There is always more

What if God has a different plan for me? What if writing is a stepping stone to something else? These are questions I cannot help but to ponder. Are the doubts from the enemy or is God leading me somewhere new?

When we say yes to Christ, He takes us on a journey. I love how our yes is only the beginning. No matter where we are in our walk with Christ there’s always more ahead of us.

He always has more to reveal; more about Him and more to the story He is weaving in our life.

On my desk at work sits a perpetual calendar.  It features inspiring quotes from the writers of the website (in)courage. Today is December 3rd and Bonnie Gray is featured with the words: “We may be uncertain about our next steps, but we can be certain of God.”

I don’t know what the next step is as the year draws to an end and a new one begins. But I know I can be certain of God.

A quote from the Storyline Conference I attended has stayed with me. I am not sure who said it or of the exact words but it went something along the lines of, “The thing you fear most is usually what God calls you to.”

God often calls us out of our comfort zone, doesn't He? Let's not forget we have a responsibility to obey the One we are submitting our life to.

I think God has a way of letting us know when we have done the very thing He wants us to do. It’s seen in our response because a deep longing he placed in our heart finally came to fruition.

Tomorrow night (Thursday) I will host a table for a Ladies Tea at my church. The past three years I have attended this same event and have always sat where it felt most comfortable . . . with one of my closest friends.

“You know, sometimes all you need is twenty seconds of insane courage. Just literally twenty seconds of just embarrassing bravery. And I promise you, something great will come of it.” ― Benjamin Mee, We Bought a Zoo

It’s true. All it took was twenty seconds of courage to walk up to the display board for the Ladies Tea to write my name on one of the tables as a host. I am pretty sure after writing my name down on that board I walked away with embarrassing happy dance moves and lots of giggles.

If He places the desire in your heart, He will bring it to pass. 

God does something to my heart every time I am more others-focused. He does something to my heart when I make the choice to embrace community . . . the very thing I fear most.

After googling words of encouragement for when you feel low, because I am feeling somewhat melancholy, I came upon a quote by Max Lucado. I shared the quote on my blog Facebook page shortly after almost making the decision to abandon the page. Facebook does not make it easy to manage a page unless you pay to promote what you share. If nobody sees me, what’s the point?  

"You are valuable because you exist. Not because of what you do or what you have done, but simply because you are." ~ Max Lucado

Did you need to read those words too?

Maybe I am bouncing around a bit here. As I type I am writing to encourage my own heart just as much as I write for yours.

Over the course of the morning I returned to the familiar place of not-enoughville. But I am high-tailing myself out of that place and running back to God.

A smile is returning to my face. I have a Ladies Tea to prepare for. I will have the privilege of celebrating the coming of Christ with a group of ladies tomorrow. And some of the ladies invited to join me at my table do not know Christ in the way He wants them to know Him. Will you pray for them, and for me?

I think God intends for writing to remain a part of my journey; at least for now. But I have this pleasant tingling sensation that He has much more in store for me in 2015. I think it may have a little something to do with that word which scares me ― Community. Present over perfect.

There is always more.

“God responds and reveals Himself to those who seek Him and there is always more for Him to reveal.” – Bible Study Fellowship

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I have wanted to do something to wrap up the 30 Days of Storyline Conference Inspirational Quotes that I shared with you on Facebook. If you missed the series, you can view the photo album here.

Donald Miller's book A Million Miles in a Thousand Years is a fabulous book and will give you a flavor of what he shares at his Storyline Conference.

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Three Word Wednesday: My Story Matters

Last week I shared how God planted a dream in my heart to tell my story and how the dream went beyond telling my story here. For me the dream is bigger than my dream to write a book.

I dream of standing before a group of women and telling them how a marriage can overcome lies, adultery, alcoholism, separations, depression, bulimia, emotional abuse and so much more.

When the dream first began God had only just begun moving into my heart. My marriage had overcome many obstacles but I believed it was by our own strength. If I would have told my story when I first had the dream my story would have been more about me and less about God.

My story has changed.

I’m trying to decide what details from those earlier chapters of my story are worthy of sharing. I type the word worthiness and begin to question the worthiness of telling my story period. Why does my story matter?

“You didn't make yourself in your mother’s womb, God did, and to say you aren't important is to say his creation lacks substance.” ~ Donald Miller, Storyline (pg. 24)

I keep waiting for my story to be tied up with a pretty bow. To stand and tell you about my days spent in a mental hospital because of an eating disorder, I must first have complete freedom from the disorder. I want to tell you my identity is completely wrapped up in God and all those insecurities that led to years of depression and an eating disorder no longer exist. My story needs to be perfect to be worthy of telling.

