We had a two hour drive back to the airport. Of course we had to eat another meal first before beginning our journey. After taking our seats for lunch my husband pulled my stool closer to him. This warmed my heart more than I can say...he simply wanted me right at his side.
"God, please slow down these next couple hours."
As we made our way to the airport we were both quiet in anticipation of what came next. We held hands lost in our own thoughts.
The moment I saw the airport those tears began to fall. I was ready for that grace my friend said God would give us because my heart hurt. Taking deep breaths did not stop the tears.
We walked in to that dreaded airport; my husband looked at me and said, "You can't cry yet."
"God, can I please have that grace now?"
I was flying out of a small airport in Texas primarily used by military since it's located near one of the largest military bases in the U.S. There were no lines to get through security and my gate was right on the other side of security. Because of this, we were able stay together almost right up until my departure time.
We found a table and instead of sitting on my own chair I sat on his lap. I wrapped my arms around him and we both sobbed.
"God, can we please have that grace now?"
In that moment, He gave us both just enough grace to calm our cries. Instead of crying we held each other tightly. I whispered to my husband, "You come home to me, Dear."
Tears came again when we had our final embrace. But God did give us everything we needed to let go. I crossed through security with one last look back at the man I love and knew God was with us.
The past couple days have been hard. My heart hurts deeply. I've debated whether or not to take a break from blogging. Calling it quits for the month has sounded somewhat appealing. Words said by my pastor on Sunday lead me to keep on writing.
"We can't make this without Him."
Why did those words from my pastor convince me to keep on writing? I know I can't make it without Him and I don't want you to try and make it without Him.
I have read many posts and devotionals these past couple days about Advent season and how this is the time when we wait expectantly and with hope for our promised Savior. I'm in a season of waiting as I now wait for my husband to return home. But I'm also waiting for Him.
Will you join me in waiting for His arrival? As we wait, I pray He reveals Himself to us in a way that increases our faith and trust in Him. And may we be reminded that we never wait alone. He is with us.
Dear Beth
ReplyDeleteOh, my heart hurts with you, my friend. For how long is your husband deployed? Your pastor spoke wise words. I can only say from battling with a chronic illness, but I know that I cannot survive one day without the grace that we only find in Jesus. And I am thankful that you do not try to be this brave army wife; no, you share your struggles and longing and that encourages me so much!M
Blessings XX
Mia
Thank you sweet Mia. You always touch my heart. My husband will be gone about ten months. I'm praying the time goes by quickly but so very thankful I don't do this alone. I know I could not do this with out Him. And I'm so very grateful for the people He has placed in my life for love and support.
DeleteLove you,
Beth
Beth - Thank you for sharing your heart here. It literally has moved me to tears this morning. As I read this, I realized that grace is continuing on to do what He has called us to do - even when we are hurting. And it is His grace that enables us to do so. Praying for you, my friend!
ReplyDeleteJoanne, your words are so good and true. I believe with all my heart He called us to be a military family. And by trusting Him I know He will be with us and do amazing things to strength us during this time apart. I could not do it without His grace! Love you, Beth.
DeleteBeth- Thank you for making me cry so early in the morning. Your sweet and holy love with your husband is amazing, and I can't imagine how hard the separation is. I am thankful you are still writing, but know that all of us are here for you if you feel you need a break. We love you and are praying for you during this season. So thankful for His grace. {Hugs}
ReplyDeleteThank you sweet friend. I find so much comfort in writing so taking a break feels hard, but I am thinking I may take the last two weeks of December off since my son will be home. Your kind words and prayers mean so much.
DeleteLove you,
Beth
Beth,
ReplyDeleteI understand this season you are in but not as a wife but as a Army mom. Every time my baby girl walked back thorugh those gates for her deployment, His grace was the only thing that held me. I could not allow myself to cry in front of her, had to put on my " you got this babygirl momma face" and then I bawled once she had walked out of mu sight. My pryaers for you suring this season and if you need a break, take it! We will all be here when you get back :)
Xoxoxo
Oh Stacy I can relate to the mom side too as my son is in the Navy. I've been unable to hold back those tears when I say goodbye to him. He has come to know they are part of the goodbye. :)
DeleteThank you to your son for his service. Thank you for your prayers.
Much love,
Beth
Dear Beth,
ReplyDeleteMy heart hurts for both you and your husband. I am kneeling with you at our Lord's throne, holding His gift of grace in our hands. Sending hugs across the oceans. Xxx
Thank you so much, Anita! Sending hugs back your way. {Hugs}
DeleteOh, Beth! This is a beautiful, straight-from-the-heart post. I know this must be such a difficult time for you. When I had to say good-bye to my son at the airport as he went back to Iraq, I tried to hold it together (very hard!!) but as soon as I waved good-bye and turned around, the tears wouldn't stop. I think the tears were a good release of emotions, though. I'm continuing to pray for God to give you (and your husband) strength and courage as you go through this time apart. I'm so glad that you are still going to be writing as maybe that will help you to not feel so alone, you know?
ReplyDeleteBlessings to you AND your family!
Joan
They are never easy are they? I'm always reminded of how God holds all are tears...I do agree they are a good release of emotions. Thank you for your prayers. So grateful for the many wonderful friends God has placed in my life.
DeleteMuch love,
Beth
What a beautiful and heart-wrenching post. Your heart is beautiful, friend!
ReplyDeleteThank you, Kristin.
DeleteGod's Grace is amazing. Many times I have thought he was failing me or forgot about me, those were the moments he was holding me the most. The footprints poem is seen a lot, every time I read it I reflect on a different aspect of my life. Thank you for sharing.
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing, Debbie. I do love that footprints poem. God is SO good isn't He? It still amazes me.
