 |
| Original photo by friend Judd Johnson |
How do I begin? My three words this week are: An Honest Heart. The proper place to begin would then be to honestly share my heart with you.
I'm hurting. My heart hurts. I honestly thought I'd be emotionally prepared for my husband's deployment. I am not.
I cry a lot these days. I'm fond of long walks because the time alone allows me to have a good cry. I take my phone, plug in the headphones, click on Pandora and off I go. Before long the now familiar tears start falling. I cry in the car, shower and just about any place where I'm alone. On Monday night I returned home from work and fell in to my husband's arms in tears.
I know without a doubt God is with me—He is with us. I'm sure of the path He placed my family on: the path of being a military family. I'm sure He will do something good with this new season.
It does not change the fact that my heart hurts. I'm also realizing I'm not the only one with hurting heart.
My husband and I sat in front of our church youth group this past Sunday to talk about courage. We were there to share our hearts on being brave to do what we must do even when we are afraid. I'm confident it will be a piece of cake for my husband so I told him the baton was being passed to him.
He began by saying thank you to the children for the support they have shown to our troops. Then he shared a few verses that spoke about courage. He turned the focus inward and began to tell them he would soon deploy. This strong soldier of mine couldn't get the words out while trying to hold back tears. I took the microphone from him and God did one of his many miracles. He gave me the courage to tell these children where we will draw our strength from.
It's didn't take long for us to fall in to a rhythm as we took turns with the microphone. We appeared to have the full attention of the youth group so I'd say it went well.
Earlier that morning we made plans to spend the evening with our youngest son and his girlfriend. We are making it a priority to spend more time with them. Our oldest son will also return home for a brief visit the end of the month. This new season will have an impact on the entire family so I'm grateful for the small window we will have to be together again. Our son is scheduled to deploy next year so our time together will be precious.
Family and friends will join us one evening to celebrate my husband's heart to serve and protect our country. Have we gone overboard with our plans? I believe our hearts are in the right place. We know we can not do this on our own. God will want to use others to lend a helping hand.
My honest heart needs you to know I will need you. I also want you to know how thankful I am for you. To every single one of my followers I say, Thank You.
Building a relationship with you is important to me. I do my best to visit your blog, leave you some comment love and engage with you on Facebook or Twitter. But when I'm sitting in front of the computer that means I'm not where I should be. I'm afraid of losing you so I keep trying to balance my time.
Right now, I'm unable to keep up and it's hurting this heart of mine even more. Not keeping up makes me feel like I have failed as your friend. As much as I want to try harder, I know I need to follow advice received this past week: "Take care of YOU!! You matter to God and he wants you to take good care of his fearfully and wonderfully made treasure!!!!!"
Taking care of me includes focusing my attention on my family. My husband and children need me. I need them.
I'm committed to this weekly Three Word Wednesday link-up no matter what. God is doing something fabulous with the words you share. To lend a helping hand, a friend will be guest posting here next week. If you are interested in guest posting for a future Three Word Wednesday, I'd love to have you here or you can also host at your place. You can email me at simplybeth3(at)gmail(dot)com.
I'm hopeful I can still manage my Monday Snapshot Love and For your Sunday posts. They do stand a good chance of being brief or skipped. Five Minute Friday may need to take a back seat for now. God has the lead.
Friends, you hold a special place in my heart. I treasure your friendship. Staying away completely would be too hard. However, if you do not hear from me quite as often these next several weeks please know "I have not stopped giving thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers." ~ Ephesians 1:16
God bless.
Oh Beth, I want to tell you everything will be ok and that you'll find the strength and the the hope that will bring you through your separation - but I know that there will be times when those words will feel empty compared to the memory of your husband's presence and his arms. It's ok when you feel like that. It's ok when you have to create boundaries, when you say 'enough', and when you say 'no'. You will lean into your community of support more - and it's ok. You will accept help with grace. It's ok. If you need an ear that's not right there, please feel free to write to me. If you don't - it's ok. You are strong in your faith; even in separation, you and your husband (and soon enough, son) share the same God, the same Jesus, and the same Holy Spirit. How cool is that. With love, Janet
ReplyDeleteThank you, Janet. I love God's timing in connecting the two of us. It's helpful to have those I can turn to who have already walked this journey. I'm thankful for your encouraging words today. I've had the similar thought on how awesome it is that we share the same God. I love knowing He is with me, but He is also with my husband and no one receives anything less than the others. It's mind boggling but awesome. Thank you for your love and support.
