Three Word Wednesday: Knowing You, Jesus

I wish today's post included news of it being eight weeks since I fell to the temptations of that slithery snake. My hope was to approach Easter morning, the end of my Lenten journey, saying I was completely free from my eating disorder. Was it an unrealistic expectation? Can complete freedom be declared in eight weeks?

There is hope. There is always hope. There is hope because of His grace.
Grace upon grace.

"But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me." ~ 2 Corinthians 12:9

I know one day I will step on the scale and be able to say, "I am a Jesus girl who can step on the scale and see the numbers as an indication of how much my body weighs and not as an indication of my worth." ~ Lysa TerKeurst, Made to Crave: Satisfying Your Deepest Desire with God, Not Food

I was made for more than this. I was made for victory.

"We are made for victory. Sometimes we just have to find our way to that truth." ~ Lysa Terkeurst

Truth: "For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." ~ Psalm 139:13-14

To find my way to that truth I need to know Him better.

"Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free." ~ John 8:32

When I fail the enemy then tells me I need to try harder — do more. I’m not spending enough time in His word. I’m not praying enough. I’m not . . . enough. I wonder how many times God will forgive me for failing. Seventy times seven times?

The way to truth isn't through my works though. In the Life Application Study Bible it tells us in reference to Philippians 3:2, 3, "What believers do is a result of faith, not a prerequisite to faith."

It goes on to say, "… God values the attitude of our hearts above all else."

I’m reminded again of words said by my pastor, "The heart of the problem is a problem with the heart."

And Jesus … he specializes in transformations of the heart.

Jesus wants me to have victory. But He is more concerned with my spiritual healing than the physical healing from my eating disorder. He knows the problem is not the eating disorder — it’s a problem with my heart.

My heart continues to believe I’m not worthy of His love. The problem with my heart gets in the way of having an deeper relationship with Christ. I've been lingering at the surface with Him . . . believing what He says about me but continuing to seek the approval of others.

As Jennifer Dukes Lee writes in her book Love Idol, "My illness has become a way of life, a steady companion. Some days I feel trapped by my sickness; other days — crazy as it sounds — I can't imagine life without it." I hoped for the 46-day quick fix, a miracle of sorts, but maybe there is more He wants to teach me on my journey towards victory.

I have not arrived at my goal, "but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me." ~ Philippians 3:12

As Good Friday and Easter Sunday approach I reflect on what He did for me. This overwhelms me . . . I’m overwhelmed by His grace. We sang the words to the song Knowing You (All I Once Held Dear) this past Sunday and I lifted up my head, turned my palms upwards and worshiped Him.

"Knowing you, Jesus
Knowing you, there is no greater thing
You're my all, you're the best
You're my joy, my righteousness
And I love you, Lord"
~ Knowing You, Graham Kendrick

I want to know Him. Maybe that is what He still wants to teach me. To really know who He is. To know in the deepest part of my soul there is no greater thing.

"I want to know Him inside and out. I want to experience the power of His resurrection and join in His suffering, shaped by His death, so that I may arrive safely at the resurrection from the dead." ~ Philippians 3:10-11 (Voice)

I’m devoted to following Him. I’m devoted to knowing you, Jesus. It might not look perfect. I may fail again but I will press on.

"I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." ~ Philippians 3:14

I was made for more than this. I was made for victory – a victory that is only found in Him.