Three Word Wednesday: My Story Matters

Last week I shared how God planted a dream in my heart to tell my story and how the dream went beyond telling my story here. For me the dream is bigger than my dream to write a book.

I dream of standing before a group of women and telling them how a marriage can overcome lies, adultery, alcoholism, separations, depression, bulimia, emotional abuse and so much more.

When the dream first began God had only just begun moving into my heart. My marriage had overcome many obstacles but I believed it was by our own strength. If I would have told my story when I first had the dream my story would have been more about me and less about God.

My story has changed.

I’m trying to decide what details from those earlier chapters of my story are worthy of sharing. I type the word worthiness and begin to question the worthiness of telling my story period. Why does my story matter?

“You didn't make yourself in your mother’s womb, God did, and to say you aren't important is to say his creation lacks substance.” ~ Donald Miller, Storyline (pg. 24)

I keep waiting for my story to be tied up with a pretty bow. To stand and tell you about my days spent in a mental hospital because of an eating disorder, I must first have complete freedom from the disorder. I want to tell you my identity is completely wrapped up in God and all those insecurities that led to years of depression and an eating disorder no longer exist. My story needs to be perfect to be worthy of telling.

But we will never reach perfection in this lifetime. If we did, why would we need a savior?

"There will be no perfecting of ourselves this side of God's return so we might as well stop kicking ourselves around about our faults." (pg. 19)

So what makes my story worthy?

When I look back at the highlights of my story many of those highlights include heartache. I can now look back and see how God was always with me. He was silently moving into my heart.

I’m unable to tell you I've found complete freedom from my eating disorder. And, yes, I still have days when I place my identity in things other than Christ. But God (those two words are always followed by good news) is still with me and I know He has great plans for me.

“God created you and He created you with the power to bring light into darkness and order into chaos. You are necessary. And the sooner you believe that, the sooner you’ll bond with God in living a great story.” (pg. 23-24)

The story I want to tell you reflects all He’s done for me. It has many hallelujahs. God saved me. He saved my marriage and He saved my family.

If you asked my why I write I'd tell you every part of me wants others to know the God I now know. Can I be honest though? This writing is HARD. I'm struggling, like really struggling, to express my whole heart to you. Before God my world was filled with darkness. I was without hope.

But God (oh how I love those two words) pulled me out of that darkness. He gave me hope.

There is so much I'm leaving out. I don't know where to begin. Can you feel my heart though? I believe my story can save lives. Saying that to you has nothing to do with me and EVERYTHING to do with Him. I know without a doubt that everything I went through was Him preparing me to help Him bring light into darkness.

Satan intended to harm me, "but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives." ~ Genesis 50:20

I don't know when my dream to actually stand before a group of women will become a reality. In the meantime, my prayer is somehow my heart is reflected in the words I write and they lead you to pursue God with all your heart. Make Him the theme of your story.