God's Providential Hand

This past Friday, April 13th, my husband messaged me saying, “Today is 8 years complete.”  On April 13, 2010 he enlisted in the Army Reserves.

My response… It has been a crazy 8 years.

Our military life journey began before the April 13th date. Maybe it began with me thinking I could forbid my husband to speak about our son potentially enlisting in the military. I actually stormed out on a dinner date with my younger sister and her husband because my husband had the audacity to bring up the topic yet again.

My standard response to the idea… No!! I will not have it.

I imagine our God has a sense of humor and I think every time I made this declaration He smiled with a hint of laughter for the story He had already written for us. “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future (Jeremiah 19:11).”

Here we are 8 years later. I tried to forbid military life for our son and it became a way of life for us as a family. Even after my acceptance to this drastic life change (my husband was 41 at the time he enlisted) never could I have imagined what God had planned for us.

Our present reality is not the focus of this post though. The focus I desire is God’s sovereignty.

Because this I believe… that night when I stormed out of the restaurant and left my husband in the care of family to drive him home, God’s providential hand was at work. It had been at work in and through and over us all along writing our But God story with defining moments that would discipline us to get our attention. That night in the restaurant was one of those defining moments.

Another defining moment came when in a counseling session with our son and a counselor we used for several years for us individually and as a couple. Enlistment in the military came up in the discussion as an option for our son and my son’s response was, “My mom won’t let me.”

My son did not need my consent. He simply wanted my support.

He enlisted for the first time in the U.S. Navy on April 30, 2009 (there’s more to this story which involves a broken collar bone, a cancelled contract and another enlistment).

Another rather significant defining moment came when my husband approached me with his desire to enlist in the Army Reserves. I did not storm out of the restaurant we were in that evening when, dare I say, he bravely told me of this desire. Quite the opposite happened – I looked at him with overflowing admiration.

On September 18, 2010 we celebrated my husband’s departure for Basic Training and our son’s departure to soon follow in January 2011.

Seriously, we were not capable of dreaming up such a story. But God is able to write such a story.

I had every intention of winning in forbidding military life for our family. But God in turn used military life to draw us to Him (read story here). I can now look back and see His providential hand in those defining moments, and all the moments between, bringing us to where we are now.

I see God in all things. I can go back to the day I first told my husband I wanted a divorce. An early morning in bed where I sat up, looked at him convinced a life apart was the best way, and told him, “I can’t do this anymore.”

I see all the ways God put obstacles and storms in our path to redirect us to His way for us. I see all the ways God chased after us… where he was leaving the 99 to go after two.

Oh, the overwhelming, never-ending, reckless love of God
Oh, it chases me down, fights 'til I'm found, leaves the ninety-nine
I couldn't earn it, and I don't deserve it, still, You give Yourself away
Oh, the overwhelming, never-ending, reckless love of God
Reckless Love, Cory Asbury

As our Executive Pastor said in his sermon last Sunday on Jonah, Chapter 1 – “The Love of God chases us. He doesn’t give up on us.”

God was relentless in getting our attention to re-route us to Him with a soul purpose of life transformation – a new life with Him at the center.

The sovereign, providential hand of God did whatever was required to get us where we needed to be – in a relationship with Him - because of His overwhelming, never-ending reckless love for us. May our response to His discipline and love always be, “Lord, have your way with us.” I say this because I’m full aware there is much more work to be done.

But I am confident of this, “he who began a good work in us will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus (Philippians 1:6).”

I have far extended my word count limit, friends. I pray the post to follow this will tell you what I desire to say when someone questions the realness of our God. I pray for boldness to speak of His most excellent way (1 Corinthians 12:31). I pray I never tire of giving thanks for HIS providential hand in my (in our) life.


“Thanks be to God for his indescribable gift! (2 Corinthians 9:15).”

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The Unchanging One

I must admit, I remain unsure of God's desire for me when it comes to writing. It stays low on my priority list. Maybe I expect the process and results to be similar to what it once was. Maybe God seeks to teach me to simply trust in Him.

So I write when I sense He's prompting me to write. If time between posts become days, weeks or months, all will be well. If readership plummets from inconsistency (or the other things which can positively impact readership) all will be well. If grammar and punctuation are downright awful, all will be well. It needs to be because I'm done with the fight to be something or someone I am not.

Just write and trust Me. Honestly, the writing part can be harder than the trust part. I do not know where to begin with the writing. I know Him, at least better than I once did, and I know He can be trusted.

Now, if we sat together over coffee I would likely ramble on and on. Our time together might come to an end with me wondering if I allowed adequate time for you to spill your guts out too. I dislike the thought that I may have made it all about me. I want to hear from you too… I really do. Please God, whatever I said, may it have pointed to You.

