Present over Perfect

The morning begins with three missed calls and an email from our son. He calls from the other side of the world while he floats out at sea. Opportunities for him to call home are few and far between. I could tell from his email that he misses home. We are missing him too.

I respond with what may be my longest email to him so far.

Because my heart longs for him to know God, I end the email with the verse from Romans 15:13 "May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope."

After pressing send I crawl back into bed next to my husband with tears in my eyes. He wraps his arms around me and we lie there for the next thirty minutes holding each other. There are still tears as we lie there for how much I miss our son and for how happy I am to have my husband home.

We let go of one another but we are not quite ready to leave the bed. Instead, we scan the TV stations for something to watch. Taking the day slow sounds like a wonderful idea. We land on “Cheaper by the Dozen.” Tears find their way to my eyes again. This missing stuff doesn't get easier.

The feeling of sadness will not lift. Plans for the day include putting up our Christmas tree. I tell my husband, “We need a new tree. Our tree is small and lopsided.”

I open up my computer and log on to Pinterest and start searching Christmas decorating ideas. Of course the pictures are all shiny and perfect. Nothing I could do would ever compare.

With “Cheaper by the Dozen” finally over and tears semi dried up, yet I know full well it wouldn't take much for them to fall again, I decide to join hubs for a morning workout confident it will lift my spirits.

As I ride a stationary bike, I finish reading the book A Million Miles in a Thousand Years by Donald Miller. In the book Donald Miller talks about a bike ride he took across country. Friends of ours have a son who recently did the same so I sent them a text to suggest their son read the book. I add to the end of the text message, “Let’s do dinner soon.”

I open up the audio version of Bob Goff’s book Love Does next. I’m now on a treadmill as I listen along. I hit the pause button after Chapter 3 because this time around I want my husband to follow along too.

I scan through my library of eBook’s. A while back I started Cold Tangerines by Shauna Niequist so I decided to carry on where I left off.

“I sometimes hate this house for not being what I want it to be, and I sometimes hate myself for not being that either. But little by little, my funny old broken down house is teaching me that good enough is good enough.” – Shauna Niequist

Shauna’s words remind me of our Christmas tree; the one I told my husband was small and lopsided.

I did not get far in the book before my phone rang.

“Hello Mom.”

My cup runneth over. God is good, ALWAYS.

He tells me that he started reading Love Does again. I sent the book to him in a care package early on in his deployment. “The Jesus stuff is hard to read but it’s funny,” he says. Maybe it’s wishful thinking but I imagine Bob Goff’s words leading my son closer to Jesus. Always have hope, I say to myself.

“Take delight in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart.” Psalm 37:4

Hubs and I return home. I look up at those gorgeous eyes of his to inform him how wrong I am about our tree. Our tree is enough because it’s ours. Present over perfect . . . that is my wish for this Christmas season.

What is your wish for this Christmas season?

  Share |