Love for the Red, White and Blue

My husband has always said we will not travel oversees until we've seen all of America. I usually respond with a frown on my face and then secretly hope one day he will change his mind. My heart's desire is to see the world.

He's right though. There are many other countries I have my heart set on visiting, but there are so many places right here in America that we've yet to explore. And why not first explore this country of ours? My heart sours when I spend time in the mountains. The prairies all green and full of life open my eyes to the beauty and vastness of our country. Peace fills every part of me when I sit along the ocean and listen to the waves crash against the shoreline.

God Bless America, land that I love.

I've learned much from this husband of mine. His love for America has become contagious. A love so deep he's willing to stand up and protect her—protect us. Many times I find it hard to wrap my mind around that. My husband is part of the one percent of Americans willing to sacrifice their life for our country—mind boggling indeed.

The American Flag towers over our house. I recently noticed for the first time what a delight it is to drive down our street as I make my way home to see our flag flying. A part of me wanted to pull over, get out of my car and simply stop and sing...God Bless America. It took my breath away.

We can all learn from this one percent. Have you ever been on a military base and witnessed how the entire base stands still when "Reveille" or "Retreat" are played? As either is played you stop and render honors to the American Flag. Seriously friends...it's an amazing site to see. I imagine some get tired of the disruption, and maybe I would too, but I'd like to believe I would not. I'd like to believe that every time it reminded me of how greatly we are blessed.

Yes, this man of mine has taught me a few things about loving our country. It's funny how becoming a military family changed us. Every part of me wanted to fight it. I'm glad I lost the fight.

Not only have I discovered a new love for this country, I fell in love with the One who created it.

"He existed before anything else, and he holds all creation together." ~ Colossians 1:17

"He chose to give birth to us by giving us his true word. And we, out of all creation, became his prized possession." ~ James 1:18

"No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord." ~ Romans 8:39

I feel blessed not only to be an American, but more importantly to be a child of God. And do you know what God said about His creation?  "Then God looked over all he had made, and he saw that it was very good!" ~ Genesis 1:31

Thank you, God. My love for America and for You runs deep.

I also wrote a post as I reflected on Memorial Day. I would love for you to read it here.

Sharing with the lovely Kristen Strong.
And also with Melanie for her Friday Favorites Link-up.

Love all of what He created

Why does my heart sink when I see the word food? Part of me wants to take a pass on this prompt and wait for the next one. But then I feel a nudge from God and accept that my fear of this word is something He wants me to overcome.

We've been here before, God. Can we agree that this fear is here to stay? It's a part of me and I don't know if I can let it go.

My love/hate relationship with food, this eating disorder of mine, is one I'm convinced I have under control. We've had this relationship for over 15 years so I have it perfected. Stay with your comfort foods, Beth. When you find yourself up against the wall with food outside your comfort category, the bathroom is near. No problem!

When I play out the scene in my mind, I admit I have a rather warped view of what it means to have control.

Putting words to this battle is hard. A new writer friend recently wrote a post on a dare to love herself and her words touched my heart. At first I was jealous of her ability to express herself so beautifully. My jealousy then turned to praise. I was thankful for her ability to write about the battle to love who God created us to be.

"I will stop rejecting You, by loving all of what You created." ~ Tammy

The fear isn't so much the food but rather the fear of how what I eat will change me. Thin is good. Thin is acceptable. The opposite just won't do. And really, the underlying battle is believing I am enough just the way He created me. It makes me sad that I reject God by not loving all of what He created.

I spend time sharing with a friend and she says, "Beth, it's time to say big prayers to God." The only words that come are God, please take this.

Am I ready to surrender this control, or lack of control? Am I ready to surrender my body to God? What will change when I do? Will I ever be able to look in the mirror and no matter what I see say, your works are wonderful? Can I step on a scale and believe the number isn't a reflection of my worth? Will I ever be able to look at food and not fear its impact?

My one word for 2013 is embrace. I chose this word because I know God is wanting me to embrace who I am in Christ. My go-to verse is, "I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." ~ Psalm 139:14

I say this verse over and over again...God's Word is the best way to combat the lies from the devil that push us deeper in our fears. Maybe my deepest fear is if I will ever truly believe these words apply to me too.

I reflect on my friend Tammy's words. "Grace is everywhere, but right here in us." While my tendency is to believe I'm excluded, the truth is His grace is in me too. So every morning when I wake, my prayer will be the same. "God, please take this." And each day I will grow in His amazing grace.

"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. ~ 2 Corinthians 12:9

How are you growing in His grace my friend? Will you share?

Redemption for a Family {Part 2}

Read Part 1 here.

