Every Writer's Dream :: The Book I Dream About

I do not mention it here often. Actually, I’m not sure if I have ever mentioned it here before. But a dream does dwell in my heart to write a book. Not shocking for someone who calls herself a writer, right?

There's a better chance you have heard me say I have no desire to write a book.

The process of writing a book does not appeal to me at all. It sounds more appealing to sit down with a "real" writer to tell them our story and have them write our book.

On occasion my husband will ask about "the book." However, when he brings up the topic he refers to it as my book and not our book. I give him the same response every time: It's our story; our book. He still says: "It's your book; our story."

Please do not misunderstand me. My husband supports telling our story. His point of view is simply that I am the writer, which makes it my book. My hope rests on his willingness to contribute his words too. In my opinion, the story would be incomplete without a contribution from him. The way he saw events matters to the whole of the story.

Only God knows if there will be a book. Maybe it's my desire and not His.

The topic of "the book" came up again last weekend. We were celebrating the New Year and our dating anniversary with an evening out on the town (downtown Chicago). For his Christmas present, I booked us a hotel room at the very place where he proposed to me. His proposal happened twenty-five years ago on December 16, 1989.

What a journey the twenty-five years have been. We have quite the story; a story I believe would make for a compelling book.

My husband asked me, as we waited to be seated at our table for dinner, if I had a title for my book.

Our book, my love.

There's no title. I am not even sure how one begins to write a book. It's only a dream.

He says to me, "You know writing a book means reliving those hard moments? Are you ready to go there? Do you remember everything? Do you remember . . .?"

He retells events he remembers while tears welled up in his eyes. There was forgiveness but the events have not been removed from his memory.

Our story includes two separations. Both separations were my decision. The first separation lasted a full year. We were separated the year of 1999. It's a year I would rather forget. The year holds lots of painful memories. Shameful memories. I was at my lowest.

A writing friend reminds us "when we let go of our yuck, God will replace it with a crown of beauty."

I reached over to my husband and placed my hand on his. My response to his tears was similar to my friends.

We have a But God story. Because of God, and with God, we overcame.  God used our mistakes to show us a new and better way. God gave us a new story. 

Julie Ackerman Link writes in January 6th of Our Daily Bread devotional, "Instead of magnifying every mistake, we can turn them into beautiful acts of forgiveness, healing, and redemption." She ends her post with these words: "Jesus longs to turn our mistakes into amazing examples of His grace."

And all God’s people said, Amen!

Our story, my love, is a But God story. He took our shattered pieces and made something beautiful instead.

“God has sent me to give them a beautiful crown in exchange for ashes, To anoint them with gladness instead of sorrow, to wrap them in victory, joy, and praise instead of depression and sadness.” Isaiah 61:3 (Voice)

Our book (if this dream comes to be) will share the mistakes made but it will not magnify them. It will be hard to look back on those mistakes. In the end, God’s beauty will be seen in both the sharing of our mistakes and in the redemption found through Him. Our But God story is one filled with "beautiful acts of forgiveness, healing and redemption" (Our Daily Bread). It's in our telling that others will discover His Kingdom is truly all about His grace and healing.

Maybe the title of our book should be: But God. They are my two favorite words in the Bible for they are always followed by good news.

Share |

Three Word Wednesday: My Story Matters

Last week I shared how God planted a dream in my heart to tell my story and how the dream went beyond telling my story here. For me the dream is bigger than my dream to write a book.

I dream of standing before a group of women and telling them how a marriage can overcome lies, adultery, alcoholism, separations, depression, bulimia, emotional abuse and so much more.

When the dream first began God had only just begun moving into my heart. My marriage had overcome many obstacles but I believed it was by our own strength. If I would have told my story when I first had the dream my story would have been more about me and less about God.

My story has changed.

I’m trying to decide what details from those earlier chapters of my story are worthy of sharing. I type the word worthiness and begin to question the worthiness of telling my story period. Why does my story matter?