I have much to tell you. God continues to transform me in mighty ways. Discover could be my one word for 2016, if I were to choose a word. I discover new truths about myself and also about God. The truths about me are not easy to accept yet necessary.

The truths about God... Oh may we not be done uncovering more truths about God until the day He brings us home and reveals all the mysteries.

I see God in all things. I hope I point to God in all things. Like when I admit to a heart struggle, I hope you know my faith remains grounded in who He is and His promises. There are admittedly days when I am shaken. But when those days come, I know where to go: Gods Word, prayer and godly friends.

I wrote the first part of this post several weeks ago and I now chuckle over the title I chose. Only God could know how much the truth of how He's unchanging would be needed right now. Because truthfully, friends, I struggle lately with change. And I struggle with good change, which seems so crazy.

For reasons, I have said little about my husband's deployment in this space. However, if we are friends on Facebook you may have caught wind of news that my husband is back in the states. This happened much sooner than planned. I obviously prefer his boots be planted on U.S. soil rather than foreign, unsafe soil.

But this is a change from laid out plans and I often do not handle change well.

The previous plan: I would see him again September-ish. I did not love this plan but I had accepted it and fallen into somewhat of a routine.

The new plan: there is no plan. He's not home and I don't know when he will be home. He's back due to medical issues (not life threatening but significant enough for the mission to end early for him.) and we do not have answers on how the medical issues will be addressed.

He's been back for several days and now resides only 7 hours away from me (we are actually in the same time zone) but we wait for our chance to see each other. I'd love for it to be easy to pack up and go, but it's not.

[Thankfully we now have a plan in place to see each other soon.]

His unplanned return impacts other plans too. Please don't hear me wrong, this is not a complaint; just truth.

Bottom line: the changes, the unknown and the waiting have shaken me some.

The truths I cling to are:

“Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.” Hebrews 13:8 (NIV)

"Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows." James 1:17 (NIV)

"The grass withers, and the flowers fade, but the word of our God endures forever." Isaiah 40:8 (NIV)

"The Lord's plans stand firm forever; His intentions can never be shaken." Psalm 33:11 (NLT)

It is well with my soul, friends. It really, really is. But it is well with my soul only because of who He is and because I am His. No matter the changes, unknowns or time of waiting, that truth is enough for me.

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When the writing runs dry

It's been almost a month since my last blog post.  There are attempts to write and then the attempts are quickly followed by the press of the delete button. If you follow me on my blog Facebook page you may have witnessed the disappearing act of a few status updates lately.

My reasons for not writing are many. Mostly it's attributed to a realignment of priorities. The Storyline Conference I attended last October led me through the process of outlining the various roles I play and then identifying which ones matter most to me. This helped me to create a life plan, or at least a plan for the year ahead by summarizing ambitions for each of these roles.

Child of God
Wife
Mother
Friend
Employee
Writer

Writing falls lower on the list than it once did. But am I ignoring God's call to write?

I do believe writing has the rightful lower position on my priority list. The priorities I listed above writing need to come first. God having proper place as my first love is changing my life. I now walk in freedom of an eating disorder only by the grace of God.

“The old has gone, the new is here” (2 Corinthians 5:17).

Like He did with the Israelite's, God spoke to me saying, “You have circled this mountain long enough. Now turn north” (Deuteronomy 2:3).

I have turned north and do not plan to turn back.

At the same time, Satan has not given up on his attempts to win the fight for my worship of him first. He increases the intensity, I believe, when we claim freedom from a stronghold for we have done the very thing he prowls around trying to prevent.

When it comes to writing I fall to Satan’s lies. He places seeds of doubts in my mind. Sounds familiar, doesn’t it? I have admitted to this before. The difference lies in letting doubt win – letting him win – by not writing.

There’s not a lack of God stories to share with you. Life is full of good and hard stuff. God’s presence and His wonders are experienced through it all.

I have a confession to make though. Doubt has allowed the writing to run dry. I have pushed away or deleted words given to me by God with a wide-range of excuses. The most popular excuses being, “It’s not good enough,” “It’s too hard” and “It doesn’t matter anyways.”

God has spoken again saying, “You have circled that mountain long enough too, Beth.”

The God stories embedded in my heart and mind of all the ways He continues to redeem and transform need to be told. It’s those kinds of stories we as Christian writers pray point others to Him. Because the whole purpose of what God does in our lives is to bring attention to Him. It has nothing to do with us.

As said by our Executive Pastor in a recent sermon, “The purpose of signs and wonders it to prove Jesus and to point to Jesus.”

If I allow doubt to let the writing run dry then it’s like saying to God that the work He does in and around me doesn’t matter.

I certainly do not want to say that.

How about I (we) do this instead?

“Shout the news of his victory from sea to sea,
Take the news of his glory to the lost,
News of his wonders to one and all!”
~ Psalm 96:3 (MSG)

The writing may still be infrequent which is okay if the infrequency stems from properly aligned priorities and not because of doubt.