DeleteMuch love,
Beth
It's been a tough couple of days at our house, but your story has encouraged my heart. Let's keep walking forward in faith together. God is good.
ReplyDeletePraying for you. xoxo
Will keep you in my prayers too, Lyli. He is SO good.
DeleteMuch love and hugs,
Beth
I had no idea what advent really was until last year. I just 'assumed' it was a particular religion and I had never done it so I stayed away. But when I looked at what it really meant, I was excited. Last year I did the Good Morning Girls advent alone and with my kids and loved it. This year we are doing the Adventures in Odyessy advent and it is so fun!
ReplyDeleteThank you for linking with Woman to Woman's Word Filled Wednesday! God bless!
Thank you for sharing, Jenifer. I've been trying to follow along with the Good Morning Girls this year too. I'm glad to hear of the fun you are having with your children in celebrating the Advent season.
DeleteThanks for joining us for TWW.
Many blessings,
Beth
Oh Beth, my heart hurts for you! Yet I know God is with you and with your husband. He will help you through this lonely time and keep your husband safe. We will all pray with you and for you and be your support group! We hope you continue to write. It will be your therapy :) You are a blessing!! Much love friend...♥
ReplyDeleteYou are so sweet, Nannette. THANK YOU! I know God will be with us through every moment and He has given us such a wonderful support group. You are so correct...writing is great therapy, but a little break towards the end of the month may be needed. :)
DeleteMuch love to you,
Beth
Oh, sweet Beth, I'm in tears as I read your post. The goodbyes are the worst...but without them we don't get to experience the sweet and joyous reunions. Prayers abound for safety for your man, peace for your heart, and time to speed along until you are reunited! Much love!
ReplyDeleteOh your comment made me smile because yes...without them we don't get the joy of the reunion. I'm counting down until that day!
DeleteThank you for your prayers, Holly.
Love you,
Beth
Beth, What a precious post. My heart goes out to you as you wait for your husbands return. I'm glad you haven't decided to take a break from blogging. I think, perhaps, for us writers, that our words are a way for us to connect more deeply with our Lord. In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was God, and the Word was God. John 1:1. Blessings, Kasey
ReplyDeleteThank you so much, Kasey. Your comment truly blessed me tonight.
DeleteMany blessings,
Beth
Beth, my heart goes out to you and every military spouse. While mine may be gone more often it is never for that stretch or danger (the occasional trip through pirate seas aside). God bless you and fill you with His grace. God be with you as you are apart.
ReplyDeleteSo nice to have you hear snipewife. Thank you for sharing. And yes, mine goes out to all. Any amount of time apart from our loved one is too long. Thank you to your husband for his service and to you for supporting him.
DeleteI hope you will continue to join us for Three Word Wednesday.
God bless,
Beth
Thank you so much Beth for sharing the intimacy of your marriage with all of us... That's the way God does it. He's real even when it's messy... Praying for you and Scott... thought of you both all day... His peace,
ReplyDeleteLinda
It makes me smile when you leave a comment, Linda. THANK YOU!. Thank you for your prayers. Let's do that coffee soon.
DeleteLove you,
Beth
Beth,
ReplyDeleteOh how my heart aches for you! May you be lifted up and carried by the prayers of others. It is so like you to be unselfish and want help others through what they are dealing with in Christ's power. But, be good to yourself too...it is ok to pause sometimes (even Jesus needed to be away from the world at times). Praying for you my dear friend. What a beautiful post...had me in tears. Thinking of you with lots of love and of course ((hugs)),
Bev
I'm so grateful for you!! I promise, I'm being good to myself and some rest is on the agenda for the weeks ahead. Love you and {hugs},
DeleteBeth
Oh my...this brings tears to my eyes...I am praying for you Beth.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Mary. How kind of you to stop in and I'm grateful for your prayers.
DeleteJust enough for today. Supporting you today.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Pattie!
DeleteI am crying with you Beth. I can't imagine! Praying for you right now. (((hugs))) God bless you and your family -- bringing your husband home safe and sound even sooner than you expect.
ReplyDeleteMuch love!
Beth
Thank you for your prayers, Beth. I'm keeping you in my prayers too.
DeleteMuch love and hugs,
Beth
Praise our God that He always comes through at the right time! My heart was hurting for you as I read this, but I do know that His grace will continue until the day Scott returns!
ReplyDeleteLove you my dear friend,
Joanne
I love you!! Thank you for all your love and support, Joanne. I'm so grateful God placed you in my life.
DeleteGrace sufficient for each day. Sometimes each hour. Tight hugs to you, Beth. I look forward to seeing you next week, my dear.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Alison. I can't wait to meet you later this week!!!
DeleteTears here, my friend. Tears ...
ReplyDeleteJust sitting with you a while, holding your hand.
Jennifer, I don't know how to properly thank you for the love you showed towards me on Friday. Thank you for your prayers and thank you for sharing with our lovely blogging community and asking them to join you in praying for my family. It was so heart-warming. I've been humbled by all the love and support. I'm so grateful to God for the people He has placed in my life. What a beautiful gift community is.
DeleteLove you!!
Just stunning, Beth. You have me right back there in my own moments of goodbye, and refresh my Hope still today.
ReplyDeleteYou know I'm praying for you, girl. And holding your hand next to Jennifer, too. Much love always!
Thank you, Kristen, for all your encouragement and your continued prayers. I'm so grateful for you. Much love and hugs,
DeleteBeth
Beth, I missed this post of yours and found myself tearful as I read it. Truly, God is our All. We can do nothing without Him and I am so very grateful that we have Him to hold and to love, that He comforts us and loves us right to the marrow of our bone. Oh, how blessed we are.
ReplyDeleteloving you, my sister Beth, ~ linda