Three Word Wednesday: Bread of Life

It was a long and cold winter. While it may officially be spring, it doesn't feel like spring. The absence of the sun and lack of warmer temperatures has made me weary. As said by my friend Rebekah, “Spring meet winter… winter I’d love to introduce you to spring. Your pure white coat is beautiful, but I need some colour in my life now. Please, kindly step aside.”

I agree. Step aside winter. Say hello spring.

There are other reasons for my weariness though, besides the lack of sun and warmth.

My husband is currently away serving our country in harm’s way. It’s hard—very hard. I miss him constantly.

God also laid it on my heart to give up my eating disorder for lent. Refraining from my eating disorder behaviors comes with anxiety. There are times the anxiety has me wanting to crawl out of my own skin. It’s a sensation hard to explain.

I have previously tried to let go of my eating disorder—multiple times in fact. There were one or two times I went longer than the five weeks it has now been. The day eventually came when temptation won and I failed. Satan convinced me I’m anything but beautiful and I succumbed to the ever so momentary comfort found in the behaviors of my eating disorder. It has been a cycle of seeking comfort in anything other than Christ.

What makes me think this time will be any different from the previous attempts? I don’t even have the strength of my husband to rely on. If anything, my husband being away makes the behaviors easier.

I believe God has been preparing for such a time as this (Esther 4:14). Just like Jesus taught His disciples to think differently about life, He needed to teach me to think differently. And failure was part of the learning process.

My previous attempts and failures taught me how much I need Him. If I did not fail there would be no reason to go running to Him for help. Failing brought me to my hands and knees in complete surrender saying, "I need you." Failing taught me lasting comfort can only be found in Him.

Lysa Terkeurst writes in her book Made to Crave, "God created us—with a longing to be filled. It’s a longing God instilled to draw us into deep intimacy with Him." She says "…food was never meant to fulfill the deepest places of our hearts reserved for God alone. Not on the good days. Not on the bad days. And not even on the stinkin’, rotten, horrible no good days."

In John 6:35, Jesus says, "I am the bread of life. Whoever comes to me will never go hungry, and whoever believes in me will never be thirsty."

Obviously, I need the nourishment of food to sustain my physical life. The eating disorder behaviors need to stop. Jesus was not talking about physical bread though. He was telling His disciples to stop worrying about their physical needs—He would give them everything they need.

I read the verses that follow John 6:35 in the Message translation:

"Every person the Father gives me eventually comes running to me. And once that person is with me, I hold on and don’t let go. I came down from heaven not to follow my own whim but to accomplish the will of the One who sent me." ~ John 6:36-37

The word “eventually” caught my attention. As I shared earlier, Jesus needed to teach me to think differently before I was ready and willing to let go of my eating disorder and come running to Him for help. And He has been teaching me. He teaches me through time in scripture, prayer and worship. This time of learning has taught me to trust in Him and fostered a more intimate relationship.

I've learned how He does hold on and never let’s go. Because He is with me, I can accomplish the will of the One who sent Him. God’s will for me is to find freedom from that which keeps me from fully unwrapping His love for me.

"He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things?" ~ Romans 8:32

God has prepared me for such a time as this.
I have everything I need.
I have Christ—the bread of life.
It’s going to be okay.