He Loves Perfectly

Several posts ago, the one on twirling, I mentioned I had attended an IF:LOCAL gathering. Then I briefly told you of a long-time desire to gather women around my table. I told you I intended to stop talking and instead “trust God and move.” I also said if you did not see a post on this gathering by the end of March it meant I needed encouragement in the bravery department.

It is almost the end of March…

I gave deep thought to what to call this gathering of women (a catchy name is a must), and who to invite. A part of me loved the idea of posting an open invitation on Facebook to local friends. Typical to my nature, I questioned the idea. Various discussion ideas played out in my head. Mainly, I knew I had to trust God with the details by letting go of control and any expectations I had for this gathering.

Truth be told, I lost bravery quickly and did nothing.

Then a dear friend who had joined me at the IF:LOCAL sent me a text to tell me of the step of faith she had taken. In her text she included a copy of the invitation she would soon send to those invited to gather at her table.

My initial reaction: JEALOUSY!

My next reaction (because let us not park long on jealousy.): Be brave, Beth. If God has placed this desire on your heart He also asks you to step out in faith.

So I got brave and designed an invitation with the help of Paperless Post.

The catchy name was going to be "A Table of Hope Builders"

Then I lost bravery again when it came time to add the names of those on my heart to invite. The enemy gained a foothold on my thoughts.

What makes you think anyone wants to gather around your table?
No one will show up.
Don't press that send button, Beth. 

Enter, deep sigh.

I had not fully given up on the idea. I have been in God's Word long enough to know lies versus truth. And I so want to be finished with believing lies.

It sure felt like God was closing the door on this gathering though.

A whirlwind of changes began when my husband returned to the states much sooner than planned due to medical issues. Rightfully so, all other plans came to a halt. The gathering of women around my table would need to wait, or maybe my heart's desire (my prayer) was to go unanswered.

On the other hand, God often answers our prayers differently from what we specifically pray for, giving us the opportunity to see Him in a new way

 "God takes something little--a small request--and replaces it with a much bigger answer." ~ Kelly O'Dell Stanley, Praying Upside Down

This past Saturday, the Saturday I had intended to gather women around my table, without an official invite extended, two ladies at two different times joined me at my table. As I hugged and said good-bye to the second lady I had a moment of sudden realization. God had answered my prayer.

Maybe He did not answer with what we might call a much bigger answer, but the right answer. Because God’s ways are always right; they are abundantly above all that can we ask or think (Ephesians 3:20).

God answered another prayer too.

Since the day my husband departed for his second deployment I had asked God to make our time apart go quickly. Please God, make this time of separation not feel like forever for there are days when it feels like forever until I will see him again.

He replaced my small request with a much bigger answer. I may not fully understand why He answered this way but as I have said previously, the why does not matter. And God did not cause my husband's injury to bring him home sooner; He allowed and used a circumstance to accomplish what He had always intended… an earlier reunion for two people who obediently said yes to His calling (another deployment) but also longed to be together again.

As I navigate a season of change and uncertainty, God reminded me of a truth I desperately need to cling to: God can be trusted to love perfectly. “God's way is perfect. All the LORD's promises prove true” (Psalm 18:30).

So in the midst of this somewhat difficult season, I will praise Him. For when we belong to Him we will always find Him to be Faithful and True (BSF notes). He alone gives us joy today and forever.

It is well with my soul…

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What I Learned About Grace in May

Instead of my typical Friday Randomness post, I am joining Emily Freeman of Chatting at the Sky again for her end of the month post where she invites other writers to come along and share what they learned the past month.

I learned many wonderful things throughout the month of May, such as:

  1) I love to paint (with a glass of wine in hand, of course)
  2) Speaking in front of my church becomes easier with practice
  3) To-do lists work
  4) Hiring a lawn service was a very wise decision
  5) I am addicted PicMonkey (pay for the full version . . . it’s worth it)
  6) Meeting writing friends in real life will never get old (I met three in May)
  7) Rearranging furniture can really open up a room
  8) The Life Application Study Bible is a wonderful study tool
  9) Encouraging one another makes my heart sing
10) I am beyond ready for my husband to come home

But as I made my list, God spoke to me on the word “Grace.”

My last post from the love dare series spoke to how love is not irritable. Two reasons for being irritable are stress and selfishness. My eyes have been opened recently to the expectations I place on myself which lead to stress, which leads to being irritable. When I look at my expectations it has much to do with selfishness. The writers of The Love Dare book are rather wise I'm discovering.

Through my discoveries, God taught me a thing or two (or eight) in May on choosing to give myself grace.

1) Grace to know it’s okay if I do not meet my goal of reading through the Bible this year. He cares more about my desire to know Him better and spend time with Him. He loves how my mornings currently begin with the Seeds of Spring reading plan through YouVersion, time in a devotional, or searching out verses speaking to me through my love dare series to better understand God’s kind of love. My goal to read through the Bible is just that: my goal and not necessarily His.

2) Grace to know it’s okay if I do not write out His graces every day in my gratitude journal. It’s even okay if I go several weeks without writing them down. He knows my heart. He knows not a day goes by when I'm not grateful for who He is and for how He has transformed this heart of mine. Gratitude can be shown in many more ways than through a list.

