Friday, June 5, 2015

When the writing runs dry


It's been almost a month since my last blog post.  There are attempts to write and then the attempts are quickly followed by the press of the delete button. If you follow me on my blog Facebook page you may have witnessed the disappearing act of a few status updates lately.

My reasons for not writing are many. Mostly it's attributed to a realignment of priorities. The Storyline Conference I attended last October led me through the process of outlining the various roles I play and then identifying which ones matter most to me. This helped me to create a life plan, or at least a plan for the year ahead by summarizing ambitions for each of these roles.

Child of God
Wife
Mother
Friend
Employee
Writer

Writing falls lower on the list than it once did. But am I ignoring God's call to write?

I do believe writing has the rightful lower position on my priority list. The priorities I listed above writing need to come first. God having proper place as my first love is changing my life. I now walk in freedom of an eating disorder only by the grace of God.

“The old has gone, the new is here” (2 Corinthians 5:17).

Like He did with the Israelite's, God spoke to me saying, “You have circled this mountain long enough. Now turn north” (Deuteronomy 2:3).


I have turned north and do not plan to turn back.

At the same time, Satan has not given up on his attempts to win the fight for my worship of him first. He increases the intensity, I believe, when we claim freedom from a stronghold for we have done the very thing he prowls around trying to prevent.

When it comes to writing I fall to Satan’s lies. He places seeds of doubts in my mind. Sounds familiar, doesn’t it? I have admitted to this before. The difference lies in letting doubt win – letting him win – by not writing.

There’s not a lack of God stories to share with you. Life is full of good and hard stuff. God’s presence and His wonders are experienced through it all.

I have a confession to make though. Doubt has allowed the writing to run dry. I have pushed away or deleted words given to me by God with a wide-range of excuses. The most popular excuses being, “It’s not good enough,” “It’s too hard” and “It doesn’t matter anyways.”

God has spoken again saying, “You have circled that mountain long enough too, Beth.”


The God stories embedded in my heart and mind of all the ways He continues to redeem and transform need to be told. It’s those kinds of stories we as Christian writers pray point others to Him. Because the whole purpose of what God does in our lives is to bring attention to Him. It has nothing to do with us.

As said by our Executive Pastor in a recent sermon, “The purpose of signs and wonders it to prove Jesus and to point to Jesus.”

If I allow doubt to let the writing run dry then it’s like saying to God that the work He does in and around me doesn’t matter.

I certainly do not want to say that.

How about I (we) do this instead?

“Shout the news of his victory from sea to sea,
Take the news of his glory to the lost,
News of his wonders to one and all!”
~ Psalm 96:3 (MSG)

The writing may still be infrequent which is okay if the infrequency stems from properly aligned priorities and not because of doubt.

Am I done with writing until 2016 as I said in a recent status update? How about I carry on with letting God determine when I write.

Until next time…

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32 comments :

  1. Love this post, friend! And love that verse too!! I feel doubt often and think it's what has stalled me off in working on the books I have on my plate. I'm determined to listen to God and turn it around. Thanks for your encouragement to do just that! Love you! xoxo

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    1. Thank you, sweet friend, for YOUR encouragement. Praying for us both to listen to His voice only. Love you. xoxo

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  2. It's much harder for me to get writing again once I stopped. And yes, I lean into doubt and fear and the "I'm not good enoughs". Let's both allow God to lead us, shall we? You always bless with your words friend.

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    1. It is super hard to start back up again, Barbie. I said recently to Mary, I believe, that's it's challenging to be a once and a while blogger. But we have to stay true to God. Yes, let's let Him be in the lead. Love you, dear friend. xoxo

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  3. Oh wow, Beth ... these last words that flowed from your heart ... 'How about I carry on with letting God determine when I write.'

    What freedom and joy and just plain relief spring forth.

    I love you, I miss you, I trust God with you. Completely!

    My eyes are welling up ... but I know you understand, dear friend.

    May blessings overflow as you continue to discern and obey His call on your life. I join all your friends in cheering you on ... and am sharing this on my sidebar.

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    1. Okay, I'm welling up now too. You so touch my heart, Linda. I just love you. xoxo

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  4. Keep a journal! It will serve as a wealth of topic--when you come back! You have your priorities right--so now plan to live accordingly. A movement toward obedience!
    Blessings!

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    1. Oh, keeping a journal is such a fabulous idea. If only, I kept up with that practice. But always worth giving it another try. Thank you for stopping by Lulu. Blessings.

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  5. I have been writing less over the last month. I am feeling the need to be quiet and listen. Although I do miss reading your words here with more frequency, I am thankful that you are making healthy choices, and that you continue to write (when you feel lead!) with authenticity. Less is more. Amen :)

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    1. Thank you for your encouragement, Lyli. I appreciate you. Much love. xoxo

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  6. This is just beautiful from beginning to end. I always think as you share about writing that our purpose is writing for God so if we do not keep a regular schedule that is just fine. God is leading us toward our future and following Him is what it is all about. Thank you for being so faithful in who you are and who you are as God's child. Love you girl!

