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| From my husband's last promotion. |
In the second post of my love dare series I admitted my jealousy towards my husband for the free time he has during his deployment. The jealousy continues to live in my heart.
My husband recently posted a Facebook status update expressing joy for the evenings when his unit gathers around a fire. They tell stories of basic training, other deployments and life back home. He mentioned these times almost felt like they were home, but the one thing missing was a cooler of beer.
The initial thoughts I had did not resemble a wife being her husband’s biggest cheerleader. Shouldn't I be the one thing missing?
When I read his status update it hurt my feelings. I also had a hint of jealousy over his evenings of fun. Don't get me wrong, I’m grateful he has those opportunities but I am longing for us to have an evening of fun together. I want to be the one thing missing.
I know there are other occasions when I let jealousy win over being his cheerleader.
He has an outgoing personality and makes friends easily. Kids adore him for his willingness to get on the floor and play. These qualities do not come with ease for me. When we are in situation where he has won the hearts of those around him, I tend to pull back instead of cheering him on.
With him being a soldier he often receives accolades for his service to our country. There are times when congratulations are in order for his accomplishments or advancement in rank. I get jealous of the attention he receives.
“Because love is not selfish and puts others first, it refuses to let jealousy in. It leads you to celebrate the successes of your spouse rather than resenting them.”– The Love Dare (pg. 37-38)
Jealousy plays out in other areas of my life too.
It creeps in as I read someone else’s blog. They write far better than me. I get jealous of the talents they have and I wish I had. They have more followers. Their posts have more shares. The list of where my thoughts can go goes on and on.
On all accounts, it comes down to envy and selfishness. (There is that selfishness once again.) I want what others have and lack gratitude for the gifts God has given me.
In James 3:15 we are told, “Such ‘wisdom’ does not come down from heaven but is earthly, unspiritual, demonic” (James 3:15). And right after that it says, “For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice” (James 3:16).
We are even told in Galatians 5:19-21 that those who live with envy and selfishness will not inherit the Kingdom. Ouch.
There are times when jealousy is legitimate. Jealousy was justified by both of us when on separate occasions we gave ourselves to another. I rightfully wanted back what belonged to me and the same held true for my husband.
A jealousy which comes from envy and selfishness will infect our marriages and other relationships. It keeps us from living a life of love. God’s wisdom tells us we are to “spur one another on toward love” (Hebrews 10:24).
As my husband’s wife I need to encourage him by celebrating his successes. I should be captain of his fan club.
Before my heart becomes rooted in envy and selfishness I need to seek God and His wisdom. He will free me from the need to compare myself to others, especially my husband, and want what they have. I want a heart rooted in God’s love. When rooted in His love, He will help me reflect His kind of love toward my husband and to others.
And I do this because of God's love for me. His love compels me (2 Corinthians 5:14) to love my husband and others with His kind of love.
Dare #8: Email, write, or telephone your spouse to tell them how glad you are about a recent success that they have achieved.
My husband keeps saying it's a “we” effort but I've expressed my appreciation to him via email, letter and phone for how he diligently stayed on top of our once horrible financial situation. As of today we are out of debt (minus a mortgage payment). There were virtual high fives during our recent Facetime. While I contributed financially, my husband contributed financially and did the grunt work (even while deployed). Praise God for how He provided and made this possible.
Thank you again, friends, for staying with me through this love dare journey.
Dare #1: Love is patient
Dare #2: Love is kind
Dare #3: Love is not selfish
Dare #4: Love is thoughtful
Dare #5: Love is not rude
Dare #6: Love is not irritable
Dare #7: Love believes the best
Dare #8: Love is not jealous
Next week: Love makes good impressions
Love your transparency friend! Thank you for sharing your journey with us. Much love to you.
ReplyDeleteThank you for your encouragement, Holly. I appreciate you! <3
DeleteHI Beth, wonderful thoughts you have shared here. It can be challenging to be happy for the accomplishments of others. Over the years, I have found that the blessing which comes from cheering on others & helping others to succeed has become the joy of my heart. May God deposit into us His ability to love like Him, with agape love, always in the best interest of the others. May God continue to bind you & Scott together in love & for His purposes! Much love!
ReplyDeleteYou always add good wisdom, Joanne. Thank you for that. You are so correct . . . such joy is found through cheering others on. I just need to get myself out of the way and love on others. I also simply love the word "agape." <3 Thank you for sharing. Much love to you. xoxo
DeleteWhat a challenge! Such honesty. I needed this reminder: "When rooted in His love, He will help me reflect His perfect love towards my husband and to others." Thank you Beth for walking this path so courageously! Love to you!
ReplyDeleteI've had those words from Ephesians 3 on my mind a lot recently. They always remind me to come back to Him . . . to spend time with Him and His word so my roots will grow down deep in His love. Thank you for your encouragement, Rebekah. Love you.