DeleteBeth - Before I can even link up, I must leave a comment. Feel free to put it all on hold. We will all be here no matter what. Our bond is not formed because we post, or leave comments, or link up. No, friend, the bond is Christ Who knits hearts together. You have not failed us. I pray that at this time in which you need all of us that we do not fail you. The one thing I know without a doubt is that He. Will. Not. Fail. You! Oops more than 3 words probably because He truly is MORE!
ReplyDeleteLove & Blessings be upon you & yours in abundance!
Joanne
"The bond is Christ who knits hearts together." Amen!! I needed this today Joanne. Thank you. Your comment truly lifted my spirits this morning. I'm so grateful for you an this beautiful blogging community. God is doing wonderful things in this cyber-world. He truly is MORE and I know will give me everything I need. Love and blessings to you. Beth
DeleteLifting you up in this new season, Beth. You're right to focus on your family. Everything else can wait. I'm not linking up, but I will give you 3 words:
ReplyDeleteHe is sufficient.
Hugs from VA :)
Thank you, Susan. Your prayers have been felt and I love those three words. Thank you for sharing. Hugs to you too.
DeleteBlessings,
Beth
Beth, sending you virtual ((hugs)) friend. No need to worry about about losing followers. Those true connections have a way of sticking with us through the quiet seasons. I have found that blogging goes through seasons just as our lives do. There are times when life requires more attention and blogging takes a backseat. There are many good things to partake in but not all of them are what God is asking us to do at this moment.
ReplyDeleteYour virtual hug was felt Wanda. Thank you! You share good advice and I loved the reminder that blogging goes through it's own seasons too. Thank you, friend. I'm grateful God has connected the two of us.
DeleteBeth: I stop here week after week because I am so inspired by you. I can't imagine a family going through this who doesn't cry! So many unknowns. So much trust! What a vulnerable place you are in. I think sometimes the anticipation is worse than when it actually happens. I don't know if this is true in this situation, but I imagine once you get past "that day" then every day is one closer to his return. Enjoy these precious moments with your husband and children. And don't ever apologize for the tears or making your priority real live people. Hugs!
ReplyDeleteChristy @ A Heartening Life
www.ahearteninglife.com
Christy, thank you for your kind words and for stopping in every week. It really does mean a lot to me. And you are so right. The anticipation is the worst part. I know once my husband is gone we will fall in to our new routine. Thinking about "that day" when I will need to say good-bye is too hard. I'd rather be thinking about "that day" when he will return. Thank you for the hugs. They were felt yesterday from everyone. Blessings to you.
DeleteBeth! I will be praying for you and your family through this season of separation. There is just grace here. Grace upon grace whether you post once a week or once a year. Your voice is a blessing and I pray you have blessed voices surrounding you as well!
ReplyDeleteThank you, Lauren. Your words are a blessing to me and your prayers are appreciated. {Hugs}
DeleteSaying a prayer for you, sweet girl. This is beautiful.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Ashley.
DeleteSending you a great big virtual hug my friend! You are prioritizing your life well right now. I am praying for you!
ReplyDeleteThank you for the virtual hug Barbie. It was truly felt. Thank you for all your love, support and prayers. It really has meant so much to me. God really does something wonderful with this blogging community. We are blessed!
