Wednesday, September 10, 2014

Three Word Wednesday: A Thanks-GIVING Homecoming {Guest Post}


I am delighted to have my milspouse friend, Lori Dunham, share with you today. As I prepare for my husband's return home her message brings needed encouragement. But even if you are non-military, you will find encouragement in her words.

Thank you, friends, for giving Lori a warm welcome.


My heart pounds hard inside my chest as I sit in traffic. My fingers tap frantically against the steering wheel as Blue’s Clues entertains my children in the back seat.

Tears spring to my eyes as I anticipate my hard work unraveling. Because I have prepared hard and well for this day. I have spent countless hours cleaning and reorganizing every drawer and shelf in my house. I have redecorated the living room, and replaced the worn out towels and sheets with plush, high-thread count luxuries. I have washed and serviced my husband’s car and prepared his most favorite foods.

In the last seven months I have potty trained a toddler and gotten a baby to sleep through the night; I have house trained a puppy and fixed the garbage disposal, all on my own.

But I forgot about Norfolk traffic and it threatens to destroy what I had hoped would be the best Homecoming any military family could ever experience.

Finally, the traffic opens up and I rush through the gate. I grab the baby out of her car seat and enlist my son to open the stroller. My toddler grabs the hem of my coat as we race towards the crowd to find a spot in front of the row of bikers holding American flags.


I am hot and sweaty, my hair is a mess, and my baby needs a diaper change. And I come undone!!! Like a teakettle ready to boil over, the stress of the last seven months seeps out in the form of tears.

I cry as I watch the new dad’s get off first, grasping hold of their babies for the first time.

I cry as Sailors pour off the ship in search of their loved ones, and once finding them, hugging long and hard.

And it feels like forever, to spot him. He looks thinner than I remember and sharp in his crisp uniform. He grabs us all up in one big hug and I am overcome with the sameness and differences in him all at once.

I cry in to his shoulder, leaving mascara marks on his uniform that will take numerous dry cleaning trips to remove. I cry for all the moments over the last seven months that I wanted to cry on his shoulder but couldn't.

I cry happy tears for his safe return home; I cry sad tears for key moments he missed; and I cry tears of relief, knowing I no longer have to do it all alone.

And so begins our not-so-perfect homecoming!!!



We military families dream big when it comes to welcoming our Service Member home. We spend months counting down and dreaming about this day. So it is with great expectation and high hopes that we welcome them home!

But it is not always as we expected. 

It seems the military is very concerned with preparing the family for the deployment, but there are not many resources for guiding us through the re-integration process. Sure, we are aware of the signs of PTSD and depression, but how do we work through our child’s anger issues directed toward the returning parent?  How do we readjust to sharing life (and the remote control) with our partner?  

Stress fills our home before we get his sea bag unpacked.

It is in stress moments like these, whether military or non-military, that defines us as a family and as followers of Christ.  

Do we allow ourselves to be swept up in the disappointment when he doesn't notice the changes to the house, or the fact that we cut our hair? Or do we look to the bigger picture and focus on the important things? Because, let’s face it. He really doesn't care about the curtains and the fact that his car is sparkling in the driveway. (although they are nice gestures). He cares most about YOU!!!

There is a danger in focusing heavily on preparing our homes, if we neglect our hearts in the process. If we are lulled in to a belief that all that is wrong with our world will dissipate with the arrival of our spouse….we will be very disappointed. If we allow ourselves to believe that there will be no growing pains as he re-enters our daily life, often throwing off our rhythm and routine, frustration will fill our homes.

Instead, it is through giving thanks that we can genuinely experience a refreshing reunion.  

Set out to intentionally make your homecoming one of great thanks!!! Thank the Lord as a family for your spouse’s safe return; thank Him for the extra laundry your husband brings home, and that towel thrown haphazardly on the bathroom floor. Thank Him for the time apart to genuinely appreciate the man you have married; thank Him for anything you can think to thank Him for. Because this will set your focus on the truly important things in this life (and homecoming)!!!! 

Ephesians 5:20 “always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.

1 Chronicles 16:34 “Oh give thanks to the LORD; for he is good; for his loving kindness endures forever.”

*** Lori Dunham ***

Lori Dunham is the wife of a Navy Chaplain, a mother to three energetic children, and one very lazy bassett hound. Lori’s writing is inspired by her deep desire to encourage others in their faith, and to share God’s story in her life.  Her family’s ministry has taken them to the hills of Thailand, the shores of Italy, and the streets of Singapore. She shares of her struggle with secondary infertility, their great joy through adoption, and the up’s and down’s of military life at her blog, www.standingwiththemilitaryfamily.com.

25 comments:

  1. Hi Lori,
    Thanks so much for sharing on Beth's blog. As a non-military spouse, your writing gave me just a glimpse of what you deal with. Thank you for the sacrifices you and your family make in order to support our service men and women!!
    Blessings,
    Bev

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    1. Thank you so much Bev. I am honored to share our experiences here!!!