DeleteYour words are so real and encouraging. I can see this Love Dare changing your perspective - how rewarding it will be when you and your husband are back together again this fall and have a new foundation for your relationship. I'm proud of you for always being willing to grow and for the way you're commitment to your marriage and military life. That verse from Hebrews is one of my favorites. Love you, Beth.
ReplyDeleteKristin, thank you so much for your encouraging words. You are a blessing to me, friend. Love you. xoxo
DeleteI am with you on this one, Beth! I appreciate your transparency and your perspective on jealousy. I'm one who has seemed to struggle with it for as long as I can remember. Thank you for pointing me to the One who can help me. I'm going to follow through with Dare #8. Thank you!
ReplyDeleteI'm glad it encouraged you, Julie, to send some encouraging words your husband's way. I know it can be easy for us to take them for granted. Having my husband gone has really taught me how much I can take him for granted. I pray God uses this love dare series to change my heart in all the ways I love my husband not just while he is away, but especially when he returns back home. Thank you for your encouraging words. Bless you.
DeleteThanks for telling it like it is! Our struggles are real, and God's truth and grace are real. Blessings!
ReplyDeleteThank you for stopping by, Ginger. It's so nice to see you here. Blessings.
DeleteI am right there with you. Thank you for sharing your journey with us. You are courageous my friend. Jana
ReplyDeleteThank you, Jana. It truly is good to know I'm not alone. :) Bless you.
DeleteI'm so proud of you, my friend. It is an amazing and powerful thing to watch a heart be transformed, and I do believe God is transforming yours. Remember, the enemy wants us to compete with our spouses, rather than be the helpmate that God wants us to be. You may add this book to your read list, www.amazon.com/Lies-Women-Believe-Truth-that/dp/0802472966 it helped me get a biblical perspective on many things. Have a blessed week!
ReplyDeleteJune, words simply can't come close to expressing what a blessing you have been to me. You are a gift sent by God in this beautiful online world. Thank you for all your encouragement and love. I truly hope one day we will meet in person. Love you.
DeleteDear Beth do not write better than you. We all write differently and I am so happy that we do and can enjoy each other's work.
ReplyDeleteYou are absolutely correct, Sandra, and I love the way you put that. I've been so blessed by the words all my fabulous online friends share. May I stop comparing and simply share in the joy of sharing God's Word. Blessings to you.
DeleteHi Dear! How completely honest you are here, I am always amazed by that. I think jealousy is as basic to being a person as breathing. I guess it's what we decide to do with those negative thoughts that's the real issue.
ReplyDeleteAnd you are trying to see how destructive they can be, and diving into Scripture to support your turn-around. How inspiring is that? I will add my own 'high five' to you on your victory over your finances. That's a big hurdle. Not easy in today's economy. So Yay!! We'll have to have a cup of coffee and enjoy that victory sometime :)
Hugs and blessings,
Ceil
Thank you, Ceil. And thank you for the virtual high-five. I would love to get together again soon to celebrate over coffee. Let's plan something before the summer gets away from us. Much love.
DeleteHeart transformations are a beautiful things to watch and your's is no different. I'm grateful for the opportunity to be apart of what you are doing here, on this blog, and to know intimately the sacrifice you and your family are enduring while your husband is deployed (we did 27 out of 48 months deployed, apart). Know your sisters are rallying behind you and that God is your biggest cheerleader!
ReplyDeleteThank you, sweet friend. I love having you here. I know we are able to encourage one another in a different way because we've walked this journey of being a military spouse together. I'm so grateful God brought us together in this online world. Thank you for your love and support. Much love to you. xoxo
DeleteThis is amazing! I love the Love Dare series and will be going back through each of your posts to catch up. So glad that I found your blog!
ReplyDeleteThank you, Jennifer. I'm so glad you found your way here too. Blessings to you.
Delete"I want a heart rooted in God’s love." Yes, I, as well, desire this. Far too easily, that God-made heart gets pulled off track and begins to grow into soil that will cause this plant not to grow in Christ. May we look to Him in all ways and especially at those times when we are being yanked the other way!
ReplyDeleteCaring through Christ, ~ linda
Oh yes, far too easily, friend. I join you in that prayer. May our eyes and heart be set on Him. Much love to you.
DeleteBeth, I am loving this series. It is spurring me on to good works. Thank you for being so transparent and real. Hugs
ReplyDeleteThank you, Lyli, for your encouraging words. You bless. Much love and (((hugs))).
DeleteI love your honesty, Beth! The things you shared and the feelings you've expressed are more common out there than you think. But, by putting them on the table so to speak, we are able to deal with them and find victory over them! What a joy! Thank you for leading us all through this extremely helpful series!!
ReplyDeleteBlessings & love, Joan
Praying for that victory, Joan! God is revealing much to me throughout this journey. I am so grateful. Thank you for your encouraging words and for staying with me through this. Love you.
