Three Word Wednesday: Love is unconditional

A month after my husband returns home from his deployment we will celebrate 24 years of marriage. Twenty-four years ago we said the traditional wedding vows to one another: “I promise to love you, comfort you, honor and keep you for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and health and forsaking all others, be faithful only to you so long as we both shall live.”

In Dare 10 of The Love Dare book the writers say, “The only way love can last a lifetime is if it’s unconditional.” The Bible refers to an unconditional love by using the Greek word agape.

“Agape love is ‘sickness and health’ love, ‘for richer or poorer’ love, ‘for better or worse’ love. It is the only kind of love that is lasting, unchanging, true love.” (pg. 47)

Agape love is God’s kind of love.

We did not know God on our wedding day or for the next 20 years of our marriage. I did not love my husband with an unconditional, agape love. Instead of an unchanging love no matter the circumstances, my love swayed based on how I felt. When hard times came our way my feelings toward my husband changed. Twice I told him I no longer loved him and left seeking better.

I've felt shame from the decision I made to leave my husband and the mistakes I made which led up to it. Leaving meant I had failed to honor the commitment to love him no matter the circumstances. Even though we were both guilty of providing reasons for the other to want out, I will only speak to the shame in my own heart for how deeply I hurt him.

But God (my favorite two words in the Bible) is a God who forgives all our sins.

“This is real love—not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as a sacrifice to take away our sins.” - 1 John 4:10

While I speak of God’s forgiveness, I found my way back into my husband’s arms before we accepted Christ as our Savior.  We were together again and attempting to get by on our own strength; a strength we did not have. Our love for one another still tossed back and forth from the storms that came our way.

How could we love one another with God’s kind of love if we hadn't placed our trust in Him? To love one another with an unconditional, agape love, God needs to be the foundation of our lives and not each other.

Thankfully, someone took the time to share the words said by the Apostle Paul in Romans 5:1-5 with me and led me to the hope found in Him. “And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love” (Romans 5:5). Those words began the journey of a relationship with Christ. It was a different person and words for my husband but by God’s grace the journey began for both of us.

Until we accepted His forgiveness, I do not think either of us realized how deep our need had become. Even more than forgiveness, we longed for an unconditional love . . . a love we were unable to give until we had received for ourselves. Unlike the expectation we placed on one another, we did not need to prove ourselves worthy of God’s love. “He doesn't love us because we are lovable, but because He is so loving.” (pg. 47)

God chooses to freely give His love to us. Love is a choice. And the choice begins by allowing God into our hearts so His love can grow in us. An unconditional love does not come from within. An unconditional love, an agape love, comes from God.

“Dear friends, let us continue to love one another, for love comes from God. Anyone who loves is a child of God and knows God. But anyone who does not love does not know God, for God is love.” - 1 John 4:7-8

I left my husband seeking love elsewhere when all along the love I wanted could only be found through faith and trust in the One who is love. Because of Him, I am free from the shame of past mistakes and have been made new.  I will therefore speak of His goodness and what He has done for me and my marriage all the days of my life with the hope of leading others to Him. For it has nothing to do with me and everything to do with Him.

I choose God.
I choose Love.

And I will pray for God to help me love my husband with an unconditional, agape love so my marriage is a reflection of His perfect love.

Dare #1: Love is patient

Dare #2: Love is kind

Dare #3: Love is not selfish

Dare #4: Love is thoughtful

Dare #5: Love is not rude

Dare #6: Love is not irritable

Dare #7: Love believes the best

Dare #8: Love is not jealous

Dare #9: Love makes good impressions

Dare #10: Love is unconditional

Next week: Love cherishes