Spring is here! I've always been in a rush for summer to come, but God seems to want me to find rest in the wonders of spring. As my husband and I prayed before dinner the other evening, these words from my mouth surprised me, Thank you God for spring and the promise of new life. Before we prayed (it was my turn to pray) I gave a slight sigh as I wasn't sure what my prayer would be. I love how if we begin with a single word and full surrender to God, He will do the rest.

This passion of mine to capture spring through the lens of my camera has me in awe of the new life blossoming before me. There is beauty in watching life appear through the dirt. Maybe I'm still overflowing with gratitude from the impact of this past Easter. I wondered as Easter ended, what comes next? As I write the answer comes. The promise of new life comes next.

We come to the cross and surrender our old life to Christ and we are made new.

Do you think this is what God intended with spring? He gives us new life springing up all around us, and all shortly after when the resurrection of Christ took place. I'm still feeling like the new girl on the block when it comes to my faith, so pardon me if I seem late to this revelation.

As I find rest in the wonders of spring, God reminds me of the new life He has given me and also my husband and children. I'm not always sure if I can include my children because they are not believers, but as my husband and I were filled with joy and peace from trusting God, hope overflowed and touched the lives of our children (Romans 15:13).

I see this new life Christ has given us with fresh eyes. God really does redeem. Memories of pain begin to fade and they are replaced with moments to celebrate. Some are small moments but the small are worth rejoicing over. Then there are those moments where time seems stands still and I hear God whisper, "Don't miss this. I'm doing something new."

"See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland." ~ Isaiah 43:19

Now I understand why He directed me to find rest in spring...to see how He made a way.

• He made a way for a father and son to learn how to love each other. A relationship that spent years in turmoil has been made new. To witness a recent embrace sent my heart leaping with joy.

• He made a way for another son to realize his full potential as both a musician and a student. I'm blown away by his talent.

• He made a way for a marriage to not only survive, but to bring together a union that was never fully made...a marriage that joins man, woman and God. I would have never imagined our evenings would be spent praying together.

• He made a way for a family to find healing — to be made new.

I'm still humming these lyrics over and over again, "Thank You Lord. I just want to thank You Lord." My heart is overflowing with gratitude.

"For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth derives its name. I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.

Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen."

~ Ephesians 3:14-21

 

With A Grateful Heart



Original Photo by friend Judd Johnson

For all You've given to me
For all the blessings that I cannot see
Thank You Lord
Thank you Lord

Thanks to (in)courage, thousands of woman gathered around the world on Saturday taking brave steps to embrace community through (in) Real Life meet-ups.

"It's all about friendship and the challenge to stay rooted in community when sometimes just walking away would be so much easier and tons more convenient."

I was unable to attend the meet-up in my area, but through a few online exchanges with the host of the gathering and the other ladies planning to attend, new friendships were beginning to bloom. A simple text on Saturday from one of these lovely ladies saying "Oh...I wish you were coming!" brightened my morning.

With a grateful heart
With a song of praise
With an outstretched arm
I will bless your name.

Instead of attending the local meet-up that morning I participated in a LEAD 2013 conference at my church. I did not miss out on the opportunity to embrace community. Leaders of the church gathered and worshiped God together, prayed over each other, and shared ideas on how to fill the holes within our ministries.

At the end of our time together we were given the chance to share what impacted us most from our day together. A guest speaker during the conference (Dr. Steve Lee) spoke on bringing our best to God. His message challenged me to look at the areas of my life where I'm not bringing my best. This is what I shared before we parted ways. What I really wanted to share was how a day of embracing community filled my heart.

My husband and I could have left our church that day leaving community behind us, but instead we choose to stay. We stayed rooted within that community by continuing into the late evening with another couple. My cup was overflowing.

Thank you Lord
I just want to thank You Lord
Thank You Lord
I just want to thank you Lord
Thank You Lord

On Sunday morning we returned to church and worshiping God was on my heart. I remembered the days of either blaming God for the pain in my life, or saying "if there really is a God, He forgot about me." How wrong I was. My heart was ready to sing praise to God for sending Jesus.

Our Family and Student Pastor delivered a powerful message that seemed to awaken the hearts of us all. His message...run to God. He shared how when bad things happen many times we choose to run from God thinking He's to blame, instead of running to Him. "He's the answer. He made a way to make it right through Jesus Christ."

For all You've done in my life
You took my darkness and gave me Your light
Thank You Lord
Thank You Lord

You took my sin and my shame,
You took my sickness and healed all my pain
Thank You Lord
Thank You Lord

During the service we stood and worshiped God by singing the song I've been sharing throughout this post "Thank You Lord (With A Grateful Heart)." As I sang the words, tears fell down my cheeks. My heart has been changed and many times this can still take my breath away. I had a moment where I was mesmerized again by what happened at the cross—mesmerized by what God did for me...for us.

I still struggle to share my faith beyond this blog, but something changed this past weekend. I realized by keeping my faith to myself, I'm withholding from others the greatest gift we were ever given. Jesus Christ!