3) Grace to know it’s okay if I am not a perfect wife, mom, daughter, sister or friend. Perfection will never be found this side of heaven. He cares about my willingness to allow His light to shine through the cracks as He refines me to become more and more like Him.

4) Grace to know it’s okay if I am sad over the decline in readers of my blog as long as I do let the numbers define my worth. My worth has already been found in Him. He cares about my willingness to obey the call to write and He will bless me for my yes. I need to trust Him with who does or does not read the words He places on my heart to share.

5) Grace to remember He never asked me to be superwoman. I cannot be all things to everyone. I need to first and foremost be His.

6) Grace to know He doesn’t call the equipped; he equips those He calls. He will give me everything I need to encourage a group of military wives these next six weeks through the (in)couragers community groups. While I do not experience all the same challenges as a spouse of a reservist, He cares most about my heart to encourage them.

7) Grace to remember “He is always good and I am always loved” (Ann Voskamp).

8) I choose to give myself grace because His grace is enough and in admitting my weaknesses, I affirm God's strength (2 Corinthians 12:9).

“For from His fullness we have all received, grace upon grace” ~ John 1:16

Wishing you grace upon grace.

A different kind of randomness

My head is filled with thoughts I want to share with you. They are random thoughts and a part of me wonders why I feel they are worthy of sharing. Do you ever wish you had someone who captured them for you as they came? They sound much better as they twirl around in my head. I hope my attempt to share them reveals my heart.

****

Easter Sunday “Resurrection Sunday” has come and gone. I find myself asking, Now what? How do I respond to His death and resurrection?

I walked into church on Easter Sunday with a heavy heart for I walked in without my husband beside me. My heart hurt as I watched church friends count out the number of seats needed to cover the family members joining them. 

I came to church alone. No family to join me. I cried silently in my seat.

Then a young man sat beside me. He asked my name. After telling him my name, with a big smile he replied, “Hey, our names rhyme. My name is Seth.” When it came time for official church greetings I turned towards Seth and he opened up his arms and gave me a hug. His hug touched my heart deeply. 

Earlier in the morning I received an email from a writing friend. At a church service she attended the night before they were singing “He overcomes” and she wrote to tell me, “Ánd the Lord brought you to mind as I was standing their singing – and I prayed for you, Beth, because you will overcome! Strongholds will be broken.”

I woke on Monday morning to an email from a writing friend who discovered we may only live a few towns apart. She asked, “Would you be interested in meeting sometime?” I responded with a resounding YES.

On Wednesday a new writing friend reached out to say, “I just wanted to take a minute to thank you for your continued encouragement through your comments on my blog!”

Then a friend nominated me for a blogging award and I won another friend's book giveaway. The book just happens to be titled Chasing God.

I see God’s hand so clearly in each act of kindness. He used friends to encourage my heart and reveal His love for me just when He knew I needed it most. It was Him saying, “Beth, I see you. I am with you. You are never alone.”

I opened up to the Book of Ephesians this morning. The book takes my breath away every time I read. His glorious grace and love for us is revealed so vividly throughout the pages. Do I walk in a manner worthy of such love? A love so graciously lavished upon me from Easter morning to right now. 

He placed on my heart recently to begin a new writing series. He tugged at my heart to put love in action. It’s been only a week since I made the commitment to love my husband with God’s kind of love. But when we choose to chase after God’s kind of love something powerful happens. I’m not sure how to explain it yet, but the problem with my heart . . . He’s transforming . . . He’s healing.

How do I respond to such grace?

I remember how I have doubted Him and believed the lies of the enemy instead: You are not pretty enough. You are not thin enough. You are not smart enough. You are unworthy. You are not enough. Those thoughts lead me to destructive behaviors.

Bob Goff shared shortly after Easter, “Every time we believe the lie that we're who we used to be, we roll the stone back into place like nothing happened.”

Do I really want to roll the stone back? Is this how I choose to respond to His grace?

What amazes me; He doesn't leave me in my moments of doubt. John the Baptist doubted. Read how Jesus responded in Matthew 11. Jesus didn't turn His back on him. Instead, He sends John’s disciples back to him with a message to answer his doubts and then says, “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest” (Matthew 11:28). 

If I believe Jesus is who He says He is, how do I respond? My only response should be to get on my hands and knees and say, I am yours. With all of my heart I am yours. Make me anew.

And He does make all things new.

So I join Paul in his prayer from Ephesians 3:16-19. I pray this prayer for you and for me. 

“I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge — that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.”

She belongs

She is chosen.

She is adopted.

She is redeemed.

She is forgiven.

She is marked with a seal.

She has a guaranteed inheritance.

She was previously dead in her transgressions and sins because she followed the desires of the flesh.

She was lost but now is found.

She is saved.

All because she believed.

The old is gone the new creation is here.

She has been made new by His blood poured out for her on the cross.

It had nothing to do with anything she had done.

What could she possibly do to earn such love and mercy?

"Because of His great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions--it is by grace you have been saved." ~ Eph. 2:4-5

She will not forget where she once was: without hope and without God.

