Duane Scott of Scribing the Journey recently wrote on his Facebook page, "The hardest part of writing is penning the first sentence. From there on, it’s a wild and dangerous fight to the end." Sharing his quote sounded like a wonderful way to begin this post when I have no idea how to begin.
I’m sitting at Panera Bread eating a chicken and avocado salad (which is way too big, by the way) and drinking a much needed vanilla latte. I come here to get away from the quietness of my home. I desperately miss my husband. I miss him so much it hurts.
It’s snowing again. It looks beautiful but it feels like added weight I can no longer carry.
A book by Max Lucado, Safe in the Shepherds Arms, sits in front of me. The introduction begins with the words, "Come to me." Lucado shares the words from Matthew 11:28 and then writes,
"If we let him, God will lighten our load, but how do we let him?"
He invites and old friend to show us – the Twenty-third Psalm. This book by Lucado is Hope and Encouragement from Psalm 23.
I find it ironic my husband would send this book home. It was included in a package he mailed home to free up needed space in his small living quarters. It upset me when I first saw the book in his box of stuff. I worry about him being drawn away from God while he's away even though he has not given me a reason to worry. Maybe God knew I needed the book more than my husband.
The introduction of the book includes the words from Psalm 23. They are familiar words even though I’m a somewhat new Christian. As Lucado writes, "Do more beloved words exist?"
I arrive at the words ‘He restores my soul.’
As I watch the snow come down at a faster speed my brain tells me I should make my way home – my heart says, God, restore my soul.
We need a God "who, while so mind-numbingly might, can come in the soft of night and touch you with the tenderness of April snow. You need Yahweh. And, according to David, you have one. He is your Shepherd."
I’m trying hard to hold back the tears. I've done my share of crying over the weekend. The tears have been rather uncontrollable. Loneliness consumes me. I feel ill-equipped to handle the curve balls being thrown my way. I want God to make it all stop but that is not what he promises. But He promises to lead me out.
"Your shepherd knows that you were not made for this place. He knows you are not equipped for this place. So he has come to guide you out. He has come to restore your soul..."
I don’t doubt my Shepherd will come to lead me out. He always comes. It may not always be in the soft of night but He comes. Most times He comes when I take this pen and write the first sentence that was so hard to write. When I write I find Him. I never really lost Him; I only took my eyes off of Him.
These tears may fall but they remind me to lift my eyes up to the sky and ask Him to give my weary soul strength. As I look up with my eyes focused on Him I’m captivated. I’m captivated by all He is – beyond anything I will ever fully understand.
"Captivate us, Lord Jesus
Set our eyes on You
Devastate us with Your presence
Falling down
And rushing river, draw us nearer
Holy fountain consume us with You
Captivate us Lord Jesus, with You"
~ Captivate Us, by Watermark
These tears may continue to fall but they draw me closer and closer to Him. So fall if they must because all I want – everything I need – is Him. He is the one who restores my soul.