"The world will know of the greatness of our God

 by the passion with which He is worshiped by His Church." 

~ Dr. Steve Lee

My passion has been ignited!

With a grateful heart
With a song of praise
With an outstretched arm
I will bless Your name

Thank you Lord
I just want to thank You Lord
Thank You Lord
I just want to thank You Lord
Thank You Lord

Thank You Lord (With a Grateful Heart)
By: Don Moen

"Now to him who is able to do immeasurable more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen."
~ Ephesians 3:20-21

Win the souls of your children

The season of raising two young boys is long past for me. My boys have become young men. The older one is now a husband to a lovely lady who is a beautiful addition to our family. I look at this photo and wonder where the time went.

While my boys are grown and our family looks much different, the photo remains one of my favorites. It sits in my office and many times I find myself staring at it lost in the memories. There are days I miss the season of having young ones under my care. I tease my husband and tell him maybe it's time to adopt. Adopting is a God-sized dream residing deep in my heart.

The photo brings back memories of doing everything I could to make sure my two boys knew they were loved.

What you do not see in this picture is the brokenness of my family during that season. We were in no way pursuing a relationship with God. My marriage was hanging on by a thread. I can look beyond this picture of innocence and see tempers flying and hearts being broken.

Then I look again and find God's grace. Somewhere in the midst of it all He was there. I can now look at this photo and see how God was present. I wonder how I missed Him for so many years. How did I not feel His spirit within me? Through the tempers and broken hearts there was one thing He was sure to place on my heart.

Love your children.

Mistakes were made and harsh words were said but in the end I always made sure my boys knew they were loved.

Prayers were not said and devotionals were not read but in the end I always made sure my boys knew they were loved.

This picture remains a favorite because the look on their faces tells me they knew how much they were loved. I thought I was far from God but He was always near. He had impressed something important on my heart.

Love your children.

Dr. Rob Rienow of Visionary Family Ministries was recently a guest speaker at my church. He shared a scary statistic of how 75% of children leave their faith when they become adults. My two boys were not raised in the church so they did not have a faith to leave. Dr. Rienow's message was one that encouraged me to always be praying. It's never too late to win the souls of our children. God won mine at the age of 42—it's never too late.

God used this photo to bless me in a new way. I see the precious innocence of my boys and find God's grace. I see how God shows up among our messy and imperfect lives. 

I'm reminded to hold on to hope.

"And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us."  ~ Romans 5:5 (NIV)

Even in my unbelief He had not given up on me. He was still there showing me how to love my children. Oh, how my heart begins beating with a renewed excitement over what He will do now that I do believe.

It is never too late to win the souls of our children.

A softened heart towards Guatemala

Memories of places I've been with my family have delighted me this past week thanks to Kristen @ Chasing Blue Skies and her most recent "out of the blue" prompt.

This week Kristen asks: Tell me about a place that surprised you by how much you liked it. Write about how you didn't expect to love it and why you now do. Maybe you live there now or hope to in the future. Maybe you vacationed there and hope to visit again. Either way, you were surprised at how the Lord softened your heart towards this location and how He's used it to bless you.

I could easily tell you about our family trip to St. Joseph, Michigan several years ago that far exceeded any expectations I had. It was a glorious four days together. Many pictures from this getaway hang in our hallway and always make me smile. My favorite memories are of our evenings relaxing on the shore of Lake Michigan with a fire, music and many laughs. One evening we were even blessed with fireworks!

But what about the time I was able to take my husband and two boys to the place where a significant portion of my childhood was spent? "Rocky Mountain High Colorado..." This state is simply breathtaking. From the moment we climbed into our Tahoe to begin our sixteen hour journey, to the moment we rolled back up the driveway, I felt as though we were in heaven. Colorado is one of God's masterpieces indeed.

I could fill up this post, and many more, on how wonderful these trips were. I pray we have the opportunity to return to both places again as a family.

As I was trying to decide which place to share with you, as both equally hold a special place in my heart, God kept bringing my mind to a place I've yet to visit and for some reason this is the place I most want to write about—Guatemala!

While I haven't been to Guatemala yet, my heart sure feels like this is where God has always meant for me to go. My new passport in its pretty pink cover is ready to take me on this adventure.

The mission team from my church met for the first time this week. My heart skipped a beat as one of the leaders asked me to help open our time together in prayer. God was already taking me out of my comfort zone and we are months away from leaving. Any lingering doubt on whether or not I heard God correctly when I said yes to being a part of this team, vanished in that moment.

Our time together was spent looking at pictures from previous trips made by mission teams, discussing fundraising opportunities and reviewing our preliminary itinerary. My heart feels as though it's already half way to Guatemala. I was most excited to hear how we will bring a big birthday party to a daycare we will visit. I've got goose bumps thinking about those precious children. May God allow us to bless them in a way they have never been blessed.

