Three Word Wednesday: Love is kind



Last week I shared with you my decision to blog my way through the book The Love Dare. The book takes you through a 40-day challenge to love your spouse with God’s kind of love. The first dare focused on how love is patient. I love how the book does not simply forget about the first dare when you move on to the next one. You’re not off the hook on being patient with your spouse.

The second chapter starts by saying, “If patience is how love reacts in order minimize a negative circumstance, kindness is how love acts to maximize a positive circumstance.” We need both patience and kindness to love. “Patience avoids the problem; kindness creates a blessing.”

Love Dare #2: In addition to saying nothing negative to your spouse again today, do at least one unexpected gesture as an act of kindness.

Unexpected acts of kindness were a piece of cake. I mailed him a card, sent him an email just because, and provided him with a few new snapshots of my adorable face. ~~smiling~~ I even told him how much I appreciated everything he still took care of even though he is on other side of the world. When he received news contrary to what he expected, I responded with encouragement.

But when he dished out a few more responsibilities, I had to bite my tongue before I snapped again.

Kindness came easily until he wanted me to do something I had less interest in doing. A little bit selfish I’d say.

Let me be honest on where my selfishness stems from: Jealousy. Believe it or not, I’m jealous of my husband . . . the one serving our country in harm’s way. It became easier to admit my jealousy after a milspouse friend admitted the same. “I was actually jealous that my husband had downtime,” Jana said. She resented the fact that responsibility of the home completely fell on her and her husband had time to read and workout.

Hello!?!? Me too!

My husband does not read but the 30 pounds he has lost gives reason to believe he has extra time to work out. I also know his evenings typically end with time for a TV show or a movie.

This chapter of the Love Dare says there are four basic core ingredients of kindness: initiative, gentleness, helpfulness and willingness.

To provide an example of these four core ingredients, the book refers to the parable of the Good Samaritan in Luke, chapter 10:25-37.

The Jews and Samaritans had a deep hatred towards each other yet the Samaritan was the only one who stopped and responded with love. “Taking the initiative, this man demonstrated true kindness in every way. Gently. Helpfully. Willingly” (Love Dare, pg. 6)

If enemies can do it, shouldn't I be able to do the same towards my husband?

Initiative. The new responsibilities my husband dished out this week could have been avoided if I would have taken the initiative to try and resolve them before even bringing the matters to his attention. I need to see the need and make a move first.

Gentleness. When he talks about his down time, I need to be sensitive and remember he would much rather be home with his family.  My friend Jana shared from her experience: “Being able to comprehend how lonely he was helped me to act with more kindness towards him and be more compassionate in our interactions.” I’d much rather show my husband tenderness by being grateful for the opportunities he has to decompress considering the job he has volunteered to do.

Helpfulness. The book suggests providing a listening ear. With my husband on the other end of the world, giving him my full attention when he calls is probably the most helpful thing I can do for him.

Willingness. Instead of being stubborn when he tries to help with a matter, I need to look for creative ways for him to still contribute. I’m reminded of how it’s equally hard on him to be away and to know he has had to place additional responsibilities on me.

What discoveries about love did I make this past week?

I realized a heart check was needed before continuing on with this Love Dare. I don’t want to simply go through the motions and not have a lasting impact. My heart needs to be in the right place. And the right place is? It needs to be all about Jesus. It needs to be about wanting to know Him better and learning what it means to follow Him. He is my motivation to choose love.

And His kind of love never fails. It always wins. ALWAYS.


Dare #1: Love is patient
Dare #2: Love is kind

Next week: Love is not selfish