{An} Old Oak Table

My husband and I recently completed a nine week Financial Peace University (FPU) course with Dave Ramsey. It's a course our church provides a few times a year. If you have never heard of FPU, I highly suggest you check it out. It will change you. And when you go through it with your spouse, it will have a positive impact on your marriage.

It's powerful stuff. It’s so powerful we have shipped off copies of the CDs to our eldest son to encourage him to go through the course. Afterward, our younger son will receive the same encouragement.

Mostly, I hope our children see a change in how their parents handle money. I pray we also reflect the truth to them: everything we have comes from and belongs to God. He has simply entrusted us to be wise with what He gives and to treat it with open hands. In other words, become like Him and be givers.

Dave Ramsey began and ended the nine-week course with reference to an old oak table. You see, it was around his old oak table where he and his wife declared bankruptcy. Around that same oak table they made the choice to be obedient to God’s instructions by following biblical principles on how to handle money. God actually has quite a bit to say on the topic.

I left the last week of our nine-week course reflecting on the old oak table which sits in our home and serves as our dining room table. The table has been in our home for at least 15 years. And life has surely happened around our old oak table.

The table is battered and worn out. Several years ago hubs started to strip the stain off to prepare it to be re-stained or painted. For the most part, it sits there as bare oak waiting on us to decide. At times, mainly when we entertain, I throw a white table cloth over it for a prettier look.

Like Dave Ramsey, there are good and not-so-good memories which surround our table. Of course many meals were served and eaten around our table but there’s so much more to this table…

Toddlers became middle-schoolers.

Boys became young men.

Homework was fought over.

Art was birthed.

Fights were fought.

Fists were pounded.

Hard decisions were made.

Hearts broke there.

Tears fell.

Forgiveness was given.

Smiles formed there.

God was found.

The Bible was opened and read.

Prayers were lifted.

Grace was said.

“See you later” and “welcome home” moments were spoken and lived.

Love letters were written and mailed.

Care packages were assembled and shipped.

Friendships blossomed.

A marriage proposal prepared for and extended there.

The growth of a family was witnessed.

Losses mourned.

The gifts of redemption and transformation were received.

God’s miracles are still seen daily.

The above memories only scratch the surface of the life lived around our old oak table. Nonetheless, the process of writing down the memories makes me wonder how I could have ever considered saying good-bye to our table. Yes, maybe it's just a table. The memories would not disappear with the table. But I have suddenly grown founder of our table.

I find myself sitting at the table on one of the four chairs slowly falling apart, one being held together with a yellow bow, humming the lyrics to a song by Colton Dixon:

There are days I've taken more than I can give
And there are choices that I made
That I wouldn't make again
I've had my share of laughter
Of tears and troubled times
This is has been the story of my life

I have won
and I have lost
I got it right sometimes
But sometimes I did not
Life's been a journey
I've seen joy, I've seen regret
Oh and You have been my God
Through all of it

Watch video here: “Through All Of It”

Through every event which transpired around our old oak table God has been our God through all of it. Maybe we didn't always see Him. Maybe we went most of those years denying Him. Yet, He was always there knocking, waiting for us to open our hearts to His everlasting love.

Hard stuff didn't stop being lived around our table once we did let Him in for we live in a fallen world. But God continues to be our God through all of it. Instead of waiting on us to respond to His knock, His Holy Spirit now dwells within us.

I think we shall keep our old oak table. Whenever we gather around our table I think we shall take a moment to thank God for being our God.

“You are my God, and I will praise you;
you are my God, and I will exalt you.”
Psalm 118:28

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Three Word Wednesday: A New Home {Giveaway}

Can you believe it has been almost two years since Three Word Wednesday came to be? Do you remember how it started?

I set out to create a theme for connecting each day of the week on my blog Facebook page. When I could not come up with a theme for Wednesday’s a navy mom friend suggested Three Word Wednesday. I decided to take her suggestion. Every Wednesday I would share a status update with three words on my heart. Then you would join in by sharing three words on your heart. That was all. Easy-peasy.

Sometime after, a few writing friends suggested I start a Three Word Wednesday link-up on my blog. The first link-up went live in August 2013. Oh, what joy the community has brought to my life.

God used the link-up as one way to encourage my heart during my husband’s deployment. Gratitude fills my heart when I think of those of you who have been a part of the community – a part of THIS community.

It's time for Three Word Wednesday to have a new home though, and a fabulous new button.

Don't fret. Three Word Wednesday has a lovely new home. Kristin, a dear friend and one of the writing friends who suggested I start the link-up, is excited to welcome you. Kristin introduced herself here last week and she will kick things off at her newly designed home next week.

Why the change? Day 9 of my #write31days series actually touched on this some. I'm also going to share a few words from others as they too explain my why.

“Forced art isn't art at all.” ~ You Don’t Need My Obligation, The Nester

 “I want to make certain I’m not producing heaps of disposable content. I want to leave space for the real stuff, the type of writing which takes longer to cook. I don’t want to push myself before it’s ready, and I certainly don’t want a crispy outside and a soggy middle.” ~ Don’t Microwave Egg Rolls: Good Things Take Time, Amy Sullivan

“In a world of social media and faux connections, we must be intentional about building authentic relationships. This means making time – quality time – for our family and friends.” ~ The Four Disciplines of the Heart, Michael Hyatt

“We won't be remembered for how fast we ran, but for how deep we went.” ~ Bob Goff

“Live vibrant, rich and connected lives.” ~ Shauna Niequist

I do not want my writing to ever feel forced and I want need deeper connections.

Newsflash . . . I have a fear of connecting with others. It stems from two words I am parting ways with: unworthy and not-enough. But many times the thing we fear most is where God calls us to. (Thank you, Storyline Conference for the words of wisdom.)

