It's Good-Bye Again...

That first good-bye was said as a bus prepared to take my son off to begin his adventure of becoming a sailor. I remember all too clearly standing next to that bus, with his girlfriend (now his wife) standing by my side, trying to maintain some sense of composure as I waved good-bye. As a mom I'm supposed to be the strong one - right?

As my oldest son left on this new adventure, my husband and I would begin our own adventure of coming one step closer to being empty nesters. I always knew this day would come but as these boys of mine were growing up I never imagined one of them ending up so far from home. I never imagined that one good-bye would turn into many more good-byes. I've learned that many more are yet to come.

I will say that the good-byes have become bittersweet.

Our next good-bye came on the day I sent him off on his first official assignment as a sailor. Boot Camp days were over and his Navy career was beginning. I held tightly to every last moment I had with him. My feet wouldn't leave the terminal gate until I had watched his plane disappear into the sky. Tears began falling not knowing when I'd hug this child of mine again.

His first visit home was to celebrate his 21st birthday, and then came the glorious day when we made our way to visit him.

Each visit, though, was too soon followed by another good-bye.

As his visit home for Christmas came to an end, I remember standing in our kitchen, no longer able to hold back my tears as the time drew near. My son knows me all too well. Even though I was making every effort to hide my tears, when he walked into the kitchen he asked, "Why are you crying, Mom?" My only response was to reach out and hug him.

It was time for me to make my way to him for another visit. This time we would have some mother/son alone time. It would be my last visit with him before he became a husband. It quickly became a visit that will always remain on my heart.

As parents, many of us fear what happens when they leave the comfort of home. How will we transition into this next phase of them no longer needing their mom?

But, they do need us. They will always need us.

I realized this when on the last night of my visit with my son he seemed to delay leaving my hotel room. We spent a quiet evening listening to the play list for his wedding reception and watching a movie. Shortly after he left my room he sent me a text message that simply said, "I am so happy you came to see me." Oh, how those tears began falling.

There have been many more good-byes since that visit, but through each one I've been blessed. I've been blessed to watch him grow from a child to young man and from a young man to a husband.

More than anything, I've been blessed to witness that I will never stop being his mom. We don't stop being a mom; we just enter a new chapter of being a mom. And in many ways I'm finding this chapter to be my favorite of them all.

As I reflect on these past two years filled with good-byes, I realize not only was I blessed to watch how much my son grew, but I also grew. God taught me some much needed lessons on being a mom. The most important lesson was on learning to love my children unconditionally. God gave me the gift of being a mother. With each good-bye, I've discovered the best gift I could give to my son was to let him know he was loved just because he was him.

I remember someone sharing how mothers are like a lighthouse. The primary purpose of the lighthouse is to bring its mariners home. This is what I want to be to both my children...a lighthouse that keeps on shining and always directs them home.

To keep my lighthouse shining, I turn to God.

"You are my lamp, O LORD; the LORD turns my darkness into light." - 2 Samuel 22:29