“You didn't make yourself in your mother’s womb, God did, and to say you aren't important is to say his creation lacks substance.” ~ Donald Miller, Storyline (pg. 24)

I keep waiting for my story to be tied up with a pretty bow. To stand and tell you about my days spent in a mental hospital because of an eating disorder, I must first have complete freedom from the disorder. I want to tell you my identity is completely wrapped up in God and all those insecurities that led to years of depression and an eating disorder no longer exist. My story needs to be perfect to be worthy of telling.

But we will never reach perfection in this lifetime. If we did, why would we need a savior?

"There will be no perfecting of ourselves this side of God's return so we might as well stop kicking ourselves around about our faults." (pg. 19)

So what makes my story worthy?

When I look back at the highlights of my story many of those highlights include heartache. I can now look back and see how God was always with me. He was silently moving into my heart.

I’m unable to tell you I've found complete freedom from my eating disorder. And, yes, I still have days when I place my identity in things other than Christ. But God (those two words are always followed by good news) is still with me and I know He has great plans for me.

“God created you and He created you with the power to bring light into darkness and order into chaos. You are necessary. And the sooner you believe that, the sooner you’ll bond with God in living a great story.” (pg. 23-24)

The story I want to tell you reflects all He’s done for me. It has many hallelujahs. God saved me. He saved my marriage and He saved my family.

If you asked my why I write I'd tell you every part of me wants others to know the God I now know. Can I be honest though? This writing is HARD. I'm struggling, like really struggling, to express my whole heart to you. Before God my world was filled with darkness. I was without hope.

But God (oh how I love those two words) pulled me out of that darkness. He gave me hope.

There is so much I'm leaving out. I don't know where to begin. Can you feel my heart though? I believe my story can save lives. Saying that to you has nothing to do with me and EVERYTHING to do with Him. I know without a doubt that everything I went through was Him preparing me to help Him bring light into darkness.

Satan intended to harm me, "but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives." ~ Genesis 50:20

I don't know when my dream to actually stand before a group of women will become a reality. In the meantime, my prayer is somehow my heart is reflected in the words I write and they lead you to pursue God with all your heart. Make Him the theme of your story.

Three Word Wednesday: Telling My Story

I'm joining my friend Kristin Taylor in a 10-week study of Donald Miller's book Storyline: Finding Your Subplot In God's Story.  I've only read the first few pages of the book but he won me over by the third paragraph with, "We believe your story was a blank page given to you by God and to write a great story on that page is a noble pursuit and a gift to the world."

Coincidentally, my most recent post for Circles of Faith encourages others to tell their story because when we do God is glorified. God reveals His love story for us through our stories.

In the introduction of Storyline Donald Miller writes, "...but what mattered, more than anything, was that I had been used by God for some small purpose." He suggests that we play a role in God's story. We have a subplot in His story — His epic story. The truth of the matter is our story isn't about us; it's about Him.

What part does God want us to play in His story? Okay, I have not read past the introduction so I won't get too far ahead of myself here.

My mind has been bouncing back and forth between what my subplot in God's story may be and my God-sized dreams. I see a connection between the two. Sometimes I think I have way too much time on my hands for thinking. I do my best to keep looking up so my thinking doesn't head south on me.

Over the weekend the BraveGirl Community shared a video by Tedx of Glennon Doyle Melton sharing her Lessons from the Mental Hospital.

In the seventeen minutes of the video Glennon, with great vulnerability I might add, tells her story. There were times in those seventeen minutes when I felt like she was telling my story. Bulimic. Mental Hospital. Capes. Pretend. Numb. Lie. These words all hit close to home — they are familiar.

Shortly after watching the video I came across a status update by the BraveGirl Community saying, "We want your brave story." Glennon's powerful testimony has me encouraged to tell my own story. I want to "make the unknown known."

As I consider telling my story my thoughts return to my God-sized dreams. I'm one who would have previously told you I don't have a God-sized dream. But lately God has had a thing or two to say about that. I recently shared a dream to write an e-book. The book would follow my hopes of joining The Nester this October in writing for 31 days on finding JOY in a deployment.