Am I done with writing until 2016 as I said in a recent status update? How about I carry on with letting God determine when I write.

Until next time…

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My hope is found in Him

In many ways it’s a beautiful season for me. I see His goodness bursting forth in all things. I adore this time of being more intentional in my relationships with my husband, children and friends.  The days seem to move at a slower pace, a delightful pace of cherishing each and every moment.

This season isn't absent of sorrow. My heart mourns the loss of someone I love deeply. I have learned that a loss can come in many different forms; it does not only come with death. I pray daily for the person I love to choose differently. I pray daily for God to teach me to extend love, even if it goes unseen, no matter how this part of our story unfolds.

God takes us through different seasons. I believe in every season He seeks to reveal truth about Himself, give us new wisdom for our spiritual journey and leave us with a promise for more of Him.

I see it in His letters to the seven churches in the province of Asia (Revelations 1:4) as I read the Book of Revelation. Each one begins with a picture of Him, then gives a warning and ends with a promise.

It begins and ends with Him.

It’s all about Him.

I find myself wrestling with God at times over this season of less writing He has brought me to. The wrestle comes in the form of jealousy and comparison as my Facebook news-feed fills with beautiful posts written by others whom I adore. Jealousy and comparison is an ugly thing. It absolutely steals your joy. But He came to give us life to the fullest (John 10:10).

So God doesn't leave me in the wrestle.

He reminds me of who He is and who I am in Him.
He extends gentle warnings through His Word.
He promises more of Him if I choose to trust and obey Him.

I trust in you, Lord. 
You are good.
You are faithful.

I was asked recently to describe what made me fall in love with Jesus and what makes me follow Him. My response came with ease but it also came with wet eyes. Love stories are usually told with wet eyes.

It's for two words: redemption and transformation. I witnessed how He redeems and makes all things new. You can read our story here. And His work of redemption and transformation never ends. There's always more: more ways we need to surrender to Him and more ways He wants to transform us.

He is my hope . . . the hope for better. A life without Him would be a life without hope. A life without Him is one I will not choose.

Maybe what I love most about this season is how I have fallen in love with Him all over again. As He becomes greater in my life (John 3:30), through devoted time with Him and In His Word, He performs new miracles. His mercies are new every morning (Lamentations 3:22-23). I come before Him with my fears, doubts and thoughts of unworthiness, and He says, "I'm not finished with you yet, Beth. Look, I am doing a new thing" (Isaiah 43:19).

I have come to a place of knowing this season He has me in is the very place I need to be. I can see so clearly His love and goodness, even in the midst of sorrow. He will not waste this. There will be beauty on the other side. There will be a transformation. I know this with every fiber of my being because I have come to know Him.

This is the hope I profess: He is faithful. He is good always. His love is never-ending. His arms are far reaching—nothing is too far off for Him to redeem and transform.

It’s the hope which keeps my eyes and heart set on Him always. When He comes to my door He does not need to knock because the door to my heart remains wide open (Revelation 3:20).

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Not Writer's Block [and God's goodness]

The fewer posts are not a result of writers block. It has nothing to do with not having anything to write about. As I wrote in my last post, there’s a wrestle that happens when I write but maybe the wrestle will always be there. Maybe it has to do with how God created me. It simply takes time for me to process my thoughts.

That’s okay. What God creates is always good.

There's a wide range of topics I could cover in a post because life is full these days. The days are filled with good and hard stuff. In the midst of everything my heart still sings of His goodness. There are truly ten thousand reasons (and more) for my heart to find.

Yet, I do not feel prompted by God to write. Well, there are words still written. Bits and pieces of my heart scatter around me in different forms. These things on my heart though, sometimes they are more sacred and not meant to be shared.

Some of the writing happens via prayer requests; there's a big one circling right now. Thank you to those who are praying. You are teaching me the power found in gathering with sisters and brothers in Christ in prayer. Prayer does works.

A friend wrote to me today and left words which encouraged my heart. Her words remind me of how God puts people in our life for a reason. We are called to be the body of Christ and this body has many parts. And every one of us is a vital member of the body (1 Corinthians 12:27). I am also reminded of words from Jesus in in Matthew 18:20: "For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them." He created us to gather with others. The way we gather is not limited. Oh, how unlimited the ways we gather can be.

For example, online friends are real friends who gather together via the web. Online friends continue to bless me daily. They give me at least a thousand reasons, likely many more, to sing praises to God.

The friend I mentioned above wrote the below in her email to me:

"I love how you write - truly from the heart and I miss your more frequent posts, but am excited to hear what new things God is calling you to?? So tell me...what is new...what are you up to?  In what direction is God tugging your heart?"

It was Christ that bound us together across the interweb as I read her email.