As our evening ended another woman asked me if I was afraid. At first her question confused me. Then, I quickly understood. She has fears on how God would use her in Guatemala. Oh, yes, me too!

How am I overcoming these fears? With prayers—lots and lots of prayers.

God, please let me be the hands and feet of your son Jesus in Guatemala. Whatever fears I may have of how you could use someone like me, I'm handing them over to you. With complete surrender, I'm yours and ready to follow your lead.

I'm blown away by how God has already softened my heart toward this place and I know without a doubt that He will use our mission team to bless the Guatemalan people. I also have a feeling He will use this trip to bless each of us.

Would you please pray for me and the rest of our mission team?

It's Good-Bye Again...

That first good-bye was said as a bus prepared to take my son off to begin his adventure of becoming a sailor. I remember all too clearly standing next to that bus, with his girlfriend (now his wife) standing by my side, trying to maintain some sense of composure as I waved good-bye. As a mom I'm supposed to be the strong one - right?

As my oldest son left on this new adventure, my husband and I would begin our own adventure of coming one step closer to being empty nesters. I always knew this day would come but as these boys of mine were growing up I never imagined one of them ending up so far from home. I never imagined that one good-bye would turn into many more good-byes. I've learned that many more are yet to come.

I will say that the good-byes have become bittersweet.

Our next good-bye came on the day I sent him off on his first official assignment as a sailor. Boot Camp days were over and his Navy career was beginning. I held tightly to every last moment I had with him. My feet wouldn't leave the terminal gate until I had watched his plane disappear into the sky. Tears began falling not knowing when I'd hug this child of mine again.

His first visit home was to celebrate his 21st birthday, and then came the glorious day when we made our way to visit him.

Each visit, though, was too soon followed by another good-bye.

As his visit home for Christmas came to an end, I remember standing in our kitchen, no longer able to hold back my tears as the time drew near. My son knows me all too well. Even though I was making every effort to hide my tears, when he walked into the kitchen he asked, "Why are you crying, Mom?" My only response was to reach out and hug him.

It was time for me to make my way to him for another visit. This time we would have some mother/son alone time. It would be my last visit with him before he became a husband. It quickly became a visit that will always remain on my heart.

As parents, many of us fear what happens when they leave the comfort of home. How will we transition into this next phase of them no longer needing their mom?

But, they do need us. They will always need us.

I realized this when on the last night of my visit with my son he seemed to delay leaving my hotel room. We spent a quiet evening listening to the play list for his wedding reception and watching a movie. Shortly after he left my room he sent me a text message that simply said, "I am so happy you came to see me." Oh, how those tears began falling.

There have been many more good-byes since that visit, but through each one I've been blessed. I've been blessed to watch him grow from a child to young man and from a young man to a husband.

More than anything, I've been blessed to witness that I will never stop being his mom. We don't stop being a mom; we just enter a new chapter of being a mom. And in many ways I'm finding this chapter to be my favorite of them all.

As I reflect on these past two years filled with good-byes, I realize not only was I blessed to watch how much my son grew, but I also grew. God taught me some much needed lessons on being a mom. The most important lesson was on learning to love my children unconditionally. God gave me the gift of being a mother. With each good-bye, I've discovered the best gift I could give to my son was to let him know he was loved just because he was him.

I remember someone sharing how mothers are like a lighthouse. The primary purpose of the lighthouse is to bring its mariners home. This is what I want to be to both my children...a lighthouse that keeps on shining and always directs them home.

To keep my lighthouse shining, I turn to God.

"You are my lamp, O LORD; the LORD turns my darkness into light." - 2 Samuel 22:29

Unexpected Confidence

I’m not always sure why God used becoming a military family to bring a renewed strength to my family. Many times I have thought it was an odd choice. Thankfully my ways are not His ways, so I’ve stopped questioning His choice. There are too many reasons to be grateful for the journey He has taken us on.

What I find mind boggling is how God showed up and gave an unexpected boost of confidence to each member of my family. It was a boost of confidence that was desperately needed even though some may not have realized how much that boost was needed. As I look back and see how God orchestrated each step, and how each of us grew as a result, I’m in awe.

It began with giving a husband and father the confidence to pursue a lifelong dream at the age of 41 to serve His country. Soon after, confidence was found for a son to follow in his father’s footsteps. Serving his country was not a lifelong dream, but he was in need of knowing he was capable of so much more than he ever allowed himself to believe. He showed another son that he too could pursue a dream…a dream for a life filled with music.

As these men of mine began their new adventures, two of them being led away from home, I wanted my life to come to a stop. How would I possibly manage? For this introvert, confidence was needed to simply venture outside of the house on my own. God gave me the confidence to keep moving forward.