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    1. You've been so on my mind today, Mary. I imagine you are full of emotions so please know I am holding you close in prayer and so look forward to coming alongside of you in this next chapter of your life. And looking forward to hugging you in real life SOON!

      Love you. xoxo

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  7. Beth,
    PRAISE!! about the victory over the eating disorder. I'm purposely not saying "your" eating disorder because it isn't yours anymore. I will continue to pray for victory for you!! As for this post...this is the real, the gritty, the honest Beth that I love. You DO have a story to tell and I will pray that you will be able to kick the enemy to the curb right along with the doubt that he plagues you with. Know that you are not alone. Doubt is always prowling around waiting to devour me in a moment of weakness. Let's link arms and be conquerors together...okay? No matter what your frequency, I will always love reading the words that come from your beautiful heart! Praising God for you today :)
    Love and ((hugs)),
    Bev

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    1. Hello, sweet friend. I love the idea of not calling it "my" eating disorder anymore too! Thanks for your always wonderful encouragement. You are a blessing to me. xoxo

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  8. Wise words, Beth! Let God determine when you push the button to publish or delete! Shouting the news of his goodness with you! Blessings to you - Shalom to you!!!
    Maryleigh!

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  9. Father knows best...Blessings to you as you grow closer to Him in every aspect of your precious life. Love and hugs!!

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    1. Indeed He does! Thank you, Sheila. Love to you. xoxo

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  10. Letting God determine what you {we} write, is the best course, my friend. I'm praying for each one of your steps along that path. You are such an inspiration, I'm not certain I can even express it well here, but the way you are determined deny satan a foothold, and follow God's will for your life, again and again, is inspiring and empowering, my dear friend. Whether in the silence or in the shouting, God is with you. Have a wonder-filled week!

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    1. I hope you know how much I love you and appreciate you. Thanks, friend. Your comment here truly encouraged my heart. Much love. xoxo

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  11. Such an honest and brave post, Beth. It's always such a beautiful thing to see priorities aligned properly and how a heart truly seeks the Lord even if it means writing less -- or maybe at some point, writing more than before. But as long as God comes first, it will all be alright. Thank you for sharing this, Beth. You have inspired and encouraged my heart today.

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    1. Thank you so much for your visit and kind words, Ronja. Blessings.

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  12. i appreciate your honesty in this struggle. There are seasons for life too. I know for many years I knew the calling of writing but it wasn't the right time yet. So keep open to God's timing. God will use you when you are needed with this gift.

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    1. Thank you, Jean. Always a blessing to see you here. xoxo

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  13. Hi Beth! Wow, what wonderful things you are hearing in your time of quiet. Imagine finding out that your call to stop writing didn't come from God at all? That's an amazing thing to think about...how we can be pulled off our path by a voice that seems to make so much sense, and seem so right.

    Please do write as you feel called, that's the best thing to do. If you have stories that need to be aired, then AIR THEM!! If they should stay tucked in your heart, TUCK THEM! God will let you know in His own time, in His own way.
    I'd say you have a pretty good story just in this one struggle!
    Good to see you back,
    Ceil

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    1. Thank you for your comment here and for your email, Ceil. I hope you are having a wonderful trip. Looking forward to planning another visit with you soon. Much love. xoxo

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  14. For a person who says that they struggle to get the words out, you certainly have beautiful things to say. And, I have a feeling, Beth, that the *dry well* is indeed because of the enemy. God does have things He wants to say through you, of that I'm sure. Sometimes we have to write even when we don't feel like it, even when the words do not flow, just because we feel that God is telling us to do so. If that's what you're hearing, write. Don't listen to the lies, ignore the self-doubt, forget about perfection. Take the turn north and see where it goes...

    Of course, if God is calling you to a season of quiet - for the right *His* reasons - enjoy that, too. Sometimes the non-writing times are times when we're just gathering stories.

    In it all, I pray for your discernment, for your courage. And for the understanding that God loves you very much. No matter what.

    GOD BLESS - love you!

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    1. When your comment comes through to my In Box it always makes me smile big, Sharon, because they are always so heartfelt and a big blessing to me. THANK YOU for that. So grateful to call you my friend. xoxo

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  15. Dear Beth, I know God works within you in so many dear ways to Him. He knows the priorities you have set down on paper are His. I believe that too. I also know that guilt and doubt can embed our every step and curtail things that are and would have been of God. Yet, sometimes, we must let the habits of our worldly existence go by the wayside only to let Him shine through. I am writing a post right now on rolling over our cares and concerns to God; He then acts (Psalm 37:5-6). (Should be up later tonight??) When I lay the things I think I HAVE to do down, He has room in me to teach me what He wants and will dictate the writing from those beautiful empty spaces that have been so filled with my have-tos. I say "Congratulations" on the path north out and away from the eating disorder. God's ways are surely the best.
    Know that I love you, ~ linda

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