So I am letting go of any preconceived notion that I need to be perfect first for you to like me. Instead, I am taking steps outside of my comfort zone to make time for deeper connections. This includes friends from this crazy, yet beautiful, social media world. My heart’s desire is to connect with you beyond our blogs. I want to chat on the phone with you. I want to see your lovely faces (we can give Google Hangout or Skype a try). I really want you to come to Chicago but I might have more luck tempting you after the winter months.

At the same time, I am making more time for in real life connections. Hubs and I have plans. We have plans to show up more, to speak words of encouragement more and to create beautiful things together. In the words of Glennon Melton, “we are invited to show up, speak out and create because we are children of God.”

If you followed along for my #write31days series you will understand when I say this decision all relates to God becoming greater in my life and in the life of my marriage. And God has been pretty clear lately on where my priorities need to be.

I’m not going away. God still calls me to create and connect here too. It will just need to wait for when He is ready for me to create and share something.

You will find me hanging out every day here, here and here. If you do not use social media, email me at simplybeth3(at)gmail(dot)com. I considered the Bob Goff approach of giving you my cell phone number at the end of this post but . . . yeah not quite ready for that.

I know you are going to love Kristin. Please, don’t miss out on the chance to get to know her. Join her next Wednesday as she hosts her first link-up. First, I am hoping you will gather one last time with me here.

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An Introduction :: Kristin Hill Taylor

I am excited to share my friend Kristin with you today. Please give her a warm welcome. When Three Word Wednesday returns NEXT WEEK (11/5) you will find out why I have made this introduction. It's an introduction which leads to an exciting announcement.

Here's Kristin . . .

****

If we were meeting in person, we’d probably exchange names and then dive into details that identify our roles in life.

So, hi. I’m Kristin Taylor.

I’m married to the guy who came along when I was uninterested in dating anyone in the second semester of my freshman year of college. We've been married for a dozen years and have two kids – Cate is 7 and Ben is 4. Yes, the look like us and act like us, but we adopted them both as newborns after a hard season of infertility. We’re a family of four extroverts, although I’m most likely to show signs of introverted tendencies.

My husband, Greg, is an attorney here in Murray, Kentucky – it’s a small town I never wanted to call home but now I can’t imagine living anywhere else. I used to be a newspaper reporter. But now I stay home with our kids. And manage a lake house. And blog. And do other various projects involving writing, promoting, organizing, and volunteering.

Oh, and I recently self-published an ebook that tells my favorite story. It’s called “Peace in the Process: How Adoption Built My Faith and My Family.” The whole process has been therapeutic. Writing this part of our story from beginning to end reminded me of God’s faithfulness. Editing, formatting, and promoting it has shined a lovely bright light on the community God has given me – both in my everyday life and around this big ‘ole internet.

One of my favorite parts of the internet is connecting with people. And one of my favorite people I met online is Beth. Y’all hang out here already, so you know she’s welcoming and encouraging. She hosts this weekly link up and has poured her heart into building an authentic community. Turns out, she’s like that in real life too.

I know because we hung out when my family took a train trip to Chicago in May. We walked and talked around Navy Pier – and atop the ferris wheel there. We gathered around a restaurant table and shared more stories.

She’s the kind of friend I wished lived closer because I’d like to gather around another table with her. Until that happens, I’m thankful for Facebook and text messaging and email – and the way those technologies that can distract us can also connect us in real, meaningful ways.

I’m glad to be here today, meeting you. So, your turn. Tell me whatever it is you’d tell me if we were sitting down for lunch together for the first time.

Kristin Hill Taylor believes in seeking God as the author of every story. God continues to surprise her – in the best kind of way – with how her life is nothing like she expected. She never leaves home without her iPhone, which reminds her where she’s supposed to be going, holds many notes to herself, and helps her document life. She’s passionate about word games, spelling people’s names correctly, Murray State basketball, and road trips.

Connect with Kristin on her blog, Twitter, Facebook or Instagram.

Three Word Wednesday: Give Me Jesus

This is a hard post to write because our Three Word Wednesday community has become very near and dear to my heart.

I am not putting an end to the link-up but let's call it a "see-you-later" moment.

God spoke to me rather clearly on Monday evening while I sat with 200 other women at my first Bible Study Fellowship (BSF) class. That evening God had me right where I needed to be. BSF is the next right choice for me.

Since my time at the Declare Conference there have been three words on my heart: Give Me Jesus.

A dear friend of mine, a woman I consider to be my faith mentor, is leading the upcoming session of BSF. She has encouraged me several times to be a part of the study. I almost said to her for the third time, "I do not have the available time to make such a commitment." 

A needed heart check revealed my priorities were out of order. My hesitation to say "yes" to a Monday night Bible study was because of how it would interfere with having my Three Word Wednesday post ready by 12:00 AM every Wednesday.

You see, writing does not come with ease for me. A post can take days for me to complete. But if I am placing writing before time with God how can I claim my words are God inspired?

I have shared with you an uncertainty of what lies ahead for my blog and writing journey. Surprisingly, I find myself okay with this. The way my heart danced with excitement from the message given by my friend on Monday evening at BSF spoke volumes to me. I woke up on Tuesday morning with a renewed passion for diving into God's word.

Give Me Jesus. He's standing at the door waiting for me. I am opening the door. THIS is right where God wants me.

And also being fully present once my husband returns home. ☺

Guess what? He is back on U.S. soil. Every time I say those words tears begin to fall. The call from him to tell me he was one step closer to home had me bawling my eyes out. They were such happy tears, friends.

I could give you a pretty photo or a few words to link up to on Wednesday's for now. Or I could give God the best yes I have ever given Him.

Yes to surrendering my blog to Him for more of Him. "He must become greater and I must become less" (John 3:30). Which is ultimately saying yes to trusting God.

My heart believes this is not the end of my writing journey but that the best is yet to come.

The words said by Paul in Romans 8:28 were shared multiple times at BSF on Monday night: "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."