He gave me confidence to send my husband off to become a soldier and begin a new chapter in our life.

He gave me confidence to let go of my son the day he left for Boot Camp to become a sailor.

He gave me confidence to support my youngest son in pursuing his dream, because sometimes we moms need confidence in our ability to be a supporting mom.

He gave me confidence to say to my husband, when he called to tell me an injury during his training was now going to keep him away longer than originally planned, that “Everything will be okay.”

He gave me confidence to hop in the car with only a few hours’ notice and make the drive from Chicago to South Carolina to bring my husband home to recover from his injury prior to completing his training.

He gave me confidence to say, “I can handle this,” when I opened my front door one morning to 22 inches of snow.

More recently, He was with me as I rose from my seat one Sunday morning and took those scary steps to the front of the sanctuary. I grabbed hold of the microphone and stood before our entire congregation as the leader of our new Military Support Ministry and shared my heart on why supporting our troop’s matters. The hand that held my notes would not stop shaking. God gave me the confidence to speak.

Every time I hit the “Publish” button on a new post, it’s because He has given me the confidence to believe that my stories matter.

How do we grab hold of this confidence God wants to give us?

In Matthew 4:19 Jesus says, “Come, follow me.” When we make the choice to follow Jesus, we are surrendering relying on our own agenda, and trusting His. It’s a choice we make daily to surrender and trust that He has us right where we are for a purpose. When we put our trust in Him, He will give us the confidence needed to fulfill His plan.

We may not do it perfectly, but He isn’t asking us to be perfect. There were many times I found myself in tears when my husband was gone. On that day I stood before our congregation, my words were far from perfect and it was more than obvious how badly my one hand was shaking. I wouldn't be surprised if you were able to find several posts with some kind of grammatical error. But every day I make the choice to keep on following Him.

God makes no mistakes so put your trust in Him.

With a grateful heart, thank you God! On my own, these things would not have been possible — with you all things are possible. (Matthew 19:26)

Broken Jars of Clay

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. - 2 Corinthians 12:9

I've seen it written many times that one of the keys to a great blog post is a vulnerable story. "Dare to be open and truly vulnerable about your life," says writer Mary DeMuth. I saw truth in this when I recently shared about mistakes I made in my marriage. Read post here

I was humbled by the comments received. There was a good deal of fear in pressing "Publish" on that particular post. Would others think I was crazy for sharing these mistakes? There were no comments left to confirm those sentiments, but there were comments expressing gratitude for being vulnerable by sharing my story of love and forgiveness.

It certainly isn't easy being vulnerable. For many of us, being vulnerable is the complete opposite of how we were raised. Stuff your emotions and move on was more of the norm.

I was reminded of words shared by Joyce Meyer in her Amplified Bible from First Corinthians. She wrote on how we are like jars of clay. "Imagine a clay pot with a lamp in it and a lid on it. Even though it may be filled with light, no one can see the light within it. Yet if the pot is cracked, the light will shine through the cracks. In this same way, God works through our imperfections."

Read just a few stories of the Bible and you will notice how God used imperfect people over and over again. If we were perfect we wouldn't need God. Isn't it refreshing to know God isn't asking us to be perfect?

"God works through our imperfections."

For many years I was sure I had failed my children. Their younger years were spent watching their parents go through many battles. Many times I wished it was possible to go back in time and do it over again. Can I please have a second chance to do things right? Hours upon hours were spent worrying about how the choices and mistakes we made as parents would impact the lives of our two boys. How would those choices and mistakes impact them as they became husbands and eventually fathers?

Could it be possible that during those years of pain and sorrow, and the many mistakes, there was something greater taking place in us? Could it be God was using our brokenness to draw us closer to Him?

My husband recently shared with our small group about a time when he asked our oldest son for forgiveness. The two of them had a very difficult relationship for many years. He shared his story with such vulnerability. It's his story to share, but imagine a father approaching his son on the day of his wedding and asking for forgiveness. I imagine a light was shining through the cracks of the doorway as the two of them embraced.

On the day of my son's wedding, I didn't see a young man shattered from witnessing the brokenness of his parents. I saw the greatness of our God.

"God works through our imperfections."

The imperfections of my marriage can seem too great at times. Many times we got it all wrong. The reasons to ask for forgiveness are long. For much of our marriage we relied on our own strength, a strength we simply didn't have. How do we ever apologize for all the pain our children endured as a result of our imperfections?

I can't help but to think of my husband again and the story he shared. Kristen says it better than I ever could, "A genuine apology is a gateway to shocking, glorious redemption and a fresh start." My husband never told me about his apology to our son. I was hearing for the first time as he shared with our small group. But what I did witness is what took place following his apology, a "glorious redemption and a fresh start" for a father and son.