As I pondered my response to my friend, I thought I might share with you at least one thing I am up to these days. It's all kinds of exciting. It has everything to do with Him becoming greater in my life.

One of the best yeses I have given to God since becoming a Christ follower is joining a local Bible Study Fellowship (BSF) class. Every Monday, since September 2014, I gather with 200+ other women to be in God’s Word together and have meaningful conversations. Every day of the week, since the first meeting I attended, I wake early to be with God and study His Word.

This time has drawn me closer to Him. You do know it’s what He wants must from us, right?

The above has led me to give God another yes. Last weekend I started training to be a Group Leader for BSF. Oh friends, I have wobbly knees over this yes but I am also super-duper excited to lead other women in going deeper in their relationship with Christ.

I happen to be writing a lot these days as I give daily lesson questions more thought and attempt to figure out how the heck to do homiletics. More hours per week are devoted to my studies but it’s so worth it.

God’s Word is indeed alive and active (Hebrews 4:12). It’s rocking my world!

There are other new things to talk about but until we make the rounds with family I am holding off on talking about those things here. My husband and I both come from large families so give us time.

Oh, by the way, the friend of mine who so encouraged my heart today has a beautiful blog. I would be most grateful if you would hop on over to say hello to her. You will love her, I promise. Meet Beverly of Walking Well With God

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Remember His Faithfulness

I sit here in my office and stare at a picture of me and my husband which sits on my desk.

The picture was taken a month before he departed for his first deployment. A photo session offered by a friend became much more than a photo session. The photos captured tender moments between the two of us knowing our See-You-Later moment neared.

There are other pictures scattered around my desk too.

Our last gathering as a family happened in August 2013. It feels like many moons ago.

Soon we will gather again to welcome home our eldest son from his deployment. When I daydream about the day (which I do often) it leads to tears every single time.

At the same time, there’s much remembering these days. I remember the good and not-so-good seasons of the twenty six years with my husband and raising two children together. The not-so-good seasons are preferred forgotten. But God has us remember to see His faithfulness. Like He did with the Israelites, He wants us to remember how He delivered us.

We preserve our faith and trust in God by remembering His grace in our lives. And we make His grace known for generations to come. It’s what brings me here to tell our story.

“Only take care, and keep your soul diligently, lest you forget the things that your eyes have seen, and lest they depart from your heart all the days of your life. Make them known to your children and your children’s children.” ~~ Deuteronomy 4:9

Oh, the grace . . . undeserved grace.

We have experienced our share of trials and temptations. In our four years as Christ followers, our faith has been challenged and it will continue to be challenged for years to come.

For this reason we “hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for He who promised is faithful” (Hebrews 10:23). We fight for our faith always, not only in the not-so-good times.

How do we fight for our faith?

We fight for our faith by remembering. We remember that God did not promise a trouble free walk with Him. We are promised the direct opposite by Jesus in John 16:33. He does promise to walk us through the storms of life toward an eternal life with Him.

“Take hold of the eternal life to which you were called when you made your good confession in the presence of many witnesses.” ~~ 1 Timothy 6:12

I keep identifying with the Israelites.

In Leviticus 9 when the glory of the Lord appeared to all the Israelites (v. 23) it says they “shouted for joy and fell facedown” (v. 24).

Whether I look back or look forward, I see the glory of the Lord. For God is in all things. He’s omniscient: past, present and future. He is Immanuel, God with us. What else should our response be to such grace other than to fall on our knees with shouts of joy?

And “though [we] have not seen him, [we] love him; and even though [we] do not now see him now, [we] believe in him and are filled with inexpressible and glorious joy, for [we] are receiving the end result of [our] faith, the salvation of [our] souls.” ~~ 1 Peter 1:8-9

This is faith: Faith is belief in the one and only true God without actually seeing Him.

So, again, how do we fight for our faith?

We believe even though we do not see Him.
We remember His faithfulness in bringing us this far.
And we trust Him with the un-known future.

Trust requires us to put aside our own desires for His. We deny ourselves, pick up our cross and follow Him (Luke 9:23) because He has proven Himself faithful. We have come to know His ways are far better than our ways.

When we fight for our faith the result is a deeper and more intimate walk with Him. Oh, how He wants us to know Him. And there's always more for us to know. We are never complete in the task of knowing Him.

Knowing God makes all the difference no matter what we face, for over time our faith becomes bigger than our fears. And when God leads us straight into our deepest fear we are better equipped to trust that He knows what He's doing. We can respond to His call saying: "I will follow you no matter the cost because my trust is in You."

This is why we can consider it “pure joy” when we face trials, because we know the testing of our faith produces perseverance (James 1:2).

So “Let perseverance finish its work so that [we] may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” ~~ James 1:3

How do you fight for your faith? How do you persevere during trials?

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