When we face the unknown we can remember His promises. So I am trusting Him and waiting to see what He will do. I know it will be a glorious unfolding because our God does only good things.

For now we say "see-you-later" to Three Word Wednesday. If it does not return here by Wednesday, November 5th, I do have alternate plans in the works to make sure it continues with the same love I hope you have always seen given by me.

But would you link-up one more time before we temporarily part ways? Your extra love and attention to visiting others would also be greatly appreciated as I need to go prepare to welcome home my husband.

My heart rejoices . . . for He is good always!

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Three Word Wednesday: A Thanks-GIVING Homecoming {Guest Post}

I am delighted to have my milspouse friend, Lori Dunham, share with you today. As I prepare for my husband's return home her message brings needed encouragement. But even if you are non-military, you will find encouragement in her words.

Thank you, friends, for giving Lori a warm welcome.

My heart pounds hard inside my chest as I sit in traffic. My fingers tap frantically against the steering wheel as Blue’s Clues entertains my children in the back seat.

Tears spring to my eyes as I anticipate my hard work unraveling. Because I have prepared hard and well for this day. I have spent countless hours cleaning and reorganizing every drawer and shelf in my house. I have redecorated the living room, and replaced the worn out towels and sheets with plush, high-thread count luxuries. I have washed and serviced my husband’s car and prepared his most favorite foods.

In the last seven months I have potty trained a toddler and gotten a baby to sleep through the night; I have house trained a puppy and fixed the garbage disposal, all on my own.

But I forgot about Norfolk traffic and it threatens to destroy what I had hoped would be the best Homecoming any military family could ever experience.

Finally, the traffic opens up and I rush through the gate. I grab the baby out of her car seat and enlist my son to open the stroller. My toddler grabs the hem of my coat as we race towards the crowd to find a spot in front of the row of bikers holding American flags.

I am hot and sweaty, my hair is a mess, and my baby needs a diaper change. And I come undone!!! Like a teakettle ready to boil over, the stress of the last seven months seeps out in the form of tears.

I cry as I watch the new dad’s get off first, grasping hold of their babies for the first time.

I cry as Sailors pour off the ship in search of their loved ones, and once finding them, hugging long and hard.

And it feels like forever, to spot him. He looks thinner than I remember and sharp in his crisp uniform. He grabs us all up in one big hug and I am overcome with the sameness and differences in him all at once.

I cry in to his shoulder, leaving mascara marks on his uniform that will take numerous dry cleaning trips to remove. I cry for all the moments over the last seven months that I wanted to cry on his shoulder but couldn't.

I cry happy tears for his safe return home; I cry sad tears for key moments he missed; and I cry tears of relief, knowing I no longer have to do it all alone.

And so begins our not-so-perfect homecoming!!!

We military families dream big when it comes to welcoming our Service Member home. We spend months counting down and dreaming about this day. So it is with great expectation and high hopes that we welcome them home!

But it is not always as we expected. 

It seems the military is very concerned with preparing the family for the deployment, but there are not many resources for guiding us through the re-integration process. Sure, we are aware of the signs of PTSD and depression, but how do we work through our child’s anger issues directed toward the returning parent?  How do we readjust to sharing life (and the remote control) with our partner?  

Stress fills our home before we get his sea bag unpacked.

It is in stress moments like these, whether military or non-military, that defines us as a family and as followers of Christ.  

Do we allow ourselves to be swept up in the disappointment when he doesn't notice the changes to the house, or the fact that we cut our hair? Or do we look to the bigger picture and focus on the important things? Because, let’s face it. He really doesn't care about the curtains and the fact that his car is sparkling in the driveway. (although they are nice gestures). He cares most about YOU!!!

There is a danger in focusing heavily on preparing our homes, if we neglect our hearts in the process. If we are lulled in to a belief that all that is wrong with our world will dissipate with the arrival of our spouse….we will be very disappointed. If we allow ourselves to believe that there will be no growing pains as he re-enters our daily life, often throwing off our rhythm and routine, frustration will fill our homes.

Instead, it is through giving thanks that we can genuinely experience a refreshing reunion.  

Set out to intentionally make your homecoming one of great thanks!!! Thank the Lord as a family for your spouse’s safe return; thank Him for the extra laundry your husband brings home, and that towel thrown haphazardly on the bathroom floor. Thank Him for the time apart to genuinely appreciate the man you have married; thank Him for anything you can think to thank Him for. Because this will set your focus on the truly important things in this life (and homecoming)!!!! 

Ephesians 5:20 “always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.

1 Chronicles 16:34 “Oh give thanks to the LORD; for he is good; for his loving kindness endures forever.”

*** Lori Dunham ***

Lori Dunham is the wife of a Navy Chaplain, a mother to three energetic children, and one very lazy bassett hound. Lori’s writing is inspired by her deep desire to encourage others in their faith, and to share God’s story in her life.  Her family’s ministry has taken them to the hills of Thailand, the shores of Italy, and the streets of Singapore. She shares of her struggle with secondary infertility, their great joy through adoption, and the up’s and down’s of military life at her blog, www.standingwiththemilitaryfamily.com.

Three Word Wednesday: The Final Countdown

As the days, hours, minutes and seconds seconds tick away until my husband's return home, quite honestly I am a scatterbrain. And I have no desire to write. I want to dream. I want to endlessly dream of being in the arms of my husband again.

I have every intention of completing the Love Dare Challenge . . . I think. Maybe the challenge would serve as an effective tool to use through the reintegration process. Maybe it could be my 31 Days Series for October with the Nesting Place. Then again, October may not be the best time for me to plan on writing for 31 days straight. Maybe the series could be done in November instead. Maybe I should take a few months off from writing/blogging to focus on my husband.

There are all sorts of maybes.