DeleteBeth, I always appreciate your honesty. And yes, I so understand the compare/contrast game that also sucks me in when I compare myself to other women. Our enemy would like to have us envious - while our Savior wants us grateful for the particular niche He has placed us in.
ReplyDeleteOne other thought - when I think of the love it took for Him to die on the cross for me - it's overwhelming. I wonder, when He uttered "It is finished" - might He also have thought this: "You, Sharon (or Beth or anyone else), are the one thing missing for Me."
He is a jealous God in every best meaning of that word. I'm glad, aren't you?!
GOD BLESS!
I love your one other thought, Sharon. And the book actually touched on this. It can be hard to get all the thoughts I'd like to share within one post. But I'm so glad you shared this in your comment. Yes, I am so glad too. God bless. xoxo
DeleteBeth, I absolutely am so thankful that you are a real person. Thank you for that. I love how you ended this with accolades for the Hero. You're a heck of a Mrs. Hero! Love you. Heart Hugs, Shelly <3
ReplyDeleteThank you, sweet friend. You touch my heart continually. Love you so much.
DeleteLove your honesty. I think you have the same gift of winning over people :) It's probably just harder to see in yourself! I know so many people that love you instantly! I struggle with this, especially in writing. It's so hard. Thanks for encouraging us.
ReplyDeleteLisa, you are such a sweetheart. Thank you for your kind words. I'm blushing. :) I appreciate you and I am super excited about the next issue of Impact. {Hugs}
DeleteI have so missed you and your posts! I love these dare posts. In fact I bought the book. I so understand the jealousy part. Eric will call and talk about his amazing dinners and outings and I am like yea I made the kids mac and cheese and haven't taken a shower!! Love you and miss you.
ReplyDeleteI'm so delighted to hear you bought the book, Jenn. It's quite good!! :) Thank you for sharing. It's comforting to know I'm not alone. Love you. Miss you too. I'd love to plan to meet soon.
DeleteHey Beth ... It's amazing how our posted / emailed / online words can sometimes be hurtful and we don't even know it. We can't see the other person's eyes, can't read their body language, and what was intended comes across as completely different.
ReplyDeleteI've been on the giving and receiving end of these misunderstandings ... I hear your heart.
You make such a valid point, Linda. We are in the age of communicating with different forms of technology and it's so easy for our message to be taken in a way it was not intended. Knowing that does remind me to be sensitive to how or what I share, but have also been on the giving and receiving end. Thank you for sharing. Much love.
DeleteOh Beth- Wow, great post. I have just been thinking about jealousy among friends and our need to be mindful of it and also sensitive to each others' hurts and feelings. Thank you for letting us in, to learn from your marriage and to be better wives in the process. Keep on sister!:)
ReplyDeleteThank you, Katie, for sharing and for your encouragement. I appreciate you. Blessings.
DeleteLove the honesty you share here my friend! I would have to agree that some jealousy in a relationship is natural, normal and healthy. In fact, there would be something wrong if we didn't feel jealous of others talents, looks, accomplishments, etc. at one point or another. I think it can motivate us to a higher level of trying to achieve more and do better. However, what often happens is that a person who is more prone to being jealous has a difficult time knowing when the jealousy is normal and when it is excessive. That's when we need to remember that we are exactly who God wants us to be; there is only one of us! And we are loved just for who we are, the same as we should love everyone for just who they are! ♥
ReplyDeleteA wonderful share Beth; what an awesome journey of love you have taken us through!
God bless you sister!
Denise ♥
Good thoughts, Denise. IThank you for sharing. And yes, it needs to come down to always remember we are loved for who are. I so love that you added that we should love others for who they are too. Amen! Thank you for following along on this journey. Blessings. xoxo
DeleteThis Love Dare journey is one of my favorites, as I get to visit your blog weekly for the next dare. I'm loving this. Loving your transparency & knowing that I'm not alone-that is so valuable, friend! Right there along with you! Thank you so much for daring to take this journey & sharing it with all of us-it's a beautiful gift & so is your friendship! One month to go!! Hip Hip Horray! Love you! :) XOXO
ReplyDeleteYou make me smile, friend. THANK YOU. I'm super excited to come see you again. Love you. xoxo
DeleteThis is just beautiful, Beth. Thank you for sharing your heart so openly with us. I can think of numerous occasions where jealousy seeped in, both with my husband and other Christ followers, when I should have been rejoicing with them and encouraging. I'm so grateful God isn't finished with me yet. ;-)
ReplyDeleteI think your writing is great. Remember God made only one of you and the world needs to hear your story. You are the only one who can tell it. You are open to God's promptings and that is half the battle. I see in you a strong woman who wants to improve God's way. Yeah to that! Wonderful, tender writing on an emotion we all struggle with.
ReplyDeleteBeth, I just love your heart and your honesty. May many be blessed through your words and the way you live your life so that the light and love of Christ can shine through.
ReplyDelete