DeleteYou are NOT a failure as a friend! Beth, you know I've walked this road many, many times. I'm going to be walking it hand-in-hand with you next year! What you are doing, taking time, going "overboard" throwing parties, setting boundaries and being with family.... that is FABULOUS! It is exactly what you need to do. Because this is HARD! This watching your husband walk out the door to the unknown. Oh how I remember the first deployment. And you know what? It is easier when you hit your teens, but it is still so terrifically hard! The only thing that makes it easier is in the knowing I've done this before, I can do it again. So Beth, use me. Know that I have done this, you can too friend. And know, I am there when ever you need me... I'm going to email you my email... FB... shoot if you need it, a phone call is fabulous! And Beth, it's okay to cry. Shoot I'm teary just writing this. I'm so glad you found me. I so glad we can be cyber friends. I wish I could wrap my arms around you right now. Praying for you.
ReplyDeleteLisa, it helps so much just too see you write, "Because this is HARD!" I know I'm not alone in these feelings but reading these words from you yesterday truly brought comfort. I'm so glad God brought us together. Don't you just love how He works? He is AWESOME!! Thank you for your email address. I will be reaching out I'm sure because I know this is something I can't do on my own and God doesn't want me to do on my own. Thank you! Thank you! You are a blessing.
DeleteI know your pain. You are in my prayers!
ReplyDeleteThank you, Ren.
DeleteDearest Beth, your precious family is where you need to be. I hold you up to our Father in my prayers for His arms are open wide for you. He holds you close. You are such a special person and He knows that as I do through the internet airwaves. You are loved and I also wish I could hug you as others before me here. I am so grateful that your talk with the youth went so well. Your husband's tears are about courage for it takes courage to be willing to protect this nation, it takes courage to stand before others and talk, and it takes courage to cry before others as well. Both of you are courageous.
ReplyDeleteYou are loved and cared about, ~ linda
My heart goes out to you, Beth. Praying for you.
ReplyDeleteLove your raw, honest heart here. Love you and our military and the specialness that comes with that. I attended the Idea Camp a few weekends ago. The theme that ran through every aspect was we have to care for ourselves. We are no good to anybody if we aren't care for. Why do we feel so guilty doing this? I'm trying to get better at that. Glad you are too. love ya
ReplyDeleteBeth, I have a son who is in the military, but I can't imagine how hard it would be to have my husband deploying. We will all keep you in our prayers. What an amazing movement of God when you were sharing at the youth meeting. Draw strength from seeing how God worked there and hang onto Him tightly. He will wrap you in His arms and keep you safe. We'll be here when you are ready to come back. Family is first!
ReplyDeleteBlessings,
Janis
Hey my friend!! Don't feel bad at all about taking a break! Time with your family AND time for yourself is way more important! We definitely understand and we'll be right here when you return! Your post is so sweet and sincere...keeping you and your family in my prayers! Enjoy your time off...blessings my sweet sister!! xoxoxo
ReplyDeleteBravo to you for being honest and showing this hurting side. I know it encourages so many.
ReplyDeleteDearest Beth, Thank you for sharing from your Heart - You and your Family will be on my prayers, dear friend! God will keep you all - and we're will be here, please take the time you need off the blog - as you feel is best! It is comforting to know that the church Family is there - being His hands and Feet in your life, the shoulders you all need!
ReplyDeleteBlessings, Nina
Beth, a guest blogger is a great idea. I almost didn't stop by this week b/c of my own busyness, but I'm glad I did. You blessed me! May God continue to comfort you all as you touch others with your message. Diane
ReplyDeleteI can't imagine enduring a husband's deployment. It makes me feel nauseous to imagine it. I'm sorry you must endure it. I really like this post of yours--checking it out after you visted me. It helps me understand the context of you and your husband's talk to the youth group. Wow--how powerful--I'm sure they'll remember. I think it is a strong move to take a break. I have a feeling it will help others who should take a break or slow as well to do the same. I've had to do the same. May you sense how very near the Lord is to you at this time. Blessings...
ReplyDeleteBeth, you are the poster girl for courage, my dear. Take your time and handle all that is on your plate right now. We understand and stand with you in Christ.
ReplyDeleteLove and prayers always, Ali.
Beth, your honesty is so moving. Thanks for being real rather than pretending that everything is ok. Like other people have said - this is real courage! I pray that God ministers to you in His grace and comfort right now.
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing at Essential Fridays.
Blessings
Mel from Essential Thing Devotions