The next couple weeks months may look different here. I am grateful for two lovely friends who will be here next week to share with you while I am in Hawaii. Beyond that I am praying for God's wisdom on how best to proceed. "I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you with my eye upon you." Psalm 32:8 (ESV)

So far we have set five goals:

Goal #1: more time in His word (I really need this.)

Goal #2: enjoy Hawaii ☺

Goal #3: focus on the success of the meetings and events I am responsible for while in Hawaii (I am going there to work.)

Goal #4: prepare for my husband's return home

Goal #5: shower my husband with love once he is home

That's all for now.

Notice none of those goals include writing. Maybe I am okay with that. I'm not sure yet. But my lack of a desire to write has me wondering what that means.

Instead of wondering about writing I think I shall stick to dreaming about being in my husband's arms.

I hope you stick with me through this . . . whatever "this" happens to be. If I lose you that will need to be okay. But I will hope I don't. No matter what, THANK YOU for doing this deployment journey with me. You are blessing from God.

Three Word Wednesday: Why the Military?

Image by Cindee Snider Re of Breathe Deeply

I walked out on him one evening when we were out for dinner with my sister and her husband. Once again he changed the topic of discussion to his desire for our eldest son to enlist in the Navy. Once again I adamantly said we would not have this discussion.

“Our son will not enlist in the military.”

With that I stormed out of the restaurant. My sister and her husband followed my lead.

Walking out of that restaurant and walking out on my husband happened over five years ago.

Fast-forward five years to the present time. In less than 30 days my husband will return home from his first deployment as a solider with the U.S. Army Reserves. He has been away from home since November of last year. Three weeks ago I had a “see–you–later” moment with our eldest son . . . our sailor. His deployment has just begun.

I’m guest posting at the lovely Jen Ferguson's of Soli Deo Gloria Sisterhood today. I’d love you to join me over there for the rest of this story!

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Three Word Wednesday: Love fights fair

I impatiently sit in a small room trying to keep Drake calm while we wait for a specialty veterinarian to see us. Two couples essentially confirmed his diagnosis the moment we walked into the office.

“A torn ACL?” I half smile back at them hoping they are wrong.

Drake, our 60 lbs. Boxer mix, has a limp leg.  Our normal veterinarian forewarned me what came with news of an ACL tear. I pray for different news.

A female veterinarian who specializes in surgery enters the room. At this point I am sitting on the floor with Drake. We have not stopped shaking since we left home. We make quite the pair.

I do not necessarily fear confirmation of his injury. I fear the cost to return him to his able-bodied self.

My husband waits on the other end of the world for news as well.

“He has what we call an Anterior Cruciate Ligament (ACL) tear,” the doctor says.

I am doing my best to listen and understand as she tells me the options for treatment. Would you just get to the part of telling me what you recommend and the cost?

My heart beats faster as the number rolls off her tongue. Her number doubles that of the number our normal veterinarian forewarned me of before coming here.

I contemplate the conversation I had with my husband yesterday in anticipation of the decision I knew we would face. My interpretation of the conversation has us on the same page. After a text to him, which included revealing a large four digit number, it became clear we were not.

“A great marriage on Monday can start driving off the cliff on Tuesday, if unbridled conflict takes over and neither of you has your foot on the brakes.” – The Love Dare (pg. 62)

The shaking of my body has returned with new intensity. In a single moment I feel like my husband has become my enemy and we've entered the battle zone. Jesus says “love your enemies” in Matthew 5:44. My husband's words are cruel. But he’s not my enemy . . . he’s my husband. I understand where the anger stems from. We have been here before . . . forced to make a decision to invest thousands of dollars on a pet.

I pause and take a deep breath. In that breath I experience the presence of the Holy Spirit within me. He comforts and guides me. With such sudden warmth what else could it be? Who else could it be? He whispers, “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh words stirs up anger” (Proverbs 15:1).

He brought me wisdom needed to make the next right choice.

“Let how you are speaking be laced with love regardless of what you are saying.” (pg. 63)

The text message exchange with my husband comes to an end; not a perfect ending but a peaceful one. I leave Drake in the care of the veterinarian’s assistant after signing our way back into debt again. We had recently celebrated with high-fives through a computer screen freedom from debt. I headed home richer though. Richer for choosing God’s kind of love. For “love is not a fight, but it is always worth fighting for” (pg. 63).

An hour later the veterinarian who would perform Drake’s surgery calls me. I will skip over the details and go straight to the good stuff. She called with an offer to reduce the cost of the surgery by nine-hundred dollars. A blessing from God? Oh, yes indeed.

Drake is home recovering. More importantly, my relationship with my husband continues to grow deeper and deeper. Because when love steps in, it changes things.

p.s. I took a different approach to my writing with this post. Let's call it stretching and exploring where God leads.

Dare #1: Love is patient

Dare #2: Love is kind

Dare #3: Love is not selfish

Dare #4: Love is thoughtful

Dare #5: Love is not rude

Dare #6: Love is not irritable

Dare #7: Love believes the best

Dare #8: Love is not jealous

Dare #9: Love makes good impressions

Dare #10: Love is unconditional

Dare #11: Love cherishes

Dare #12: Love lets the other win

Dare #13: Love fights fair

Next week: Love takes delight

Three Word Wednesday: Surprised by God {Surprised by Motherhood}

When Lisa-Jo Baker’s book Surprised by Motherhood released, I admittedly convinced myself the target audience most likely did not include mothers of adult children. Why I convinced myself of this I do not know other than to say Satan surely played a role.


Even though my children are now young adults I never stop being their mother. They may no longer solely rely on me for daily survival but they are still my children. Of course Lisa’s book also applies to me.

“A mother continues to labor long after the baby is born” (Lisa-Jo Baker, Surprised by Motherhood, pg. 8). 

My husband and I are parents to two boys who are 24 and 22 years old. The first twenty years of our marriage did not include God. Until four years ago, we relied on our own strength to be parents to these boys of ours. 



