I've come to this space multiple times the past week to share my heart with you but I do not know exactly what I want to say or how to say it. There has been contemplating and even drafting of a post to tell you of a decision to step away from blogging for a while.
Is stepping away really what I want? Is it what God wants? I know you would tell me it's okay not to know and to wait on Him.
I have told you of my desire to connect at a deeper level. How do we actually connect deeper though?
We could connect beyond our blogs through emails, phone calls, Skype or even Voxer. Are you on Voxer? It’s rather cool. Admittedly, I'm not great with responding to emails in a timely manner and it can take me a few days to Vox you back.
I know what my heart wants. I know what my heart needs. The how remains unclear. It could have something to do with how my heart dances with delight when you join me at a table, any table, and we connect face to face.
Oh, if only we could all gather around a table together. How can we create a deeper sense of community right here without a physical table to gather at? I would love your thoughts because I long for this deeper connection.
I recently spent three hours at a Starbucks with another Army wife whose husband deployed with mine. We decided to share a cup of coffee while we waited for our husbands to complete required training before the unit gathered together to celebrate Christmas. We did not lack reasons to celebrate with our loved ones now home.
For three hours we sit across a table from one another. We talked mostly about God, His grace, how He has changed us and how He continues to work in our lives. It was such a rich conversation. I walked away blessed. I need more of this.
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There are moments when it feels like God has me doing a lot of waiting.
Waiting ten months for my husband to return home
Waiting for our son to return home
Waiting for the right words to come
Waiting for Him to reveal His plans for me
Waiting for Him to reveal His plans for us
In this season of Advent we all wait for the coming of His son.
The waiting though, it's okay. Even in the waiting God moves. What he is doing in and through me -- through us -- right now matters.
I feel His presence.
If all I know right now is His presence, without any answers for what comes next, that is enough. What’s better than knowing His presence dwells within me?
He reveals more than His presence to me.
He speaks to my heart. His biggest work is done in our hearts. A slower-paced life these days (the usual frenzy of the season has not caught up to me) allows for me to hear Him better. I am growing more accustomed to seeking Him first and seeking Him often. There are times when I question if it’s Him I hear. But I know. I really do.
I have an inner peace mixed with all kinds of emotions. His Holy Spirit moves within me in new, albeit exciting and also confusing at times, ways.
It can only be Him for I find myself coming undone over and over again. It can only be Him.
In the quiet moments when I stop to be still an unspeakable joy fills my heart. I find an undeniable trust for the One who holds all the details of what's to come in His hands.
I've grown fonder of waiting.
There are no regrets for the ten months I spent waiting for my husband to return home. If God required that period of waiting for Him to do what He now does between us I would do it all over again, if He asked us to do again.
He does not waste a thing.
He does not waste a moment.
This waiting . . . waiting for the coming of His son . . . waiting for what comes next . . . I can trust His purposefulness in this waiting.
I can have peace in waiting.
“I’ll show up and take care of you as I promised and bring you back home. I know what I’m doing. I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for.” Jeremiah 29:11 (MSG)
P.s. I want to take a moment to recommend a blogging coach to you, friends. Today I spent thirty minutes on the phone with Linda and was thoroughly blessed by our time together. She is good, really good. She encourages. She has a gift for making sense out of ones ramblings. She got to the heart of my ramblings. She simply rocks. Check her out here. She's worth the investment.
Dear sweet Beth! I love how you make waiting something we would want to do. In your time of stillness, you are renewed with a sense of who God is and His voice is a whisper that speaks directly to your heart. You are doing exactly what you need to do by letting God's plan become your plan. That is what I want for my life and I feel like I am counting the months until my teaching career is finished and I can begin something even better. (I have no idea what that is but I will surely be listening and waiting as you are right now.)
ReplyDeleteI also love your PS because I think Linda is one of the most amazing online friends I have in this blogging world. She is on my list to contact and have that conversation with as you did. Thank you for just being you Beth and for sharing here so I can keep in touch with you a little. Christmas blessings to you and your family!
