Seasons, Chapters and Choosing Love

I recently wrote about our old oak table and the memories which surround the table. My time of reflection brought me to conclude we need to hold on to our table. The table has actually since undergone a makeover.

Trips down memory lane happen frequently for me these days. And those trips take me back to the different seasons of my life. Like different seasons of the year, God takes us through different seasons throughout our time here on earth.

A while back, my friend Holly sent me a Voxer message after reading a post I had written on the book I dream about (every writer’s dream, I believe). The book would likely be a collection of stories from my years of marriage. Holly suggested the chapter titles simply be a particular year of my marriage. Her suggestion resonated with me.

Basically, the different seasons of our marriage would become chapters.

I don't imagine the book would be a chapter for every year of my marriage but it could highlight the years when I believe God did something profound, grew our faith and trust in Him or prepared us for a new chapter.

My book choices lately are ones written by Shauna Niequist. I loved her book Bread and Wine so I decided to continue with a Shauna theme by reading Cold Tangerines and Bittersweet. I completed Cold Tangerines and have a hundred pages or so left to read in Bittersweet.

In the chapter titled “Sea Dreams” of Bittersweet, Shauna writes, “Sometimes we have to leave home in order to find out what we left there and why it matters so much.”

Her words speak to a chapter in my marriage; a chapter when I left my husband and home. This chapter would be titled "1999." Whenever I reflect on this chapter I try to do so without regret. Of course, it breaks my heart to recall the hurt I caused my husband. At the same time, I do believe the act of leaving allowed me to discover what I had left and why he mattered so much.

Thankfully, 1999 ended with God having grander plans for the next chapter – 2000 – a chapter which included a fight for my marriage.

We appear to be on the edge of another chapter ending. It too relates to the words written by Shauna. The second part of those words may end differently though. I tread lightly here because this chapter ending doesn't relate to my marriage. On the other hand, it impacts our family and lays heavy on my heart.

As one chapter potentially ends, God teaches me how each chapter matters.

In a video series, Living Life Together featuring Shauna Niequist, Shauna says in the second video of the series that “our stories are stories of who God is.” God is love. And God calls us to love. We love no matter what the future may hold for a relationship. I have the choice to look back with regret for years spent loving someone and now consider it as time wasted. I also have the choice to be grateful for the chapter they were a part of. And I can be more like Christ by choosing love amidst the sorrow of their loss.

Every chapter matters because whether it’s a chapter filled with joy or sorrow we have the opportunity to glorify Him. It’s another chapter of our life which tells of who He is.

The year 2015 would surely be another chapter in my book. It's shaping out to be a profound year of God awakening us to His love, faithfulness and every day graces. The year has been full of good and hard moments and we haven’t even made it halfway through the year. Yet, we experience God’s love and faithfulness, maybe even greater so when He walks with us through the hard.

While 2015 may include a less fortunate ending for people we love, the marriage between my husband and I, which came close to an end back in 1999, will celebrate 25 years in October. All praise and glory goes to God.

This reflection reminds me not to limit what God can do. His ways are not our ways and many times far exceed our understanding. So I will choose to love through what may be an end of a chapter.

While I might guard my heart more closely, I will not close my heart to choosing love again no matter how this chapter ends or the next one begins.

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