Our own strength failed them miserably. They watched their parents go through emotional abuse, addictions, affairs and two separations. In my eyes, we were the worst parents ever and had set our children on a similar path toward no good.



God's amazing grace rescued our family of four. He gave us a reason to have hope. Hope for better. I can now look back at the brokenness and see how God takes our messes and makes something beautiful.

I am sharing at my friend Katie's of Echoes of My Heart today as part of her Open Hearts series. The post went live on Tuesday but I decided to use for my Three Word Wednesday post. I do not have the heart to ask you to read too many posts in one week.

Join me here for the rest of my story.

Note: The Love Dare series will continue next week with Dare #13, Love Fights Fair.

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Three Word Wednesday: See-You-Later {Guest Post}

There has not been much free time for writing since returning from San Diego. The pre-planning I did by scheduling to have my lovely milspouse friend Sharita of 7 Days Time guest post today turned out to be wise planning on my part. And seeing that I just had another “see-you-later” moment her topic is rather timely.

Please help me give her a warm welcome by leaving some comment love after you read her post and link up. This girl always makes me smile. You will love her!!

By the way, the Love Dare series will continue. I'm taking a short term break with Dare 13 scheduled for Wednesday, August 13th. I have something else in the works for next week. You can catch up on previous posts in this series here.

Now back to welcoming Sharita . . .

As an army wife, I have had my fair share of “see-you-later” moments.

I call those challenging farewell experiences “see-you-later” moments because I despise the word goodbye. “Goodbye” seems so… final.

And if you are a Jesus lover like me, there is no finality to the separation with our fellow Jesus-lovers.

This truth alone gives me strength/courage/hope to get out of bed each day and face whatever challenges God has divinely placed in my path.

Although I sound all macho-rock-star-confident about the see-you-later moments in my life, I wasn’t always like that.

I remember my first “see-you-later” moment with my then-boyfriend-yet-soon-to-be-husband Brandon.

We met 4 months prior and were just a few short days from facing a 12-month see-you-later as he headed to Iraq for the third time.

We were head over heels crazy for each other, already talking about our post-deployment marriage plans once he returned from “The Sandbox.”

Brandon was my first (and only) real boyfriend.  I had only been legitimately walking with Jesus for a couple of months at that point. Needless to day, I was less than excited about the upcoming deployment.

As the days of togetherness drew to a close, the two of us joined his family for a wedding. I was going through the typical process of meeting oodles of his relatives. His great Aunt Nancy was quite a hoot—a woman who was loud, adorable, funny, and a lover of Christ.

I wanted to be her friend.  Until we got to the see-you-later moment.

As we were saying our “see-you-laters” to the extended family, everyone repeatedly told Brandon that they would be praying for him, to keep his head down, all the typical pre-deployment blessings.

Then came Aunt Nancy’s turn. She gave my Beloved a hug and kiss, told him she loved him and said the words I have yet to forget: “Take care of yourself, Brandon. I will see you later. If not on this side, then definitely the next.”

My stomach dropped to my toes. I wanted to find the nearest trashcan, grocery bag or potted plant because I thought I was going to throw up.

Dear. Lord. In. Heaven. He really is deploying. I might never see him again. What am I supposed to do? 

Then I heard God whisper: “Daughter, trust me. I have you both in my care. And since you both love me, you WILL see him again one way or another.” 

Honestly, that sentiment brought me little comfort in the moment. It did keep me from redecorating the nearest potted plant, but I was still a ball of nerves facing the rapidly approaching see-you-later deployment moment.

Thankfully, Brandon returned a year later and we were married two months after he was back on American soil. In the years since that very first see-you-later moment and heart-jarring statement from Aunt Nancy, we have had many, many more see-you-later moments ranging from a few days to a few weeks to several months.

And wouldn’t you know it? As my relationship with Christ has grown, so has my peace and confidence in the thought about not saying goodbye but embracing the promise of “see-you-later” within Christ.

You don’t have to be the spouse or parent of a military service member to embrace this see-you-later concept. We all have experiences where we are temporarily separated from those we love, be it due to miles, technology, life circumstances or even those Christ followers who have already been called home.

Dear readers, when we are facing a tough “see-you-later” experience in life, we should adopt an attitude like Aunt Nancy. We can say our see-you-laters with confidence, allowing His peace and promise to flow through our veins. We can face those hard moments with the knowledge that no matter what happens, we have hope that we will someday take part in the most glorious reunion…

Be it on this side or the next.

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Sharita Knobloch describes herself as a Jesus-loving, enthusiastically creative minister, writer, and Blackaby Spiritual Leadership Coach.  She loves encouraging others to find Jesus in the everyday and live in His light through blogging and coaching at 7 Days Time Ministry. She adores her family, specifically her Beloved U.S. Army Infantry husband Brandon, their sweet daughter Charis, and goofy little dog Justus. Sharita enjoys exploring her current “home” state of Washington, working on her love-hate relationship with running,  breaking in new journals with inky pens, and the occasional square of dark chocolate in the bathtub.

Connect with Sharita on her Website, Facebook or Twitter.

Three Word Wednesday: Be fully present

I'm here . . .

And plan to be fully here.

“Wherever you are, be all there." - Ann Voskamp

In the spirit of my Love Dare journey, I leave you with this . . .
 

Would you help love on our community of writers this week for me since I will be unable to make any rounds? If you are able to visit a few more friends than usual to leave comment love it would be greatly appreciated.

By the way, did you notice there is now a featured Three Word Wednesday post on my blog page every week? Look down the right side bar. Super cool!!

Wishing you blessings upon blessings.

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Now it's your turn to share three words.

