When I met my husband I would tell my parents we were “just friends.” In the technical sense we were “dating” but the relationship grew because of our friendship.
We were (and still are) completely opposite from one another. Extrovert vs. Introvert. Confident vs. Not-so-confident. Strong vs. Weak. The fact that he liked me back took me by surprise. His qualities were different from anyone else I had dated. His ability to make me laugh to the point of tears and his strength attracted me most.
I found him to be delightful.
The dating years included lots of storytelling, laughing over the TV show Magnum, P.I. till the early hours of the morning and driving around in his car. Looking back, I'm thankful we never got caught for the things done in that car. I digress... (Did I use that correctly?)
Life took a drastic turn when I could no longer stay awake past ten o'clock at night. It did not take long for us to realize parenthood sat on the horizon.
We put the cart before the horse as some would say.
When you're figuring how to be adults, parents and a spouse at the same time delightful thoughts can lose their place in your mind.
My husband began to lose his delightfulness. If you asked him I'm sure he would say the same.
“One of the most important things you should learn on your Love Dare journey is that you should not just follow your heart, you should lead it. Don’t let your feelings and emotions do the driving. You put them in the back seat and tell them where you’re going.” – The Love Dare (pg. 66)
Without God in my life I fell to the worldly standard of allowing feelings and emotions to drive my heart. Even with God I can still wrestle with the desire to feel love instead of deciding to choose love.
I have discovered the saying “distance makes the heart grow founder” to be an accurate one. After nine months apart from my husband I expect to have a newlywed kind of feeling toward him when he finally returns home. Following how my heart feels will likely come with ease.
What happens when the not so endearing quirks we both have rear their ugly head again? Like the quirks which have before led me to feel not so lovey-dovey about my husband.
Will I follow my heart or lead my heart?
“You get to choose what you treasure. So if you’re ungrateful and disapproving, it’s because you choose to be. If you pick at your mate more than you praise them, it’s because you've allowed selfishness in your heart to take over. You've led yourself into criticism.” (pg. 66)
And selfishness has once again made an appearance in this Love Dare journey. God, please rid my heart of selfishness.
The writers of The Love Dare share verses from Deuteronomy 7:7-8 I have not previously read. From The Message translation they read:
“God wasn't attracted to you and didn't choose you because you were big and important—the fact is, there was almost nothing to you. He did it out of sheer love, keeping the promise he made to your ancestors.”
I made a promise to love my husband twenty-four years ago. Quirks and all, I vowed to love him as long as we both shall live. I chose him because he makes me laugh. I chose him because of a strength he has which I admire. I chose him because he is my best friend.
Even if I’m not feeling love I will choose love. A “love that chooses to love is just as beautiful as love that feels like loving.” (pg. 66)
I realize my heart may be prone to wander off from time to time because of my sinful nature. But the Spirit who lives in me is greater (1 John 4:4). He will lead my heart back to love and to, once again, delight in the man I choose to spend the rest of my life with.
Dare #1: Love is patient
Dare #2: Love is kind
Dare #3: Love is not selfish
Dare #4: Love is thoughtful
Dare #5: Love is not rude
Dare #6: Love is not irritable
Dare #7: Love believes the best
Dare #8: Love is not jealous
Dare #9: Love makes good impressions
Dare #10: Love is unconditional
Dare #11: Love cherishes
Dare #12: Love lets the other win
Dare #13: Love fights fair
Dare #14: Love takes delight
Next week: Love is honorable
Love is a decision is the title of a great book and is also truth. Great post, Beth.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Elizabeth. I will need to check out the book you mentioned. Blessings.
DeleteAmen Beth; lead with your big beautiful heart sister. You have come a long way, and I am so excited for your hubby's return. You have both been on a long journey together, and have the whole rest of your lives to take delight in each other!! Blessings sweet friend!
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for your kind words of encouragement, Denise. I appreciate you. xoxo
DeleteI love that He gives us the privilege and power of choosing how to respond to what life hands us ... over and over again. Beautiful, Beth.
ReplyDeleteMe too, Linda. Much love. xoxo
DeleteYou are really inspiring me to do this Love Dare journey, Beth :). My marriage sounds similar to yours. We were best friends at first. That friendship has definitely helped our marriage survive in the rough patches. And one of the things I love most about my husband is how he makes me laugh. That is an awesome quality in a man. Thanks for sharing your journey with us!
ReplyDeleteFrom the time I've spent on your blog, Candace, it appears we have similar journeys. It would be wonderful to connect behind the blogs to share more. Thanks for following along and for sharing. Blessings. xoxo
DeleteI would love to connect, Beth. Feel free to contact me privately anytime. I agree we have walked similar paths. It's so nice to find a kindred spirit :). Blessings to you as well!
DeleteAre you counting the days yet? I continue to pray for you and your husband - his safe return and a joy-filled homecoming. Your love for each other shines through each of your posts (especially in the 'not so lovey-dovey' admission - I laughed out loud!). Thank you for sharing your journey. Hugs!
ReplyDeleteOh yes! The countdown is getting smaller and smaller, Janet. Thank you for your prayers and your kind words. xoxo
DeleteI can almost smell the flowers in that gorgeous photo. Love that Psalm, words to live by.
ReplyDeleteThe photo was actually taken by my daughter-in-law. She is rather talented! Blessings to you, Kim.
DeleteReally beautiful post, as always, Beth. So much lovely truth here. I was reminded of the verse:
ReplyDelete"The human heart is the most deceitful of all things,
and desperately wicked.