But we will never reach perfection in this lifetime. If we did, why would we need a savior?

"There will be no perfecting of ourselves this side of God's return so we might as well stop kicking ourselves around about our faults." (pg. 19)

So what makes my story worthy?

When I look back at the highlights of my story many of those highlights include heartache. I can now look back and see how God was always with me. He was silently moving into my heart.

I’m unable to tell you I've found complete freedom from my eating disorder. And, yes, I still have days when I place my identity in things other than Christ. But God (those two words are always followed by good news) is still with me and I know He has great plans for me.

“God created you and He created you with the power to bring light into darkness and order into chaos. You are necessary. And the sooner you believe that, the sooner you’ll bond with God in living a great story.” (pg. 23-24)

The story I want to tell you reflects all He’s done for me. It has many hallelujahs. God saved me. He saved my marriage and He saved my family.

If you asked my why I write I'd tell you every part of me wants others to know the God I now know. Can I be honest though? This writing is HARD. I'm struggling, like really struggling, to express my whole heart to you. Before God my world was filled with darkness. I was without hope.

But God (oh how I love those two words) pulled me out of that darkness. He gave me hope.

There is so much I'm leaving out. I don't know where to begin. Can you feel my heart though? I believe my story can save lives. Saying that to you has nothing to do with me and EVERYTHING to do with Him. I know without a doubt that everything I went through was Him preparing me to help Him bring light into darkness.

Satan intended to harm me, "but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives." ~ Genesis 50:20

I don't know when my dream to actually stand before a group of women will become a reality. In the meantime, my prayer is somehow my heart is reflected in the words I write and they lead you to pursue God with all your heart. Make Him the theme of your story.

Three Word Wednesday: Telling My Story

I'm joining my friend Kristin Taylor in a 10-week study of Donald Miller's book Storyline: Finding Your Subplot In God's Story.  I've only read the first few pages of the book but he won me over by the third paragraph with, "We believe your story was a blank page given to you by God and to write a great story on that page is a noble pursuit and a gift to the world."

Coincidentally, my most recent post for Circles of Faith encourages others to tell their story because when we do God is glorified. God reveals His love story for us through our stories.

In the introduction of Storyline Donald Miller writes, "...but what mattered, more than anything, was that I had been used by God for some small purpose." He suggests that we play a role in God's story. We have a subplot in His story — His epic story. The truth of the matter is our story isn't about us; it's about Him.

What part does God want us to play in His story? Okay, I have not read past the introduction so I won't get too far ahead of myself here.

My mind has been bouncing back and forth between what my subplot in God's story may be and my God-sized dreams. I see a connection between the two. Sometimes I think I have way too much time on my hands for thinking. I do my best to keep looking up so my thinking doesn't head south on me.

Over the weekend the BraveGirl Community shared a video by Tedx of Glennon Doyle Melton sharing her Lessons from the Mental Hospital.

In the seventeen minutes of the video Glennon, with great vulnerability I might add, tells her story. There were times in those seventeen minutes when I felt like she was telling my story. Bulimic. Mental Hospital. Capes. Pretend. Numb. Lie. These words all hit close to home — they are familiar.

Shortly after watching the video I came across a status update by the BraveGirl Community saying, "We want your brave story." Glennon's powerful testimony has me encouraged to tell my own story. I want to "make the unknown known."

As I consider telling my story my thoughts return to my God-sized dreams. I'm one who would have previously told you I don't have a God-sized dream. But lately God has had a thing or two to say about that. I recently shared a dream to write an e-book. The book would follow my hopes of joining The Nester this October in writing for 31 days on finding JOY in a deployment.

Another dream is to encourage military wives. I'm currently living out this dream for the next eight weeks by co-leading an (in)courage group for military wives.

Prior to these dreams, God placed a dream on my heart to tell my story. That dream led me to begin blogging. I've told bits and pieces of my story over the years. Some parts are easier to tell, some are harder and others I'm unable to tell. The dream goes beyond telling my story here. Maybe I will never be brave enough to tell my story like Glennon did. But God planted a dream way down deep in my heart to stand before others and pour out my heart. "I want to feel my feelings and share."

Why?

I'm reminded of something Deidra Riggs said at the Compel Conference: "We are here to reflect God glory here on earth."

How do we reflect God's glory? We share our stories.

I know my story, my subplot in God's story, is continually unfolding. However, I believe God wants me to tell the beginning chapters of my story. Those chapters reveal what only God has the power to do.

"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!" ~ 2 Corinthians 5:17