The pain we endured....those imperfections...God used them. He used them to paint a glorious story of forgiveness through a father and son. He uses them over and over as we dare to be vulnerable in exposing those cracks in our marriage. Each crack is another story to tell on how God redeems. Each one leads to sharing the greatness of our God.


"God works through our imperfections."

That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. - 2 Corinthians 12:10

By the grace of God

There is this great mistake I want to share with you, but sharing is hard. Since launching this new blog I've shared little as it relates to my marriage. This seems strange to me because when I first began this blogging adventure my intent was to share how my story was one of forgiveness.

"My story to tell, is a story of forgiveness. I may not have Dr. in front of my name, but I think the strongest form of medicine is learning to forgive. It isn't just learning to forgive another, but learning to forgive yourself. There have been many broken bones (not literally) in my relationship with my husband. But, I know those bones are stronger because we learned to forgive each other. We are stronger individually, and we are stronger as a couple."

These words were shared in a post from my former blog. As I read them they still ring true. But why is my story one of forgiveness? The why is the harder part to share.

To be able to share that this October my husband and I will celebrate 23 years of marriage is only by the grace of God. When I gave warning to my husband on the topic for this post he asked, "Can you write on the grace of God when we weren't even believers at that time?"

"Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be." - Psalm 139:16

God already knew our story... Yes, dear. I can write about the grace of God.

So what is my greatest mistake? I actually have two. Oh how I wish I didn't have this one or two. While I've made many mistakes in my life, these two... well they leave me ever so thankful for the grace of God.

There is a part of me that wants to back-track a little here, but this may go on forever if I do. Maybe you are sensing my fear of avoiding the inevitable. I did begin this post with a purpose - right? Oh yes, my greatest mistakes. They are actually the same because I made the same mistake twice.

Twice I looked my husband in the eyes and said the words, I want a divorce. Twice I shattered the heart of not only my husband, but of our two children. There are reasons why those words were said, but the words were still said by me. I was the one who wanted to give up. I was the one wanting to break the vow I made to him.

"I, Beth, take you S, to be my husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do us part."

Not only did I ask for a divorce, but on my first request, I left with our children at my side. The second time I asked him to leave.

My husband sits next to me as I write this. He watches me type and eventually asks, "Is that it?"

I know deep in his heart the pain from my mistakes is still there. But my heart rejoices for how God extended His grace upon us. My heart rejoices for how God directed our paths and led us both to forgive.

Can I write about the grace of God? Oh yes my love!

"Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be." - Psalm 139:16

As you read this, you are reading a portion of God's story for my husband and me. His story included us still by each other's side, almost 23 year later, committed to our vows "to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do us part."

There were many days during these dark moments of our marriage that I would ask, God, are you there? The silence would leave me to believe He was not. I know now He was surely there. It's in those weak moments when we question His presence that He is drawing us closer. I believe the words he wanted me to hear were, "Keep seeking Me dear one. I am here."

And while a part of me may wish I never made these mistakes, God found a way to use them. He used them to save a marriage that needed saving. He used them to teach two people who both were in need of forgiveness, how to forgive.

Oh yes my love. I can write about the grace of God!






To my husband... I love you with all my heart.

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Linking with Kristen and Jolene

We say Thank You

I wonder sometimes if we realize how much those serving our country deserve to hear those simple two words... THANK YOU.

And yet, I must admit I can also be guilty of not going out of my way to say them. Every other Tuesday, I made my way to the USO to fulfill my shift and would have opportunity after opportunity to express to our traveling military how much they are appreciated.

Many times I did say "Thank You," but there were also times I went about my other USO duties and those two words went unsaid. The reality of that makes me sad. Was not my primary duty to say those words?

These brave men and women may say, "We are just doing our job." But you are doing so much more.

Some may not want the interruption. But all it takes is a brief eye connection as words are not always needed.

To those I did not properly acknowledge, can I tell you how much I do want to say Thank You? If you stumble upon this page, please know from the bottom of my heart, I say Thank You!

I hope and pray that the ones who really needed to hear those two words, that I did not let you go unnoticed. God, I pray that you prompted me to greet them with a warm smile and words that expressed how much they matter.

May we not let another hero pass through our sight without somehow letting them know the sacrifices they make matter. They matter.

May we not let another one of them believe otherwise and potentially add to the growing number of men and women we've lost because their pain went unnoticed.

There is desperation in my heart to share how deeply those two words are needed. Can you feel it? I so hope you do and that just maybe you won't let the next hero you see simply walk on by. And I say these words not only to you, but as a reminder to myself. My heart breaks when I realize how much I need to hear my own words.

But then God fills those broken places in my heart when I witness what it looks like when we do say Thank You.