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  2. Lori-Thank you for sharing your words here and your husband with our country. Please express my sincere thanks for all of the sacrifice. These words add layers of real life to the pictures of homecomings that I see on the news. I'm grateful to have a peek behind the curtain and to have more appreciation for the struggles of being a military family... even in the homecomings. I loved this line: "There is a danger in focusing heavily on preparing our homes, if we neglect our hearts in the process. " Perfect!

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  3. Lori-I read this through tears flowing down my cheeks. I have not been involved in the military life in anyway but your words about preparing your heart go for any kind of life changes. Making room for God first will allow everything else a place and it will be good. Your post was just beautiful and how blessed you are to be friends with Beth. Blessings!

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    1. Your words, so true in making room for God first no matter your life situation. Thank you so much for your kind words and I am so blessed by Beth, as I'm sure you all are as well, and her encouraging words!!!

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  4. Many blessings to you and your precious family, Lori! Thank you for your many sacrifices for our country and for sharing your life with us. I can't even imagine how difficult it can get at times. It sounds like you have a beautiful mindset and faith which will serve you well :)! So nice to meet you today.

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  5. Wow - Lori, this was such a beautiful read and heart-warming story of real life - one that needs to be told for those who do not experience the hardship of military life. Thank you. And THANK YOU to the hubs for his service! I really enjoyed this - have a fantastic day!

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    1. Thank you Ginger. Praying you have a fantastic day and I so appreciate your kind words!

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  6. Lori, thank you for giving us a glimpse into your heart & all that it grapples with as a military wife. Much gratitude to you & your family for serving me even while I was unaware. I am praying today for you - may our God bless you & your family with His Presence, His joy and meet your needs. Grateful to have been here today! Blessings!

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    1. Thank you so much for your prayer and blessings!!!

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  7. Such a wide range of emotions. Thank you for giving us a glimpse into your life and the sacrifices military families make on the home front.

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  8. Yay, yay, yay!! So glad your hubs is home-- thanks for sharing this, Lori! I know that yes, sometimes post-deployment heart prep is more important than what color the living room curtains are or how much dog hair is ground into the carpet. With my beloved serving in the army, I am STILL learning how to readjust when he returns, be it from a couple nights away to a few weeks to several months. Thanks so much for sharing today. Much love!

    PS: Beth-- still counting down and celebrating in advance with you :-) Hope Hawaii is rocking your face off!

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    1. Sharita, I laughed when I read your words about dog hair ground in to the carpet, because yes, I do obsess over those little things in preparing for a homecoming. Praying for you and your military family today!!

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  9. Lori- your post made me smile. As a navy brat I so loved the homecoming! I was a kid and of course had no idea of the prep involved. I thank my mom now more than ever for all she did and was when my dad was at sea. And I thank God that all the stress I go through now will escape my children's future memories. Now I still struggle with the clean home, the disrupted schedules, and disappointment of plans gone awry- thank you so much for the reminder to keep things in perspective. God is so so good all the time. Love and blessings to you!

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    1. I am always so happy to hear from grown military brats!!! It's good to know our children survive, even thrive the up's and down's of military life....and even cherish the memories. Praying for you and your family!!! And yes, God is good, all the time!!!!

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  10. Lori, thank you for the sacrifices that your family is making for all of our families. -- Your words here ministered to me -- because life is not always wrapped up in the pretty bow that I want it to be. Thanks for reminding me of what my heart attitude and mind's focus needs to be.

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    1. Yes, as much as we want our lives to be perfect, they never are!!! Thank you for your kind words here today!!!

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  11. Hi Lori! How nice to meet you! What a beautiful story of meeting your husband. It was beautiful, really. It was perfect because it ended with you in his arms. Sure, there are trials ahead, but right then, life is beautiful. Everything is good. You ran the race, you competed well, and the finish line is your family together again. Wonderful!
    Blessings,
    Ceil

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  12. I so appreciate you sharing your story of how you to prepare for your hubby's safe arrival home.

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  13. Thank you for sharing, and a special thank you for your husband's (and your families) blessed sacrifice to this country! �� It seems that all too often we use every bit of energy we possess to be cheerful, outgoing, and “all together” when preparing our hearts and homes for those we love, but really it's the attitudes we walk into the door with and the simple things we do, that set the mood in our homes. Our homes should be mixed with love, honor and respect and we should embrace all of our work with joy , with purpose, and with value. Blessings Lori!

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  14. My husband travels - and used to travel a.lot! Not for 7 months at a time, though. I do know about that re-entry process - when they come home and you are ready right.then. to share the burden - but the re-entry doesn't allow a right.then. It's like getting into a hot tub - they need to ease themselves in - so now I add days after he returns for when I can expect right.then. For a week, it's one day. If jet-lag is involved - it's at least 48 hours. So for every week he's gone + jet lag, I add a day. I don't know what seven months was like. I know he was gone one semester except for weekends - so there was really no time for those 1 days. Wishing you blessing and cushioning in this re-entry - both of you - Lori and Beth - praying that God gives you that additional strength. Thank you both for being the women you are so that your husband's can be the great protectors of our nation.

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  15. villa pacet
    i want you visit Indonesia. is very beautifuly Country. :)

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