Another dream is to encourage military wives. I'm currently living out this dream for the next eight weeks by co-leading an (in)courage group for military wives.

Prior to these dreams, God placed a dream on my heart to tell my story. That dream led me to begin blogging. I've told bits and pieces of my story over the years. Some parts are easier to tell, some are harder and others I'm unable to tell. The dream goes beyond telling my story here. Maybe I will never be brave enough to tell my story like Glennon did. But God planted a dream way down deep in my heart to stand before others and pour out my heart. "I want to feel my feelings and share."

Why?

I'm reminded of something Deidra Riggs said at the Compel Conference: "We are here to reflect God glory here on earth."

How do we reflect God's glory? We share our stories.

I know my story, my subplot in God's story, is continually unfolding. However, I believe God wants me to tell the beginning chapters of my story. Those chapters reveal what only God has the power to do.

"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!" ~ 2 Corinthians 5:17

Three Word Wednesday: Sweet B mug

My three words could easily be the same as last week for God has done so much more than I could have ever imagined and I am filled with JOY.

"The Lord has done great things for us, and we are filled with joy." ~ Psalm 126:3

My now IN REAL LIFE friend Lauren of It's a Wilderness Out There...And in Here Too gave me a Sweet B mug. I'm not sure if the mug is really called a Sweet B mug or if that is only what she calls it. Does it really matter though? She gave one to me and I'm in love with my new mug.

She was super sweet as she handed me my gift all wrapped up in red tissue paper and then explained why it had been chosen for me.

"The world would look at my collection and see it as incomplete, but I know it's not. It's more complete than it was before, because it's being shared a state away. My adorable mug resides in a cupboard far away, holding a reminder of the love of Christ that binds together sisters from two different mothers."

Lauren writes more about it here.

My Sweet B mug is just about the nicest gift I've ever received.

Lauren handed me the gift as our time together came to an end. We had spent the afternoon driving from South Sioux City to Omaha. She had driven from the real Sioux City (I'm still not getting the whole real Sioux City thing) to South Sioux City to pick me up from the Compel Conference. From there she drove me to Omaha where I would catch a flight home the following morning. Oh, and she still had to drive back home to the real Sioux City. Did I mention she had three of her adorable children along for the ride?

Don't bother looking up the route on MapQuest. Let me assure you it equates to many hours of driving. Who does that for someone they have never met? Well, my friend Lauren does!

She recently read the book Love Does by Bob Goff. I discovered, through my friend Lauren, love does wonderful things like picking up an online friend you have not previously met to drive her to Omaha and then giving her one of your Sweet B mugs. Wow! Do I come even close to loving like that?

I can't lie; my time with Lauren was the highlight of my time in Nebraska (and a small portion of Iowa). She is rather remarkable and I can't wait for the day when I see her again.

The day and a half spent at Compel was also a delight. The lovely Deidra Riggs captured my heart as she spoke to a room full of women on daring to dream with words like,

"God empowers us to speak life and light into the chaos. That's what your dream is about."

"You are the only person that God sent to this world to live your life."

"It's not your dream; it's God's dream for your life."

God also spoke through six beautiful ladies on a Friday night as we gathered in a hotel room. Deidra tells of the evening far better than I ever could in her post God speaks Through The Real People In Your Life. My favorite moment at Compel was on that Friday night. There was also a late night trip to Walmart with two crazy sisters (they aren't really crazy) who had me giggling over their sisterly love.

And I once again come to this place of how there is truly so much more to this writing and sharing of my heart. The best way to share my JOY — keep counting my blessings:

#50 ~ Two amazing sisters (those two crazy sisters) who picked me up from the airport to bring me with them to Compel even though we've never met; a wonderful drive getting to know my two new friends.

#51 ~ Daring to dream... such inspiring words from the lovely Deidra Riggs.

#52 ~ God speaking through each women who gathered in a hotel room on a Friday night.

#53 ~ Even more inspiration on daring to dream.

#54 ~ Hugging IN REAL LIFE friends one last time before saying good-bye.