This moment I witnessed can't fully be expressed through pictures. As I watched the children of my church walk through the doors with pillow cases they so lovingly decorated with their own hands, tears fell from my eyes. But these were tears of joy.

My Executive Pastor shared how this was a dream of mine. And it was. It was a dream come true to know our heroes will lay their head down at night knowing someone does care. They will know they are not forgotten.

I look closer at the pictures where you see the words Living Hope on the screen. Such a beautiful name God blessed our church with. And what did our church do on that day?

We were bringing hope to the men and women who so bravely serve our country.

We were bringing hope to them while serving in places where hope is so desperately needed.

We were saying...

While I won't be able to witness personally how these pillow cases make a difference in the life of those who receive, my trust is in God. God's blessing was placed on each and every one of the pillow cases and He will use them. Oh how I know He will use them.

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Linking with Kristen

A Living Story of Freedom

"Write, dear ones. Write your struggles and your victories. Write about the moments that you feel God speaking, and write through the moments when you don’t." Allume, A Call to Write

I'm in our nation's capital enjoying a weekend with my son and his wife. My son has been stationed here with the Navy for the past two years and this is my fifth visit here. I've grown rather fond of this place. To me it's a place that honors those that have served this country and made such great sacrifices.

As I Google how others would describe this place, words like majestic and inspiring are used. I'd use the word mesmerizing. I'm mesmerized by its history and how it captures the great sacrifices made for our country. But as it captures those sacrifices, it also brings life to a country that continually overcame.

I think of my daughter-in-law and her family who came here from Bulgaria. Coming to America was a dream come true for them. Do we Americans realize we are living the dream of so many others?

I read again the quote I shared above. I began this post with an unsure objective, but realize the words of the quote are what Washington, D.C. is to me. You can walk the streets of D.C. and read of America's struggles and victories. There are stops along the way where you can feel God's presence and others were you may wonder where God was.

And maybe that was what I felt God wanting me to do with this post..."Write, dear one. Share with others both the struggles and victories of a great country where whether or not you questioned my presence, I was surely there."

During my time here, I will spend a day at Arlington National Cemetery.

If there is ever a place that speaks to the sacrifices made for the freedoms we enjoy every day, this is it. The word mesmerizing accurately describes this place. At times it seems wrong that I'm so drawn here. As you walk the sections of the cemetery, you walk a nation's history of war. Final farewells are made here to hero's from Iraq and Afghanistan, as well as hero's from World War II, Korean conflict, Vietnam and the Cold War.

I can see how God's presence could be questioned as you walk through Arlington Cemetery. Where was He during a time such as the Vietnam War?

But God never promised to prevent the storms of life. He does promise to be with us through the storms. At a Hearts of Valor Ball, I witnessed how God saw this country through a time like Vietnam. As our Vietnam Veterans were asked to stand, they were given a proper welcome home tribute.

Our country did not crumble, we eventually rose. And we rise over and over again.

On the website for Arlington Cemetery they share their vision of being "America's premier military cemetery - A national shrine - A living history of freedom - Where dignity and honor rest in solemn repose." What rests on my heart are the words, "A living history of freedom."

Again, I find myself mesmerized. I'm mesmerized by the loss, but more than anything I'm mesmerized by how God breathes life into me when I am here. There are so many stories waiting to be told. There is something these heroes want to teach us...and that is to keep moving forward.

And I believe God is saying to me, "Write, dear one. Let your words speak to how their sacrifice changed you and your family. Write a living story of freedom and continue to share how we will overcome. Write to let others know that I was and will always be present."

As the one hymn goes, "Surely the presence of the Lord is in this place."

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The Power of Community

In an impromptu conversation with a new friend she shared about a time in her life when she truly felt she was in a place where everyone wrapped their arms around her with a loving embrace. We both expressed how we were finding that same kind of love at our church.

The warmth of this new friend gave me comfort in sharing with her at a deeper level. I shared how I previously avoided friendships. Her sincerity in wanting to understand why gave me the courage to continue to share my heart. I found peace in saying out loud the thoughts that haunted me for so long. "I never felt good enough or worthy of friendships and believed I had nothing to bring to a friendship."

Her response was one I will never forget. Without hesitation she said the words, "Today is the day to let go of that lie!"

Oh how I loved this new friend of mine. It was more about how she said the words than the words itself. I felt her loving embrace of truly caring enough to want to take that lie away from me. We hugged and went on our way, but I smiled over the new friendship God had placed in my life.

When Kristen of Chasing Blue Skies shared that this week's prompt was to write about a surprise friendship, I thought about my new friend. I then discovered the surprise friendship God gave me was not just this new friend, but the friendships of Living Hope Church (LHC). Through LHC, He taught me the power of belonging to a community and to no longer fear new friendships but embrace them.

