The Unchanging One

I must admit, I remain unsure of God's desire for me when it comes to writing. It stays low on my priority list. Maybe I expect the process and results to be similar to what it once was. Maybe God seeks to teach me to simply trust in Him.

So I write when I sense He's prompting me to write. If time between posts become days, weeks or months, all will be well. If readership plummets from inconsistency (or the other things which can positively impact readership) all will be well. If grammar and punctuation are downright awful, all will be well. It needs to be because I'm done with the fight to be something or someone I am not.

Just write and trust Me. Honestly, the writing part can be harder than the trust part. I do not know where to begin with the writing. I know Him, at least better than I once did, and I know He can be trusted.

Now, if we sat together over coffee I would likely ramble on and on. Our time together might come to an end with me wondering if I allowed adequate time for you to spill your guts out too. I dislike the thought that I may have made it all about me. I want to hear from you too… I really do. Please God, whatever I said, may it have pointed to You.

I have much to tell you. God continues to transform me in mighty ways. Discover could be my one word for 2016, if I were to choose a word. I discover new truths about myself and also about God. The truths about me are not easy to accept yet necessary.

The truths about God... Oh may we not be done uncovering more truths about God until the day He brings us home and reveals all the mysteries.

I see God in all things. I hope I point to God in all things. Like when I admit to a heart struggle, I hope you know my faith remains grounded in who He is and His promises. There are admittedly days when I am shaken. But when those days come, I know where to go: Gods Word, prayer and godly friends.

I wrote the first part of this post several weeks ago and I now chuckle over the title I chose. Only God could know how much the truth of how He's unchanging would be needed right now. Because truthfully, friends, I struggle lately with change. And I struggle with good change, which seems so crazy.

For reasons, I have said little about my husband's deployment in this space. However, if we are friends on Facebook you may have caught wind of news that my husband is back in the states. This happened much sooner than planned. I obviously prefer his boots be planted on U.S. soil rather than foreign, unsafe soil.

But this is a change from laid out plans and I often do not handle change well.

The previous plan: I would see him again September-ish. I did not love this plan but I had accepted it and fallen into somewhat of a routine.

The new plan: there is no plan. He's not home and I don't know when he will be home. He's back due to medical issues (not life threatening but significant enough for the mission to end early for him.) and we do not have answers on how the medical issues will be addressed.

He's been back for several days and now resides only 7 hours away from me (we are actually in the same time zone) but we wait for our chance to see each other. I'd love for it to be easy to pack up and go, but it's not.

[Thankfully we now have a plan in place to see each other soon.]

His unplanned return impacts other plans too. Please don't hear me wrong, this is not a complaint; just truth.

Bottom line: the changes, the unknown and the waiting have shaken me some.

The truths I cling to are:

“Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.” Hebrews 13:8 (NIV)

"Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows." James 1:17 (NIV)

"The grass withers, and the flowers fade, but the word of our God endures forever." Isaiah 40:8 (NIV)

"The Lord's plans stand firm forever; His intentions can never be shaken." Psalm 33:11 (NLT)

It is well with my soul, friends. It really, really is. But it is well with my soul only because of who He is and because I am His. No matter the changes, unknowns or time of waiting, that truth is enough for me.

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It's Not About Me but the State of Me

We are on day 4 of a New Year. I must admit I am happy to return to work and a somewhat normal daily routine. The time off to celebrate Christmas and New Year’s with those I love was needed but when my routine is changed for too long it throws me off balance.

I am a girl who thrives on a routine.

Now that we've entered a New Year, for many it's a time for reflection and setting new goals.

I'm not a girl who thrives on goal setting.

Sure, I'd love to read through the Bible this year and I would love to improve my prayer life. I would love to read more books too. These are worthwhile goals but I dislike the whole goal setting thing for the potential let down when I fall short, as I likely would.

As I wrote in my last post, the only want I have for 2016, and the years to come, is to want God more than anything else. For if my eyes and heart are truly focused on this one want, and it's not just an empty commitment, than any other want will be what God wants for me. And won't I be more in tune with His desires for me?

I have thought more about the want to be good at just one thing. If I do something based on whether or not I am good at it (I could paraphrase this as doing something for praise), I have made it all about me. If God asks me to write or to shepherd a group of ladies through His Word, or any other activity for that matter, it should never be about whether or not I am good at those things. It should be about showing up and serving where God has called me to serve.

Now grant it, I already knew this truth. Isn’t it funny how we often need reminders?

"God doesn't call the qualified. He qualifies the called."

So, yes, I have reminded myself again that in whatever way I serve Him, it is not about me. To God be the glory forever and ever! Amen.

Nevertheless, would you allow me to give you somewhat of a “state of me” address? For the most part it can be summed up this way: "it is well with my soul." Despite certain circumstances, all is well.

A reflection of 2015 reveals growth, the "only God" kind of growth. I am notorious for falling to the lies of the enemy, especially when it comes to the kind of person he says I am. I fall less though. I believe the enemy less and God more. Our enemy has less of a foothold on my thoughts. “You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you.” Isaiah 26:3

My heart is mending from a loss.

I walk in freedom from an eating disorder, minus one slip. Thank you, God, for your forgiveness and for helping me to stand again to continue in this walk.

Relationships with extended family are stronger. Maybe one day I will expand on this or I will just focus on extending gratitude to God for opening my eyes to see the error in my way of thinking. “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways.” Isaiah 55:8

A second deployment does not steal my joy. Trust me, the second time around is not easier. It takes more intentionality to not let my joy be taken.

Even though separated by a large number of miles from my husband, I witness God use the time we are apart to grow our marriage in new ways.

This growth happens only because my trust is in Him; it happens only because of Him. God alone is the source of my abiding joy. “Then I will go to the altar of God, to God, my joy and my delight. I will praise you with the lyre, O God, my God.” Psalm 43:4

I think I shall stick with my one want of wanting Him more than anything else.

Will you join me?

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