Friday, November 14, 2014

Messy and Beautiful Love


I planned a getaway for us while my husband’s boots still stood on foreign soil; on enemy soil. After some research, I discovered the American Club in Kohler, Wisconsin offered fifty percent off their room rates for Veterans over the Veterans Day holiday. The American Club happens to be where we spent our honeymoon twenty-four years ago.

Something seemed so right about going back to where our journey began.


On the way to our destination, we stopped for lunch at this cute fish restaurant which sat along Lake Michigan in Port Washington, Wisconsin. Our conversation over lunch consisted of reminiscing and also sharing our hopes and dreams for the future.

We talked about simple things too, like the list of 31 FREE Things To Do With Your Spouse For Fun found on Tricia Goyer’s blog.  We have plans to conquer all 31 things.

I lost track early on of how many times I told him, I love you, Dear.

We laughed over how little we remembered of our time in Kohler twenty-four years ago. We were twenty-one years old at the time. For the most part, all we remember is how anxious we were to return home to our four-month old son.

Neither of us felt anxious to return home this time around. With our four days away now behind us, I can also say I don’t expect either of us to have difficulty remembering this trip.

Does the name Kohler ring any bells? Think lovely kitchens and bathrooms. The loveliest ones you can imagine most likely include Kohler products. All sleeping rooms at the American Club, a five-star resort, include fancy sinks, showers and tubs. It’s glorious! Kohler, Wisconsin is a quaint and lovely town in and of itself.

When the bathtub in your room includes a blissful water experience via KOHLER Hydrotherapy (i.e. glorious whirlpool) it must be utilized. Yes, I am going there with this post. Our first night ended with the two of us naked in that tub.

But with all seriousness, it has nothing to do with the point of this post.

I had a rather messy moment in that bathtub but it ended with sheer beauty. God has this way of taking our messes and making them beautiful.

I could claim I panicked due to an unusual fear of water. More than likely it had much more to do with intense body image issues which have contributed to years of struggling with intimacy. It did not take long for me to want out of our glorious tub.

Instead, my husband turned me around so my back would face him. He took a sponge and began to gently scrub my back to calm my nerves and elevate those all too familiar insecurities.

I thanked him for how he loves me. I thanked him for his kindness and patience. His response, “I wasn’t always this way, Beth. I was not kind. I was not patient.” With my back toward my husband, tears rolled down my cheeks.  At the same time though, the nerves and insecurities were no longer present. They vanished as quickly as they started.

Remember how I said God takes the messy and makes something beautiful? The messy stuff is part of the story He writes. If we took away all the messy parts of our journey, would we see the depth of beauty God has created in our marriage? Without the messy parts would we have learned what it means to love one another? If we took away all the messy parts would we have realized our need for God?

Marriage is hard. It's messy. It never stops being hard and messy. Give me both though. I would not change one single scene of the story God has written for us and I trust Him with the story He continues to write.

Maybe you are still wondering what message I am trying to leave with you. Maybe it’s a message for those couples who are knee deep in mess. And my message for you is . . . Do not lose hope. Do not give up. Trust in God. Let Him help you write a better story. He will take all the messy stuff and create something more beautiful than you could ever imagine.

I believe the more deep the mess the more beautiful He’s able to create.

Trust in Him.

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37 comments :

  1. God has been dropping little hope notes for me to find lately. Thank you for delivering one of them.

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    1. I am so glad to hear this, Janice. Praying for many more notes of hope to find there way to you. Blessings to you, sweet friend. xoxo

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  2. Love heals ... love grows ... love surprises

    Welcome home, friend!

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  3. Beth,
    One of the very reasons I love to sit and read your words is because they are real and they are power-filled with the love that God has put in your heart. The reality is grace is messy, faith is messy, life is messy.. living life together with 2 people who are full of issues and then bringing them together means marriage is messy. But out of mess comes some of the most BEAUTIFUL moments and heart-filled hallelujahs! And because of that, God moves through our messes to paint a canvas for His glory so others can be ministered, touched and redeemed through our journey. I love that you share so real, here. Thank you!
    Much love,
    Dawn

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    1. So much goodness and truth in what you shared, Dawn. Seriously, your comments ALWAYS bless me. I am so grateful for your friendship. Much love. xoxo

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  4. Hi there, Beth. Yes, marriage is messy, isn't it? I just had a conflict with my husband two days ago, but I'm so thankful because it opened my eyes to some things I want to change. I could see some of my attitudes through my husband's eyes. We ended on a positive note, and I've been left motivated to seek God for change and feel much more positive in general! Something that started out messy, God transformed.

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    1. Betsy, thank you so much for sharing. It's an example of how God wastes nothing in our lives. Even the messy stuff, and probably especially the messy stuff, He will use to show His glory. I am thankful He helped you and your husband to end your conflict on a positive note. Praise God! Blessings to you. xoxo

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  5. Beautiful post. Thankful God never leaves us in our messes. : )

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  6. Your honesty and willingness to share the good and the bad are exactly what I need when I visit here. There are parts of your story that resonate so loudly with my own and I feel every emotion you describe. Thank you for sharing words that are real and full of emotion and that are ones that I can learn so much from! Love you friend!