From the very first day I dared to step out of my comfort zone and walk through the doors of LHC, God has been giving me new friendships. I'm blessed by these friendships, but I've also accepted that I too have a special gift to bring to these friendships. Friends, we all have a special gift according to the grace given to us in Christ (Romans 12:6). Your gift is needed in this world!

God created us to need Him, but He also created us to need each other. Without each other life becomes very lonely. I've lived in that loneliness so I know how true that is.

My eyes were opened to the power of community this past week as God awakened new friendships.

--A Friday evening with my small group. A group of individuals who I now do life with and can no longer imagine a time without them.

--An early morning over coffee with a woman from church who loves to make cards for our troops so I donated old crafting supplies to her. Our morning together was so much more than passing along old supplies.

--Dinner with another couple from LHC who welcomed us into their home and we simply had a wonderful evening of getting to know each other better.

--And again, this new friend who truly cared why I was so previously afraid of friendships.

As written in Matthew 18:20, "For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them.”



I could feel the presence of Jesus as I embraced these friendships.

While I've experienced hurt and rejection from friendships and choose escaping as a way to cope, I have discovered that when we open our heart to God He will heal us. And we can't be afraid to share how we've been hurt. Lelia Chealey writes in a recent post, There she sat, "Awareness brings opportunity to share the greatness of God. Be willing to be real with others and share your story and watch what God does with it."

Lelia goes on to share verse 6 from Philemon where Paul wrote, "I pray that you may be active in sharing your faith."

My prayer is that you don't hesitate to share your faith. Be real and share how God has transformed you. God may be waiting to use your story to bring a new friendship into your life.

Many blessings to you my dear friends!

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Linking with Kristen

An Answered Prayer

I was going to take a new approach in my writing and share my thoughts with you on the word BREATHE. (This does not replace my one word, Embrace.) I've seen several writers provide a "prompt" word for you to write about and you then come back and "link-up" with others. And this particular word keeps appearing throughout my days and I finally caught on that God was trying to send me a message.

As I was thinking of this word BREATHE, I was reminded of a difficult season in my life and how God used the brokenness of my family and created something beautiful. He not only answered a prayer, but He answered it in a rather unexpected way.

Let me first share that I'm a wife and a mother to two adult boys. My husband and I aren't quite empty nesters yet as our younger son is still living at home while attending college. But as our children approached adulthood I have to admit I was afraid of how this would change our marriage. When so much of your marriage is focused on raising your kids and all of the sudden they are grown and don't require every ounce of your attention how do you replace that time?

I realize many look forward to this new freedom, but it scared me.

As is the case with any marriage (because none of us have a perfect marriage), my husband and I have had our share of ups and downs. Some of the downs were significant and came close to ending our marriage. When I look back I realize it was easier to devote all my attention to my children rather than trying to improve my relationship with my husband.

My husband and our oldest son also had a difficult relationship. They are two very alike individuals which made for many battles. I think our youngest son was doing his best to simply go unnoticed midst the chaos.

There was a season of desperation in our home. Something needed to change. Peace was needed in our hearts and with each other. We each had a longing for wanting to be loved unconditionally and without that feeling we were dying inside.

Many times it takes hitting rock bottom before we turn to God for help.

I was not a follower of Christ during this time so I can't even say my prayer was a formal prayer, but I do know in my desperation there was a prayer on in my heart.

Oh how God then answered my prayer.

If you would have approached me several years ago and asked how I would feel about being a military family, I would have responded quite adamantly that a military family we would never be. I have always had full respect for those that choose to serve our country, but it was not an option for my family.

God had a very different plan for us.

I soon found myself watching my husband become a Soldier at the age of 42 and shortly after watching our oldest son become a Sailor. Out of the blue we were a military family.

You may wonder how becoming a military family answer my prayer. My only response is that God used this to draw us closer to Him. As we navigated this new lifestyle we discovered how much we needed Him, and how much we needed each other.

God gave to my husband and I in so many ways. But more than anything He taught us how healing can be found when we give. My husband gives in his service to our country. I dedicate my time to supporting those that serve, their families and remembering those that made the ultimate sacrifice.

While I was afraid of this next stage of our marriage, God used that fear to build our faith in Him. During the time my husband was away completing his training with the Army we both found our way back to church...we found Christ. In Him we have learned that we are loved unconditionally and how His perfect love cast out fear. I no longer fear how my husband and I will fill our time without a focus on our children, but I treasure every moment we have together.

As for our children... it began with God bringing peace to the hearts of my husband and I. Through Him we were made new and that transformation has strengthened our relationship with our children and taught us how to simply love them. Peace now resides in all our hearts and our home.

What does the word BREATHE have to do with my story? Well...changes lie ahead for my husband and I with his first deployment scheduled for later this year. God has been whispering to me to simply breathe and trust Him.

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. - Jeremiah 29:11

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Linking with Kristen