God's Providential Hand

This past Friday, April 13th, my husband messaged me saying, “Today is 8 years complete.”  On April 13, 2010 he enlisted in the Army Reserves.

My response… It has been a crazy 8 years.

Our military life journey began before the April 13th date. Maybe it began with me thinking I could forbid my husband to speak about our son potentially enlisting in the military. I actually stormed out on a dinner date with my younger sister and her husband because my husband had the audacity to bring up the topic yet again.

My standard response to the idea… No!! I will not have it.

I imagine our God has a sense of humor and I think every time I made this declaration He smiled with a hint of laughter for the story He had already written for us. “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future (Jeremiah 19:11).”

Here we are 8 years later. I tried to forbid military life for our son and it became a way of life for us as a family. Even after my acceptance to this drastic life change (my husband was 41 at the time he enlisted) never could I have imagined what God had planned for us.

Our present reality is not the focus of this post though. The focus I desire is God’s sovereignty.

Because this I believe… that night when I stormed out of the restaurant and left my husband in the care of family to drive him home, God’s providential hand was at work. It had been at work in and through and over us all along writing our But God story with defining moments that would discipline us to get our attention. That night in the restaurant was one of those defining moments.

Another defining moment came when in a counseling session with our son and a counselor we used for several years for us individually and as a couple. Enlistment in the military came up in the discussion as an option for our son and my son’s response was, “My mom won’t let me.”

My son did not need my consent. He simply wanted my support.

He enlisted for the first time in the U.S. Navy on April 30, 2009 (there’s more to this story which involves a broken collar bone, a cancelled contract and another enlistment).

Another rather significant defining moment came when my husband approached me with his desire to enlist in the Army Reserves. I did not storm out of the restaurant we were in that evening when, dare I say, he bravely told me of this desire. Quite the opposite happened – I looked at him with overflowing admiration.

On September 18, 2010 we celebrated my husband’s departure for Basic Training and our son’s departure to soon follow in January 2011.

Seriously, we were not capable of dreaming up such a story. But God is able to write such a story.

I had every intention of winning in forbidding military life for our family. But God in turn used military life to draw us to Him (read story here). I can now look back and see His providential hand in those defining moments, and all the moments between, bringing us to where we are now.

I see God in all things. I can go back to the day I first told my husband I wanted a divorce. An early morning in bed where I sat up, looked at him convinced a life apart was the best way, and told him, “I can’t do this anymore.”

I see all the ways God put obstacles and storms in our path to redirect us to His way for us. I see all the ways God chased after us… where he was leaving the 99 to go after two.

Oh, the overwhelming, never-ending, reckless love of God
Oh, it chases me down, fights 'til I'm found, leaves the ninety-nine
I couldn't earn it, and I don't deserve it, still, You give Yourself away
Oh, the overwhelming, never-ending, reckless love of God
Reckless Love, Cory Asbury

As our Executive Pastor said in his sermon last Sunday on Jonah, Chapter 1 – “The Love of God chases us. He doesn’t give up on us.”

God was relentless in getting our attention to re-route us to Him with a soul purpose of life transformation – a new life with Him at the center.

The sovereign, providential hand of God did whatever was required to get us where we needed to be – in a relationship with Him - because of His overwhelming, never-ending reckless love for us. May our response to His discipline and love always be, “Lord, have your way with us.” I say this because I’m full aware there is much more work to be done.

But I am confident of this, “he who began a good work in us will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus (Philippians 1:6).”

I have far extended my word count limit, friends. I pray the post to follow this will tell you what I desire to say when someone questions the realness of our God. I pray for boldness to speak of His most excellent way (1 Corinthians 12:31). I pray I never tire of giving thanks for HIS providential hand in my (in our) life.


“Thanks be to God for his indescribable gift! (2 Corinthians 9:15).”

Share |

Three Word Wednesday: My Story Matters

Last week I shared how God planted a dream in my heart to tell my story and how the dream went beyond telling my story here. For me the dream is bigger than my dream to write a book.

I dream of standing before a group of women and telling them how a marriage can overcome lies, adultery, alcoholism, separations, depression, bulimia, emotional abuse and so much more.

When the dream first began God had only just begun moving into my heart. My marriage had overcome many obstacles but I believed it was by our own strength. If I would have told my story when I first had the dream my story would have been more about me and less about God.

My story has changed.

I’m trying to decide what details from those earlier chapters of my story are worthy of sharing. I type the word worthiness and begin to question the worthiness of telling my story period. Why does my story matter?

“You didn't make yourself in your mother’s womb, God did, and to say you aren't important is to say his creation lacks substance.” ~ Donald Miller, Storyline (pg. 24)

I keep waiting for my story to be tied up with a pretty bow. To stand and tell you about my days spent in a mental hospital because of an eating disorder, I must first have complete freedom from the disorder. I want to tell you my identity is completely wrapped up in God and all those insecurities that led to years of depression and an eating disorder no longer exist. My story needs to be perfect to be worthy of telling.