Who really knows how bad it is?" - Jeremiah 17:9
I always cringe when people talk about "following their heart". Choosing love, especially when our only power to do so is the Spirit within us, now THAT is a beautiful thing. And lasting.
Love you so.... Heart Hugs, Shelly <3
Amen! I adore you, Shelly. I really, really do. Hugs. <3
DeleteWe must lead our heart and our emotions. That hit me because as a woman-not that I'm using that as a crutch-but we tend to let emotions define us and refine us when we should be turning around and doing that with our emotions. I love the lessons within the Love Dare and I love the that you are sharing this journey you are on. Absolutely lovely! Happy Wednesday my friend!
ReplyDeleteThanks for coming along on the journey with me, Mary. I am grateful we have connected and really enjoying getting to know you better. Happy Thursday!! xoxo
DeleteThis is going to shock you {smile} but I just can't agree with this, A “love that chooses to love is just as beautiful as love that feels like loving.” I think it is more beautiful. I think that any time we choose love we are imitating Christ. That's beautiful. That's powerful. It's the most powerful thing in the universe. That strength you see and admire in your husband, you have it. Maybe not in the physical sense, but you're choosing love, Beth, and that is a very powerful, very beautiful thing. You inspire me. Blessings, my friend.
ReplyDeleteMore beautiful! Yes!! that is so true!
DeleteI must say I can't disagree with you after reading it again. Looking at it from The Love Dare book I can see that the time apart from my husband has me "feeling" such deep love for him because I miss him so much but may my choice to love him with God's kind of love no matter the circumstances reflect beauty beyond anything I could feel or imagine. <3
DeleteHi Beth! What a great post! I love the quote, "you should not just follow your heart, you should lead it." That is so wise. One thing that I've learned after 33 years is that when you choose to love, the "love feeling" follows! I have often thought that people sometimes get divorced because that initial smitten with love feeling fades as they get to know their spouse. They may think that they don't love anymore. But, that is not true if you make the choice to continue loving...even through the difficult times. I love my husband with a deeper, more meaningful love now than I ever could have when I first "fell in love" with him. It has come through all of the experiences that we have shared and how we have CHOSEN to love each other in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer, in good times and in bad, in joy and in sorrow! Love is a powerful thing!
ReplyDeleteBlessings, Joan
All good words you've shared there, Joan. Thank you so much for sharing. I've read this multiple times now because it's full of wisdom. Much love. xoxo
DeleteYou always remind my heart what it needs to hear. Hubs and I are full on in the parent/spouse tension experience with a tiny human constantly clamoring at our (ok, my) knees. It is a hard dynamic to work through and still find former things delightful-- but God is at work and it is great to be a part of that. Thanks for this, my darling Beth. Love you much.
ReplyDeleteI know those days of raising young ones can make it difficult at time to choose love. Praying for God's grace and love upon you and your family. Love you much too. xoxo
DeleteTo choose love is the essence of of what our marriage vows stand for. My husband and I are two completely different personalities and there were times it bothered me, till I learned a lesson only living a life together can teach. We have found over 20+ years of marriage that the moments when we choose love soon become the sweetest and best moments because they become sacred, special and uniquely our own, just as the Lord intended. Your words always bless me, Beth. Thanks!
ReplyDeleteBlessings~
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DeleteAs hard as this year has been to be apart from my husband I also have a feeling I will look back on it with such fond memories of how God used it to strengthen our marriage. Thank you so much for sharing, Dawn. Blessings to you.
DeleteYou are awesome, and this is officially the first time I've read the words Magnum PI in a post.
ReplyDeleteHaha. You always make me smile. :)
DeleteBeth,
ReplyDeleteMy hubby and I have been enjoying reading and doing the Love Dare devotional each morning. Love the thought that we need to lead our heart vs. follow it. Thanks for a thought provoking post today!
Love and ((hugs)),
Bev
I love that you are reading the devotional together, Bev. I hope to do the same when mine returns home. Much love to you and (((hugs))).
DeleteMarriage is hard! Not long after I felt lead to pray for marriages in general, my marriage was tested. Those moments of testing only makes it sweeter on the other side of the obstacle. Thank you for your transparency in how you have walked through some hard times in your marriage. This will encourage more than you realize.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
ReplyDelete"Without God in my life I fell to the worldly standard of allowing feelings and emotions to drive my heart. Even with God I can still wrestle with the desire to feel love instead of deciding to choose love." I can relate to this, as well. Thank you for letting me know that I am not alone. I love the idea of leading my heart rather than following it. Thanks for the post and the link-up.
ReplyDeleteYou are so not alone, Heather. Thank you for your kind words and for being a part of the link-up. Blessings.
DeleteI love the statement about following or leading your heart. Taking delight in those we love is important, particularly when we're tempted to focus on something about them that's not delightful. Love your post today!
ReplyDeleteThank you, Ginger. xoxo
DeleteChoosing to love is not always easy. My husband and I are struggling through some things now and let me tell you, it's hard. And I can't say I always choose to love him. But keeping Christ as my example, Him who first loved me, it gives me the strength to love.
ReplyDeleteThere are surely times Barbie when I don't lead my heart very well. Praying for you both. Love you so much. xoxo
DeleteWise words, my friend. Wise words! Thank you for them today. Choosing to love, no matter how we feel... that's unconditional love right there. The very kind that Jesus gives to us. So thankful for His and my husband's love today! Blessings!
ReplyDeleteMe too, Julie. Very thankful. xoxo
DeleteIt's always in the choice, isn't it? That's one of my life mottos.
ReplyDeleteChoose love.
I love this post. :)
~ Heather @40YearWanderer
A wonderful life motto, Heather. Love you. xoxo
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