I sat on our living room sofa Tuesday evening wrapped in a warm blanket in need of something . . . anything. My heart hurt. My husband sat in the kitchen, just one room over. I knew he'd listen to me as I made attempts to process emotions with his always compassionate heart but I did not know where to begin. Instead, I choose sleep. It too was needed.
This thing which causes my sadness is not something my husband and I can fix. We need to surrender this -- them -- to God. There's truth in these words by Oswald Chambers from My Utmost for His Highest: “You may often have to watch Jesus Christ wreck a life before He saves it.”
I won't write about the thing which makes me sad, at least not yet. What I will tell you is there’s no shortness of seeing Gods goodness and faithfulness even while my heart breaks.
He's my strength. And He keeps using that husband of mine to hold me up.
In the midst of sadness I also have joy. I see God weaving His way into the life of my boys, one more so than the other. How can I not rejoice when one tells me, “I think I might be coming around, Mom?”
While I may not be able to get through a day without tears, God always gives me a reason to give Him praise.
He expands my heart with a desire to love more and to love well.
I follow along with others as Kara Tippetts touches lives, even after her death. Kara “considered every moment a gift and an opportunity to learn more about Grace and trusting God; she believed suffering was not an absence of beauty, but an opportunity to understand God’s love on a deeper level.”
Can’t I too?
These tears that fall are for reasons which seem small compared to the suffering Kara and her family endured, and continue to endure. But they still matter to God. He catches my tears and whispers . . .
I am faithful
I am doing something good
Trust in me
Live fully awake
See the beauty of each moment
Choose love, it will not fail you
I will not fail you
For love always wins
“Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends.” ~~ 1 Corinthians 13:7-8a
I wipe the tears from my eyes once again and whisper back, “Yes, I will choose love. Keep showing me the way. I will keep following You.”
Love you sweet Beth! May God hold you tightly in His embrace and continue to show you His love through your husband and those around you. These words share such truth and such honesty about real life. I love your open heart and so does God. Hugs from Ohio!!!
ReplyDeleteOh, Beth, you are my next-door neighbor at Kristin's tonight and am so thankful that I have come by. I hold some emotional roller coasters in my heart these days and am not really sure why. I am quiet about it all for I understand it NOT. Even my husband asked me last night if I was ok. I am but I am not. You know, I think, what I am trying to say. There are no words yet it is there. I, too, have been following Kara and am so moved by the testimony that I have seen these past weeks and months. It was follow me for always, I imagine, until I meet her in Heaven.
ReplyDeleteI hold you in prayer for your sadness. Please hold me too.
With love, ~ linda
Praying for you, Beth! You know He catches your tears in a bottle - He understands them even more than you! It's hard to watch those we love choose the hard path - but, like we said, we choose love - and that love choice will prevail! Shalom, sweet friend!
ReplyDelete~Maryleigh
Oh Beth, I am holding you close to my heart in prayer tonight. Yes, God is good, and you will see His goodness in your situation soon. Love you!
ReplyDeleteHe is faithful, Beth. He is doing something good. Trust in Him...Praying for you, my friend, and my heart aches for you, too. Peace and rest in the waiting. xxoo
ReplyDeleteYes, sometimes we just need to cry. It can be a healing rain that releases all the fear and sadness backed up somewhere deep that threatens to undo us.
ReplyDeleteAnd then His loving comfort and wisdom makes its way to the forefront and we hear Him whisper, 'peace, be still ...'
Hugs, dear Beth.
Praying with and for you Beth, for your heart and the burdens upon you. Love always wins, covers a multitude of sin, is His banner over us, paid the price on the Cross, and meets us in our moment of need.
ReplyDeletePraying for the seeds you are sowing to multiply.
Love,
Dawn
This is touching and beautiful And yes - God is good, faithful and will hold you up and together! Isaiah 41:10 sister
ReplyDeleteI love your words here and the way you love others, even in the sadness. I'm so glad you linked up with #ThreeWordWednesday. You know you're in my prayers, friend. Love you.
ReplyDeleteSweet Beth. Can you feel His arms around you? They are there. Every tear matters to Him. Holding you close in prayer today and every day, my friend.
ReplyDeleteHolding on to His love in the midst of pain, it's all we really can do. You are so right, love always wins. He always has a plan. But the waiting can be hard can't it? Lifting you today in prayer that God bring you peace and comfort as you walk this path...
ReplyDeleteLove love love you, friend.
ReplyDeleteOh sweet Beth. There are things that hurt us, and then there are things that wound us deeper than we think we can bear. I know of your pain, and I have been praying. It's so hard to let go of situations, especially when we want to be *fixing* instead. I suppose there is no other thing to do than trust that the Lord is working out HIS story in the lives of others. And may He bring us the peace to rest in that place.
ReplyDeleteGOD BLESS.
Beth,
ReplyDeleteWhat powerful words from Oswald Chambers...but even more brutal is watching God wreck a life in order to change it. You have come through so much...lifting you up in prayer right now!!!
Love you,
Bev xoxo
Just lifted you up in prayers. God is with you, Beth.
ReplyDeleteDearest friends, I would not normally respond with one comment to you all, but it's been a full week. I do read each and every comment you leave and am so grateful for ALL of your prayers. They have so been felt. You are a blessing to me in so many ways. Much love. xoxo
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