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    1. Mary, I so hope we have the opportunity to connect in real life one day. I know that kind of time with you would be such a blessing to me. Love YOU, friend. xoxo

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  7. I needed this post today.
    Several relationships need to mend.
    I also read another bloggers post that said, `We do the loving and God does the teaching`
    As long as I take heed there is much to learn in that. xoxo

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    1. Bob Goff said something similar recently, Michelle. "We do the loving; God does the guiding." Good stuff right there. Thank you for stopping by and for sharing. Blessings. xoxo

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  8. I'm so happy for you. This makes me long for more in my marriage. But that's a different conversation. It's a journey.
    Heather @40YW

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    1. It is so a journey, Heather. Much love to you, friend. xoxo

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  9. What a beautiful, messy marriage! My husband and I have really struggled over the last four or five years. Strained relationship, financial failure, job losses x2. It's all so overwhelming. We have a long road ahead of us, but we are committed to a better outcome.

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    1. You remain in my prayers, ALWAYS, Barbie. I know it has been a difficult year for you but you continue to be an inspiration to me on how keep seeking, leaning and trusting in Him. I love you. xoxo

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  10. Beth, thank you for sharing this intimate experience. I was blessed by it, and I'm sure many others are also. It's so encouraging that we serve a God who delights in making beauty from the messy things in life. And this question is one for my journal today... "If we took away all the messy parts of our journey, would we see the depth of beauty God has created in our marriage?" Excellent food for thought. Excellent post!

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    1. Thank you for your kind words, Karen. Blessings to you.

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  11. Oh Beth! I have tears running down my cheeks right now! Thank you for sharing this great story...your message came through loud and clear! God, indeed, makes beautiful things out of "messy" things...I know that to be true first hand! I love your husband's response to your panic -- gentle and loving. That's what God does, too. His comfort during our messy times gives us strength and grows us. This was beautiful, Beth. Marriage is beautiful...especially when we have our wonderful God at the center of it using our messiness to increase the depth of our love. Hugs, Joan

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    1. I loved how you pointed out how our God is gentle and loving. It reminds me that my husband won't be able to meet all my needs, but God . . . He is the only one who can meet all our needs. What a great God we serve. Thank you, sweet friend, for your encouragement. I love you much. xoxo

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    2. So true! I like to think of how our God fills all our needs and that everything above that (such as from our husbands, etc.) is just gravy on the top! Our cup over flows!!

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    3. My cup is over flowing!! You make me smile. :)

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  12. I'm so glad you had a wonderful time away! I appreciate your transparency, Beth. God is using you. God also transformed our messy marriage into something beautiful, and continues to do so. Bless you, sweet friend!

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    1. Friend, let's plan a coffee date for 2015! I really would love the opportunity to share our stories. Thank you for your friendship. Blessings. xoxo

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  13. Oh! my dear Beth! Your husband is blessed to have you and it is true: blessed is the man who has a good wife. Now! See what the Lord hath done!

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    1. You are so sweet, Chris. I am equally blessed to have him. Blessings to you.

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  14. Oh, ((((Beth)))) Tears of joy and healing. I just love that you and Hero had this time together and that you spent it truly together. You know what I mean. Thank you for sharing with us. I love you dearly. Heart Hugs, Shelly <3

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    1. Thank you sweet, friend. And I completely know what you mean. Love you so much. xoxo

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  15. So blessed by your brave sharing of your messy-turned-beautiful moment. Such encouragement and hope in the middle of life as it is. Thank you for sharing this.

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    1. Thank you, Ginger. I appreciate your words of encouragement. Much love. xoxo

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  16. Oh, Beth, your words are so fine and the message that God has delivered to me through them is even more so. I so struggle with body image from years gone by and my husband is so precious to me for everything, but in that area, he is the best. He is like that back scrub and those beautiful moments of unconditional love. May God continue to bless you as you grown in Him.
    Caring through Christ, ~ linda

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    1. I am always so blessed by your comments, Linda, and your willingness to share. I am grateful to God for connected us in this beautiful online world. Many blessings to you. Much love. xoxo

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  17. Beautiful encouragement Beth for all of us that live in hard and messy.

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  18. Oh Beth, how beautiful. I'm not a fan of messy life, but as you've said, sometimes it's the messy parts that make the beautiful moments shine so brightly. Would we fully appreciate the sun if we didn't have some storms? Would we fully enjoy its warmth without the coldness of winter?

    Would we ever have had the chance to experience eternal life without the messy cross?

    Oh Lord, thank You that You work in the mess of our lives. Thank You for bringing beauty out of our trials. Thank You for the love that You shower upon us. May we love like You do, so that all whose lives we touch know that they are special.

    GOD BLESS!

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Much love to you.