She now has hope. She always has hope.

Where does her hope come from? 

Her hope comes from the Lord who she now has access to through his Holy Spirit.

For she now belongs.

(Eph. 1-2)

I'm joining Lisa-Jo Baker for Five Minute Friday. Lisa has created a wonderful community where many others come together and write for five minutes on a prompt she provides. It's a beautiful thing. Today's prompt is: She.

Mercy

Before heading to bed last night I signed in to Twitter for my usual #FMFParty lingering and I arrived just in time for Lisa-Jo Baker's tweet announcing the prompt word. Her tweet... "This week's five minute writing exercise with special guest @AliaJoyH is on MERCY bit.ly/14QaiTC #inmercy." One of these days I will stop lingering and actually join in for the #FMFParty.

I crawled in to bed feeling overly exhausted—mentally exhausted. The week seemed twice as long with my husband being gone.

As I laid there thinking about the word mercy I was convinced writing on this word would be too hard. I didn't know where I would begin. Maybe I would skip Five Minute Friday this week. I was too tired to even think about it. Before long I was sound asleep.

GO

It's a new morning and another morning with HelloMornings as we study Ephesians together. Friday is an application day. This week we've studied from Ephesians 2:1-10. For this particular book I've become quite attached to The Voice translation. I review my notes from the week and on one of the pages I wrote the word MERCY. It's underlined and underneath is the definition.

     Mercy: a blessing that is an act of divine favor or compassion

I don't remember where I pulled this quote from, I believe from Matthew Henry's Commentary, but after the definition I wrote, "God's eternal love or goodness towards His creatures is the fountain whence all mercies flow to us; and that love of God is great love, and that mercy is rich mercy."

This past week the verses that stood out to me in my study time were,

"But God, with the unfathomable richness of His love and mercy focused on us, united us with the Anointed One and infused our lifeless souls with life—even though we were buried under mountains of sin--and saved us by His grace." ~ Eph. 2:4-5 (The Voice)

It is the verse shortly after that spoke most to me. In Ephesians 2:7 Paul tells us why God focused His love and mercy on us.

"He did this for a reason: so that for all eternity we will stand as a living testimony to the incredible riches of His grace and kindness that He freely gives to us by uniting us with Jesus the Anointed." ~ Eph. 2:7 (The Voice)

The Glorious Grace study guide we are using for HelloMornings asks, "What is one thing you want to remember from this part of the letter?"

For me, it's never forgetting what God did for me. He took this "lifeless soul" of mine and gave me life. It's a life I never dreamed of having; a better life. He saved me by sending His son to the cross for me. The love and mercy He has shown me has me on my knees saying, "Thank you, God. I'm not worthy but thank you."

I want to be a testimony to His amazing grace and kindness. "Please God; help me to stand as your living testimony."

I pray those words and know the only way I will ever come close to showing this same grace and kindness to others is when I make the choice to follow His son. Jesus is my example. Jesus is our example. I will follow Him all the days of my life.

STOP

Good Morning, God!

Before coming here to write this post I said a quick prayer, "God, I've been without words these days but I would love to share with others how our morning time together this week has blessed me. Can you give me the words, even if only a few? If the words don't come that's okay. You showed me this week how three words can still bring glory to You. Thank you, Father. In Jesus' name I pray."

What would happen to this place I've created here if I had no words to share with you? At times the lack of words makes me sad. It leads me to question if He called me to write in the first place.

I've learned enough to know the answer is found when we seek Him.

But if from there you seek the Lord your God, you will find him if you seek him with all your heart and with all your soul. ~ Deuteronomy 4:29

I decided to accept a challenge—The HelloMornings Challenge.

My day now begins at 4:30 a.m. After showering and grabbing a much needed cup of coffee, I check-in on Twitter to tell my #HelloMorning and #HMCShine friends that I'm up and I then go meet God for at least 30-45 minutes.

For this HelloMornings series we are studying from the Book of Ephesians utilizing the Quench Bible Study, Glorious Grace, by Lara Williams and Katie Orr.

I've always been drawn to Paul, this follower of Jesus Christ. I remember when I first discovered Paul was previously known as Saul. As a relatively new Christian I'm always grateful for these new discoveries. Maybe I was drawn to Paul because the first book in the Bible I opened up as an adult and began to study was Philippians.

"And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus." ~ Philippians 4:19

I could try to share with you all I've learned about Paul through the first week of this study but the thoughts twirling around in my head are not translating to the written form. One thing God made overly clear to me this week was to trust Him and the plans He has for me.

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." ~ Jeremiah 29:11

He also reminded me how deep His love is for me. So instead of fighting a battle to find words, I will continue to seek Him.

"Life is all about the Lord God. His gift. His calling. His pursuit. His healing. His salvation. His redemption. His plan. His will. His grace. And in God's grace He blesses His children abundantly." ~ Glorious Grace

I'm choosing to drown myself in God's glorious grace and trust that He does have plans for me. I completely surrender to Him and with the few words He does give me; I will proclaim how He gives life.

And I will pray as Paul prayed,

"...that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord's holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God." ~ Ephesians 3:16-19