1. Choose three words.
2. Share a post, photo, scripture — anything that highlights the three words you have chosen. (link up your post URL, not your blog homepage).
3. Family-friendly posts only. Anything else will be removed.
4. Grab the Three Word Wednesday button on my home page to use in your post or include a link back to my blog.
5. Find someone (or a few) to encourage with a comment.
6. We can also connect on Twitter with the #ThreeWordWednesday hashtag.
7. Don't have a blog? Share your three words in the comments or on my blog Facebook page.
8. Help spread the word and get others involved.
9. If you are linking up for the first time please include the word "NEW" in your link title.

Three Word Wednesday: Be perfectly united

“I appeal to you, brothers and sisters, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that all of you agree with one another in what you say and that there be no divisions among you, but that you be perfectly united in mind and thought.” – 1 Corinthians 1:10

God works in amazing ways.

This week’s love dare (Dare 12) in The Love Dare book is titled, "Love lets the other win." On Sunday my church kicked off a study on 1 Corinthians. When I read Chapter 1 in my own study time, the verse from 1 Corinthians 1:10 jumped off the page at me. It sounded rather similar to the message given in Dare 12.

I can only describe the timing of the two readings as God’s perfect timing.

Neither suggested there are not things worth standing up for and protecting. The message is, and always is, to let love guide our behavior. And love will only guide our behavior when Christ comes first in our life, for He is love.

As I wrote in my post for Dare 11 (Love cherishes), when we say “I do” to our spouse we became one. Disagreements will come in a marriage. But when we mistreat our spouse, we also mistreat ourselves. Therefore, we need to let His love lead us toward the “perfect unity in mind and thought” which Paul describes in 1 Corinthians 1:10.

In the Life Application Bible study notes for 1 Corinthians 1:10 it says to “Focus on your coach, Jesus Christ, and the purpose he has for you. Strive for harmony.”

Before we allow feelings to lead our behavior, we breathe in and breathe out and ask the Holy Spirit to lead us. I know, easier said than done at times. I'm preaching to myself too.

My pastor titled the sermon series on 1 Corinthians, “Growing Pains.” It sounds more and more appropriate to me. Those two words describe a marriage well, don't you think? There are pains but God uses them to bring growth.

The writers of The Love Dare describe how we are to have an attitude of willingness toward our spouse. We talked about willingness in Dare 2 (Love is kind).

“It’s an attitude and spirit of cooperation that should permeate our conversations. It’s like a palm tree by the ocean that endures the greatest winds because it knows how to gracefully bend” (pg. 57).

The greatest example of willingness is in Jesus Christ. He willingly endured the cross for our sins.

“Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 2:5).

Instead of being stubborn when disagreements come to get our way, let’s be like a palm tree by the ocean. The love dare . . . let’s be willing to bend by demonstrating love to our spouse. “Surrendering a battle may actually be the best way to greater victory” (pg. 58).

p.s. I normally spend significantly more time preparing my posts but time has been limited. I'm praying my message came across as intended and grammatical errors are limited. Thank you for your grace.

p.s.s. My son and his wife are now in town. If you are able to visit the person who links up before and after you to help make sure everyone is visited it would be greatly appreciated. I hope to still make some rounds but time online will be limited.

Dare #1: Love is patient

Dare #2: Love is kind

Dare #3: Love is not selfish

Dare #4: Love is thoughtful

Dare #5: Love is not rude

Dare #6: Love is not irritable

Dare #7: Love believes the best

Dare #8: Love is not jealous

Dare #9: Love makes good impressions

Dare #10: Love is unconditional

Dare #11: Love cherishes

Dare #12: Love lets the other win

Next week: Love fights fair

Three Word Wednesday: I cherish you

When I said “I do” to my husband we became one. “In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself; for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it” (Ephesians 5:28-29). We are a part of each other. What one experiences, we both experience. When one is hurting or going through a difficult time we should go to great lengths to show love.

The word cherish is defined as “to feel or show great love for” or “to make warm.”

My husband currently serves in harm’s way in a country that lacks any kind of warmth. I know the months away from home have been difficult on him. As his wife, I need to be the one to bring warmth to his life and heart.

Dare #11: How can you warm the heart of your spouse today? Look for opportunities to bring warmth to the coldness in his life? If possible, give them an unexpected, tender touch. Choose a gesture that says, “I cherish you.” And do it with sincerity.

I am unable to give my husband “an unexpected, tender touch” with him being on the other end of the world. My opportunities to bring him warmth are through exchanged messages and brief phone conversations. I am always sure to express delight when I hear from him. This isn't hard to do when you are counting the days, hours and minutes until you connect.

I told my husband when I finally see his face again (we've been unable to Skype the past month) I will do a cartwheel.

Before he deployed I had hopes of sending him a handwritten note weekly. He treasured the letters he received from me when he was away from home for his basic training. A handwritten note warms the heart, don’t you agree?

We have been able to talk frequently during our time apart so I have only sent him a few handwritten notes. It’s late in the game for me to make up for lost time. I do plan to slip in one or two letters before I can no longer send him mail.

There is still a desire to check off this love dare by choosing a gesture that communicates, “I cherish you.”

I also had hopes of reading the book The 5 Love Languages Military Edition. While I have not read yet there is still time. It now resides on my iPad. To get a head start, I explored www.fivelovelanguages.com for quick ideas on how to fill my husband’s “love tank.” To fill his love tank I need to know his love language.

The 5 Love Languages referred to in the book are:

1. Words of Affirmation
2. Quality Time
3. Receiving Gifts
4. Acts of Service
5. Physical Touch

I’m certain my husband would say his love language is physical touch. With physical touch not an option for me, I decided to go with a secondary option of “acts of service.” Acts of service means doing things you know your spouse would like you to do.

My husband takes pride in maintaining our home. I know serving him on the home front by tending to our home is important to him. I am grateful he hired professionals to help keep our home clean and grass cut but there are many other neglected areas.

To express my love for him through acts of service I decided to take care of a few things around the home I knew he would appreciate. To be able to tell him I pulled weeds and cleaned the the garage brought a smile to my face. Okay, there are still many more weeds to pull. I did find the time spent on these two projects to be refreshing. Go figure.