But we will never reach perfection in this lifetime. If we did, why would we need a savior?

"There will be no perfecting of ourselves this side of God's return so we might as well stop kicking ourselves around about our faults." (pg. 19)

So what makes my story worthy?

When I look back at the highlights of my story many of those highlights include heartache. I can now look back and see how God was always with me. He was silently moving into my heart.

I’m unable to tell you I've found complete freedom from my eating disorder. And, yes, I still have days when I place my identity in things other than Christ. But God (those two words are always followed by good news) is still with me and I know He has great plans for me.

“God created you and He created you with the power to bring light into darkness and order into chaos. You are necessary. And the sooner you believe that, the sooner you’ll bond with God in living a great story.” (pg. 23-24)

The story I want to tell you reflects all He’s done for me. It has many hallelujahs. God saved me. He saved my marriage and He saved my family.

If you asked my why I write I'd tell you every part of me wants others to know the God I now know. Can I be honest though? This writing is HARD. I'm struggling, like really struggling, to express my whole heart to you. Before God my world was filled with darkness. I was without hope.

But God (oh how I love those two words) pulled me out of that darkness. He gave me hope.

There is so much I'm leaving out. I don't know where to begin. Can you feel my heart though? I believe my story can save lives. Saying that to you has nothing to do with me and EVERYTHING to do with Him. I know without a doubt that everything I went through was Him preparing me to help Him bring light into darkness.

Satan intended to harm me, "but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives." ~ Genesis 50:20

I don't know when my dream to actually stand before a group of women will become a reality. In the meantime, my prayer is somehow my heart is reflected in the words I write and they lead you to pursue God with all your heart. Make Him the theme of your story.

Three Word Wednesday: Telling My Story

I'm joining my friend Kristin Taylor in a 10-week study of Donald Miller's book Storyline: Finding Your Subplot In God's Story.  I've only read the first few pages of the book but he won me over by the third paragraph with, "We believe your story was a blank page given to you by God and to write a great story on that page is a noble pursuit and a gift to the world."

Coincidentally, my most recent post for Circles of Faith encourages others to tell their story because when we do God is glorified. God reveals His love story for us through our stories.

In the introduction of Storyline Donald Miller writes, "...but what mattered, more than anything, was that I had been used by God for some small purpose." He suggests that we play a role in God's story. We have a subplot in His story — His epic story. The truth of the matter is our story isn't about us; it's about Him.

What part does God want us to play in His story? Okay, I have not read past the introduction so I won't get too far ahead of myself here.

My mind has been bouncing back and forth between what my subplot in God's story may be and my God-sized dreams. I see a connection between the two. Sometimes I think I have way too much time on my hands for thinking. I do my best to keep looking up so my thinking doesn't head south on me.

Over the weekend the BraveGirl Community shared a video by Tedx of Glennon Doyle Melton sharing her Lessons from the Mental Hospital.

In the seventeen minutes of the video Glennon, with great vulnerability I might add, tells her story. There were times in those seventeen minutes when I felt like she was telling my story. Bulimic. Mental Hospital. Capes. Pretend. Numb. Lie. These words all hit close to home — they are familiar.

Shortly after watching the video I came across a status update by the BraveGirl Community saying, "We want your brave story." Glennon's powerful testimony has me encouraged to tell my own story. I want to "make the unknown known."

As I consider telling my story my thoughts return to my God-sized dreams. I'm one who would have previously told you I don't have a God-sized dream. But lately God has had a thing or two to say about that. I recently shared a dream to write an e-book. The book would follow my hopes of joining The Nester this October in writing for 31 days on finding JOY in a deployment.

Another dream is to encourage military wives. I'm currently living out this dream for the next eight weeks by co-leading an (in)courage group for military wives.

Prior to these dreams, God placed a dream on my heart to tell my story. That dream led me to begin blogging. I've told bits and pieces of my story over the years. Some parts are easier to tell, some are harder and others I'm unable to tell. The dream goes beyond telling my story here. Maybe I will never be brave enough to tell my story like Glennon did. But God planted a dream way down deep in my heart to stand before others and pour out my heart. "I want to feel my feelings and share."

Why?

I'm reminded of something Deidra Riggs said at the Compel Conference: "We are here to reflect God glory here on earth."

How do we reflect God's glory? We share our stories.

I know my story, my subplot in God's story, is continually unfolding. However, I believe God wants me to tell the beginning chapters of my story. Those chapters reveal what only God has the power to do.

"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!" ~ 2 Corinthians 5:17