You are truly such a blessing to me, Mary. Thank you for all your sweet encouragement. I will be holding you in prayer as these month tick away for God to speak to your heart on what comes next for you when your teaching career is finished. I have this feeling you have blessed many children during your years as a teacher, Mary. Love you so much. Merry Christmas!
DeleteThere is so much peace here in your words, which I know reflect your heart. God will let you know what he wants you to do as you continue seeking him - in your everyday life, with your husband, and in every conversation you have. You're a blessing. I'm so grateful we're connected. Love you.
ReplyDeleteOh, Kristin, I too am so grateful we've connected and grateful we had that opportunity to sit at a table together. Love you, friend. xoxo
DeleteWow!
ReplyDeleteThanks for mentioning our blog coaching conversation, Beth! I just can't wait to see what God's going to do with your heart's desires ...
And thanks for sending your readers over to my place. They're already clicking on the link you shared ... how cool is that!
Because when all is said and done, this whole blogging thing is not about the stats, the followers, the comments, the linky parties. It's about creating safe, supportive, authentic communities that really make a difference in the lives of those who gather 'round ...
I am so glad friends are making their way over to you. Our time together truly was a blessing to me, Linda. Your friendship is a blessing. Thank you for the safe, supportive and authentic community you have provided at your place and for how you share it here too. Much love. xoxo
DeleteTo be fond of waiting, at peace with it, even okay with it - oh, sweet, Beth, what a blessings He has given you! And to share it with us, with words that make our hearts long for the same - God is so good. <3 you.
ReplyDeleteGod is SO good. Grateful for you, June. What a blessing it is to call you friend. xoxo
DeleteOh friend, I'm in tears. How I wish I could sit across from a table with you! You have encouraged me so much on my journey. I am grateful for the times we do connect over comments, VOXER and blogging. I know that God is creating a beautiful tapestry in you as you wait on Him. Love you so much!
ReplyDeleteI pray 2015 brings us the opportunity to sit at a table together, Barbie. If not, I am grateful for how we have connected beyond our blogs. Your friendship is a great blessing to me. Love you much. xoxo
DeleteBeth I just love your beautiful heart and how you accentuate the purpose of waiting. God does indeed use it all for His glory! I am praying for your decisions for your future and this blog and am excited to see how God is going to work in your life. So blessed by your words this morning and your friendship. Love to you and yours!
ReplyDeleteI just love you, Lori. Overflowing with gratitude to God for bringing us together. Much love. Merry Christmas. xoxo
DeleteBeth- I can so relate to your struggles and questions. Your words and attitude here are so life-giving. Thank you for your honest and well-crafted message. May God give you clarity and continued peace.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Karen. I appreciate your kind words. Many blessings to you and yours. xoxo
DeleteI love your heart! That's all I want to say.I can't wait to see you and share this journey with a sister-friend who God brought at just the right time. Praying as you wait and as you ponder this going forward and so thankful for your willingness to bring others on your journey...that is a gift you have.
ReplyDeleteBless you Beth!!
You are a gift, Dawn. And I can't tell you how excited I am about meeting you SOON! Love you. Many blessings. xoxo
DeleteBeth,
ReplyDeleteIt is SO cool to see how God is growing you by leaps and bounds!! I don't know if there is ever a point (during this earthly existence) that we say, "Oh, I am exactly where I know I should be." I think the only time we will feel perfectly content is when we get to Heaven. In the meantime, we wait and we grow and God stretched our faith muscles and we take off in new and exciting directions. I don't know exactly what God has in store for you, but I do hear your heart yearning for the up close, in person connecting. Whatever way you go...know that I love you to pieces and will be right there cheering you on!!
Love and ((hugs)),
Bev
So true, isn't it. But yes, we wait and we grow until our time comes to join Him in heaven. I am just so grateful He is never finished with us. There is always so much more. Thank you so much for your friendship, Bev, and for all your encouragement. And your cheers!!! Love you much. (((hugs))) xoxo
DeleteWaiting is not my strong point, but God give me lots of practice ;). May you hear his desire in the quietness of your wait. I'm feeling some of the same feelings you're having--and I'm not sure if it's the end-of-the-year craziness whispering in my ear, or the Holy Spirit telling me I need to step back, take a bit of a break and concentrate on other things. I'll be praying right along with you!