There will be less writing and time online while I continue tending to our home. He did not demand or even ask this of me; I choose to do out of love.

My son and his wife will also soon be home for a visit. I will then join them in California for a few days before my son deploys. I know focusing on our children communicates to my husband, “I cherish you and our children.”

What is your spouse's love language? How about yours?

Dare #1: Love is patient

Dare #2: Love is kind

Dare #3: Love is not selfish

Dare #4: Love is thoughtful

Dare #5: Love is not rude

Dare #6: Love is not irritable

Dare #7: Love believes the best

Dare #8: Love is not jealous

Dare #9: Love makes good impressions

Dare #10: Love is unconditional

Dare #11: Love cherishes

Next week: Love lets the other win

Three Word Wednesday: Love is unconditional

A month after my husband returns home from his deployment we will celebrate 24 years of marriage. Twenty-four years ago we said the traditional wedding vows to one another: “I promise to love you, comfort you, honor and keep you for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and health and forsaking all others, be faithful only to you so long as we both shall live.”

In Dare 10 of The Love Dare book the writers say, “The only way love can last a lifetime is if it’s unconditional.” The Bible refers to an unconditional love by using the Greek word agape.

“Agape love is ‘sickness and health’ love, ‘for richer or poorer’ love, ‘for better or worse’ love. It is the only kind of love that is lasting, unchanging, true love.” (pg. 47)

Agape love is God’s kind of love.

We did not know God on our wedding day or for the next 20 years of our marriage. I did not love my husband with an unconditional, agape love. Instead of an unchanging love no matter the circumstances, my love swayed based on how I felt. When hard times came our way my feelings toward my husband changed. Twice I told him I no longer loved him and left seeking better.

I've felt shame from the decision I made to leave my husband and the mistakes I made which led up to it. Leaving meant I had failed to honor the commitment to love him no matter the circumstances. Even though we were both guilty of providing reasons for the other to want out, I will only speak to the shame in my own heart for how deeply I hurt him.

But God (my favorite two words in the Bible) is a God who forgives all our sins.

“This is real love—not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as a sacrifice to take away our sins.” - 1 John 4:10

While I speak of God’s forgiveness, I found my way back into my husband’s arms before we accepted Christ as our Savior.  We were together again and attempting to get by on our own strength; a strength we did not have. Our love for one another still tossed back and forth from the storms that came our way.

How could we love one another with God’s kind of love if we hadn't placed our trust in Him? To love one another with an unconditional, agape love, God needs to be the foundation of our lives and not each other.

Thankfully, someone took the time to share the words said by the Apostle Paul in Romans 5:1-5 with me and led me to the hope found in Him. “And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love” (Romans 5:5). Those words began the journey of a relationship with Christ. It was a different person and words for my husband but by God’s grace the journey began for both of us.

Until we accepted His forgiveness, I do not think either of us realized how deep our need had become. Even more than forgiveness, we longed for an unconditional love . . . a love we were unable to give until we had received for ourselves. Unlike the expectation we placed on one another, we did not need to prove ourselves worthy of God’s love. “He doesn't love us because we are lovable, but because He is so loving.” (pg. 47)

God chooses to freely give His love to us. Love is a choice. And the choice begins by allowing God into our hearts so His love can grow in us. An unconditional love does not come from within. An unconditional love, an agape love, comes from God.

“Dear friends, let us continue to love one another, for love comes from God. Anyone who loves is a child of God and knows God. But anyone who does not love does not know God, for God is love.” - 1 John 4:7-8

I left my husband seeking love elsewhere when all along the love I wanted could only be found through faith and trust in the One who is love. Because of Him, I am free from the shame of past mistakes and have been made new.  I will therefore speak of His goodness and what He has done for me and my marriage all the days of my life with the hope of leading others to Him. For it has nothing to do with me and everything to do with Him.

I choose God.
I choose Love.

And I will pray for God to help me love my husband with an unconditional, agape love so my marriage is a reflection of His perfect love.

Dare #1: Love is patient

Dare #2: Love is kind

Dare #3: Love is not selfish

Dare #4: Love is thoughtful

Dare #5: Love is not rude

Dare #6: Love is not irritable

Dare #7: Love believes the best

Dare #8: Love is not jealous

Dare #9: Love makes good impressions

Dare #10: Love is unconditional

Next week: Love cherishes

Three Word Wednesday: Love at Hello

Throughout my husband’s deployment the way he greets me via a text message, email, or over the phone never leaves me questioning his love for me or how much he misses me. When we are able to Skype we do this silly movement with our hands as we say good-bye too. Neither of us remembers how it started or what the movement means but it’s now the thing we do and I love our thing.

With an end to the deployment in sight, I dream about his homecoming A LOT. A video of a military homecoming brings me to tears. Imagining my husband’s homecoming brings buckets of tears . . . joyful tears.

In Dare #9 of The Love Dare book it states how you can tell a lot about the current status of a couple’s marriage by the way they greet one another. “You can see it in her smile, hear it in his voice, and sense it in the tenderness of their touch. Or lack thereof.” (pg. 41)

Don't expect to see a lack thereof when my husband walks off his plane. He will receive one big kiss the moment he’s within my reach.

There have been seasons when our greetings lacked tenderness. I wore fewer smiles during those seasons and my voice did not reflect a woman who loves her husband. We had our seasons of playing the role of a happily married couple when underneath we were anything but happy.

I am not ignorant to the fact that difficult seasons will come our way again.

My husband’s reintegration back to civilian life will come with challenges. I have a choice in how I choose to greet my husband during those seasons. Even if feelings are contrary, I can choose to be kind. There is always a reason to choose kindness — “love being the greatest reason of all.” Because love is a choice we make.