#55 ~ A special friend who spends hours in her car just to be with me because that is what love does.

#56 ~ My Sweet B mug from that special friend...she said giving to me makes her set more complete.

#57 ~ The sweet sound of my husband's voice; the best way to end my night.

#58 ~ An enjoyable fight home with the kind man who sat next to me as we shared our Christian faith.

#59 ~ The comfort and warmth of being in your own bed again.

"Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart." 
~ Psalm 37:4

(in)courage: Daring to Dream

When I tell someone my husband is deployed I'm typically asked how many tours he has done. Because of our age, many assume we have been a military family for years and this couldn't possibly be his first tour. This tour is indeed his first.

Wait, I wanted to start from the beginning.

After far too many arguments to count, because the thought of my son joining the military scared me to death, I finally gave in and accepted my oldest son's decision to enlist in the Navy.

Can you imagine my surprise when shortly after my husband informed me he wanted to enlist in the Army Reserves? "You are 41. Is that even possible?" I actually surprising said, "Wow, that is way cool." The military had somehow won me over.

In February 2011 my husband became a soldier and in March of the same year my son became a sailor. I could not be prouder of these two men in my life.

I'm not sure why God used the military to draw us closer to Him, but He did. All I know is the decision made by my son and husband led to a transformation for our family that only God can accomplish. You can read our story over at Circles of Faith.

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." ~ Jeremiah 29:11

It did not take long for God to plant a desire in my heart to encourage military spouses.

As a wife to an Army Reserve husband my experiences are rather limited. We do not live on a military base, there are no PCS moves for us and until now we had not been through a deployment. For the most part, daily life remained the same for us after my husband enlisted. "Why me God? How could I encourage military spouses?"

I quickly became enthralled by all things related to supporting our military and their families. My hand raised without hesitation to be the Family Readiness Group Leader for my husband's unit. And I kept raising my hand. I was suddenly greeting service members at the USO, packing comfort care packages to send overseas, writing letters and before long co-leading a military support ministry with my husband.

I wanted military families to know I understood the sacrifice made by the service member and also by the spouse. What I realize now, until the day my husband walked out the door for his first deployment I did not fully understand.

Now surviving a deployment has become my reality and the dream God planted has taken on wings. God has given me the word JOY as my one word for 2014. In a year without my husband, I'm seeking JOY and I find myself praying the same for other military spouses. God is not limited by where we are in the season of our life. JOY can be found even in a season of a deployment.

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." ~ James 1:2-4 (NIV)

There are plenty of reasons to say military life stinks. Especially when going through a deployment. I know how deeply your heart can ache. In the skip of a beat you can go from being on cloud nine and then to your knees in uncontrollable sobs because your cloud nine cannot be shared easily with the one you love. Oh, how this just happened to me.

But blessings can be found. God is ready to overwhelm us with blessings.

"God is ready to overwhelm you with more blessings than you could ever imagine so that you’ll always be taken care of in every way and you’ll have more than enough to share." ~ 2 Corinthians 9:8 (Voice)

This past weekend a writing friend spoke on daring to dream. She reminded a room full of women how God will use whatever we are doing right now for a purpose. We simply need to trust Him and go through the doors He opens.

God has opened a door for me to encourage military spouses through (in)courage.

For the next eight weeks I will join another military spouse, Anna Pasquale, in co-leading a Facebook page for the women of (in)courage whose husbands serve in the Armed Forces: Army, Navy, Air Force, Marines, Coast Guard, Active Duty, Reserve, or National Guard.

Are you a military spouse? If so, we would love for you to join us. Find out more here and then register for the (in)courage military wives page here.

This is a place where you will find encouragement and understanding from those of us who are traveling the same unique journey beside our own husbands. In our session we’ll dive into scripture, share practical tips for surviving military life, and love on one another when the trials of the day are overwhelming.

If you are not a military spouse, maybe you know one and will want to pass this information along. Pretty please.

Maybe you are another God-sized dreamer. He has placed a dream in all of our hearts. What dream has He placed on yours?