ReplyDeletePraying for both us. May He speak to our hearts and guide us. Blessings. Merry Christmas to you and yours.
DeleteHi Beth, I love your heart for wanting to truly connect with these beautiful hearts He gathers here. Face to face across a table? That's my favorite too. Bless you as you wait. And I love how you hear Him in the silence. Thank you for our loving encouragement.
ReplyDeleteIt's so wonderful to see you here, Jennifer. Thank you for stopping by and for your kind words of encouragement. Blessings to you and yours.
DeleteWhat beautiful words, Beth. Somehow you have made waiting feel like holy business. And I suppose that's exactly what it is. Could this be the word that the Lord is laying upon your heart for 2015?
ReplyDeleteYou said this: "He does not waste a thing. He does not waste a moment."
This is something that I have found to be so true in my year of JOY, 2014. Today I wrote my thoughts about the journey (to be posted 12/29). There have been many times when I've felt that my life has been set on "idle" - as much of my time is spent caring for my mom. I feel like I've been waiting for something "big" to happen, but nothing takes place but the ordinary. Sometimes I've been tempted to think that time has been wasted. And yet, waiting is not always waiting for action. Sometimes it is simply waiting in the Presence for Him to speak.
My prayers are with you as you wait. I know that God is going to reveal more and more of His heart and His purposes to you. I hope you share them here in Blog Land, until we can meet face-to-face.
GOD BLESS!
Remember, if you come to San Diego again, let me know!! I'm only a hop, skip, and jump away! :-)
ReplyDeleteThis is the best thing: "If all I know right now is His presence, without any answers for what comes next, that is enough. What’s better than knowing His presence dwells within me?" We are not left alone to wait. I love the peace you've shared, Beth, and your thoughts on fellowship. Blessings.
ReplyDeleteI love your closeness to God that I feel, Beth.
ReplyDeleteI too feel like I have been in God's waiting room.
I am beginning to see answers to prayers, which only increases my faith.
Our son, who has been unemployed for the past five years, has a job.
This same son has also been going to church with us over this Christmas season.
It would be lovely to find a way to communicate online, without always feeling like I'm trying to catch up.
Wherever God leads you, may He also bless you! xoxo
Your posts are always so inspiring, Beth. Sometimes I'm rushed when I read...between meetings at work, in the car line picking up my kids... I rarely tell you how remarkable I think you are. You offer such wisdom in your words and things that I sometimes think "well, duh...why didn't I think of that?" I am grateful for you, friend. Listening to you just wants to pull me closer to God. This phase of life is busy - sooo busy. It's easy for me to become spiritually empty as I raise these little ones. But it's always your voice coming through the interwebs that remind me how important it is to be spiritually full. To stay connected. Thank you so much for this. Merry Christmas to you and your family!
ReplyDeleteIf all I know right now is His presence, without any answers for what comes next, that is enough. What’s better than knowing His presence dwells within me? So perfect. My heart exactly. Thanks, Beth.
ReplyDeleteBeth, your words bring strength. I hope your step away from blogging will not be long. We need you.
ReplyDeleteAnd as a contractor who saw many deployments, with no one to whom I could return - please know the degree to which your steadfastness is vital. Not important - vital. I saw guys who survived because someone was waiting for them. One of them walked 10 klicks to an exfil with a foot blown off. He made a crutch for himself, tied off the stump, and rocked on - holding his own in two additional firefights on the way out.
Because his wife was waiting for him, and he didn't want to be late.
I should mention that he was also eviscerated. Bit of a mess, walking and fighting like that.
He was carried by love.
http://blessed-are-the-pure-of-heart.blogspot.com/2014/12/a-message-for-grief-shove-off.html