“While greetings can reflect what’s currently happening in a relationship, they can also become a loving investment in its future health.” (pg. 41)

The writers refer to the story told by Jesus of the prodigal son. After making poor choices the son returns home humbled and ashamed expecting to live like one of his father’s hired servants. The greeting he anticipated was not the one he received. “While he was still a long way off, his father saw him and felt compassion for him, and ran and embraced him and kissed him” (Luke 15:20).

The way I choose to greet my husband can set the stage for better moments ahead. A loving greeting communicates he is loved and treasured no matter the circumstances. It’s a gift I can give to him every single day. Just like Christ gives to me (us).

A smile came to my face as I read on in the chapter and came to these words: "So choose to love at hello." Like me, those words may remind you of the movie Jerry Maguire. You know the scene toward the end of the movie when Jerry (Tom Cruise) proclaims his love to Dorothy (Renee Zellweger)? Dorothy eventually stops him and says, "You had me at hello."

My prayer is that my husband knows he wins my heart at hello. He will have imperfect moments (so will I) and choosing to love him at hello won't always come with ease but love makes the choice to see beyond the imperfections and to love anyways. I choose to love my husband well beginning with hello.

I realize it may be easier to make such a promise with my husband on the other end of the world. What happens when he returns home and those nuances we both bring to our marriage are back in the game? I hope the time we have spent apart has taught me to never take for granted the ability to greet him with a warm touch the moment he walks in the door.

“Since we each have no guarantee of tomorrow, every new day with our spouse is a gift from God for us to cherish and enjoy.” (pg. 43)

I don't know what the future holds. Only God knows. But I know this love dare challenge and the time I am spending with God is changing my heart. If I am not choosing love the problem lies within my own heart. Thankfully, I have access to the One who is in the business of heart transplants.

Scripture reveals that He places significant value on marriages. I trust Him completely too continually work on this heart of mine to teach me how to love my husband with His kind of love.

Dare #1: Love is patient

Dare #2: Love is kind

Dare #3: Love is not selfish

Dare #4: Love is thoughtful

Dare #5: Love is not rude

Dare #6: Love is not irritable

Dare #7: Love believes the best

Dare #8: Love is not jealous

Dare #9: Love makes good impressions

Next week: Love is unconditional

Three Word Wednesday: Love isn't jealous

From my husband's last promotion.

In the second post of my love dare series I admitted my jealousy towards my husband for the free time he has during his deployment. The jealousy continues to live in my heart.

My husband recently posted a Facebook status update expressing joy for the evenings when his unit gathers around a fire. They tell stories of basic training, other deployments and life back home. He mentioned these times almost felt like they were home, but the one thing missing was a cooler of beer.

The initial thoughts I had did not resemble a wife being her husband’s biggest cheerleader. Shouldn't I be the one thing missing?

When I read his status update it hurt my feelings. I also had a hint of jealousy over his evenings of fun. Don't get me wrong, I’m grateful he has those opportunities but I am longing for us to have an evening of fun together. I want to be the one thing missing.

I know there are other occasions when I let jealousy win over being his cheerleader.

He has an outgoing personality and makes friends easily. Kids adore him for his willingness to get on the floor and play. These qualities do not come with ease for me. When we are in situation where he has won the hearts of those around him, I tend to pull back instead of cheering him on.

With him being a soldier he often receives accolades for his service to our country. There are times when congratulations are in order for his accomplishments or advancement in rank. I get jealous of the attention he receives.

“Because love is not selfish and puts others first, it refuses to let jealousy in. It leads you to celebrate the successes of your spouse rather than resenting them.”– The Love Dare (pg. 37-38)

Jealousy plays out in other areas of my life too.

It creeps in as I read someone else’s blog. They write far better than me. I get jealous of the talents they have and I wish I had. They have more followers. Their posts have more shares. The list of where my thoughts can go goes on and on.

On all accounts, it comes down to envy and selfishness. (There is that selfishness once again.) I want what others have and lack gratitude for the gifts God has given me.

In James 3:15 we are told, “Such ‘wisdom’ does not come down from heaven but is earthly, unspiritual, demonic” (James 3:15). And right after that it says, “For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice” (James 3:16).

We are even told in Galatians 5:19-21 that those who live with envy and selfishness will not inherit the Kingdom. Ouch.

There are times when jealousy is legitimate. Jealousy was justified by both of us when on separate occasions we gave ourselves to another. I rightfully wanted back what belonged to me and the same held true for my husband.

A jealousy which comes from envy and selfishness will infect our marriages and other relationships. It keeps us from living a life of love. God’s wisdom tells us we are to “spur one another on toward love” (Hebrews 10:24). 

As my husband’s wife I need to encourage him by celebrating his successes. I should be captain of his fan club.

Before my heart becomes rooted in envy and selfishness I need to seek God and His wisdom. He will free me from the need to compare myself to others, especially my husband, and want what they have. I want a heart rooted in God’s love. When rooted in His love, He will help me reflect His kind of love toward my husband and to others.

And I do this because of God's love for me. His love compels me (2 Corinthians 5:14) to love my husband and others with His kind of love.

Dare #8: Email, write, or telephone your spouse to tell them how glad you are about a recent success that they have achieved.

My husband keeps saying it's a “we” effort but I've expressed my appreciation to him via email, letter and phone for how he diligently stayed on top of our once horrible financial situation. As of today we are out of debt (minus a mortgage payment). There were virtual high fives during our recent Facetime. While I contributed financially, my husband contributed financially and did the grunt work (even while deployed). Praise God for how He provided and made this possible.

Thank you again, friends, for staying with me through this love dare journey.

Dare #1: Love is patient

Dare #2: Love is kind

Dare #3: Love is not selfish

Dare #4: Love is thoughtful

Dare #5: Love is not rude

Dare #6: Love is not irritable

Dare #7: Love believes the best

Dare #8: Love is not jealous

Next week: Love makes good impressions