Three Word Wednesday: Love is kind



Last week I shared with you my decision to blog my way through the book The Love Dare. The book takes you through a 40-day challenge to love your spouse with God’s kind of love. The first dare focused on how love is patient. I love how the book does not simply forget about the first dare when you move on to the next one. You’re not off the hook on being patient with your spouse.

The second chapter starts by saying, “If patience is how love reacts in order minimize a negative circumstance, kindness is how love acts to maximize a positive circumstance.” We need both patience and kindness to love. “Patience avoids the problem; kindness creates a blessing.”

Love Dare #2: In addition to saying nothing negative to your spouse again today, do at least one unexpected gesture as an act of kindness.

Unexpected acts of kindness were a piece of cake. I mailed him a card, sent him an email just because, and provided him with a few new snapshots of my adorable face. ~~smiling~~ I even told him how much I appreciated everything he still took care of even though he is on other side of the world. When he received news contrary to what he expected, I responded with encouragement.

But when he dished out a few more responsibilities, I had to bite my tongue before I snapped again.

Kindness came easily until he wanted me to do something I had less interest in doing. A little bit selfish I’d say.

Let me be honest on where my selfishness stems from: Jealousy. Believe it or not, I’m jealous of my husband . . . the one serving our country in harm’s way. It became easier to admit my jealousy after a milspouse friend admitted the same. “I was actually jealous that my husband had downtime,” Jana said. She resented the fact that responsibility of the home completely fell on her and her husband had time to read and workout.

Hello!?!? Me too!

My husband does not read but the 30 pounds he has lost gives reason to believe he has extra time to work out. I also know his evenings typically end with time for a TV show or a movie.

This chapter of the Love Dare says there are four basic core ingredients of kindness: initiative, gentleness, helpfulness and willingness.

To provide an example of these four core ingredients, the book refers to the parable of the Good Samaritan in Luke, chapter 10:25-37.

The Jews and Samaritans had a deep hatred towards each other yet the Samaritan was the only one who stopped and responded with love. “Taking the initiative, this man demonstrated true kindness in every way. Gently. Helpfully. Willingly” (Love Dare, pg. 6)

If enemies can do it, shouldn't I be able to do the same towards my husband?

Initiative. The new responsibilities my husband dished out this week could have been avoided if I would have taken the initiative to try and resolve them before even bringing the matters to his attention. I need to see the need and make a move first.

Gentleness. When he talks about his down time, I need to be sensitive and remember he would much rather be home with his family.  My friend Jana shared from her experience: “Being able to comprehend how lonely he was helped me to act with more kindness towards him and be more compassionate in our interactions.” I’d much rather show my husband tenderness by being grateful for the opportunities he has to decompress considering the job he has volunteered to do.

Helpfulness. The book suggests providing a listening ear. With my husband on the other end of the world, giving him my full attention when he calls is probably the most helpful thing I can do for him.

Willingness. Instead of being stubborn when he tries to help with a matter, I need to look for creative ways for him to still contribute. I’m reminded of how it’s equally hard on him to be away and to know he has had to place additional responsibilities on me.

What discoveries about love did I make this past week?

I realized a heart check was needed before continuing on with this Love Dare. I don’t want to simply go through the motions and not have a lasting impact. My heart needs to be in the right place. And the right place is? It needs to be all about Jesus. It needs to be about wanting to know Him better and learning what it means to follow Him. He is my motivation to choose love.

And His kind of love never fails. It always wins. ALWAYS.


Dare #1: Love is patient
Dare #2: Love is kind

Next week: Love is not selfish

Three Word Wednesday: Love Dare Challenge

I've reached the half-way point of my husband’s deployment. If I'm really honest, this deployment is beginning to wear on me. How could we only be half-way?

Murphy's Law has been prevalent in my home. If it can break, it breaks. It began with a broken bone in my foot. From there I've had to repair all three of our cars, replace an oven twice, replace a vacuum cleaner twice and call a plumber. And let’s not forget the horrible winter we had. When I returned home one evening last week and the door from the garage to the house would not shut I looked up shaking my head at God saying, “Enough is enough!” Obviously, He is not to blame.

My patience has begun to run thin.

So when my husband asked me, for what I perceived as far too many times, if I had called our village forestry department yet about the new tree they are to plant in our yard to replace one of the ash trees cut down as a result of the Emerald Ash Borer, I snapped. “It’s not like I’m sitting around doing nothing.”

Deep Sigh.

Our conversation did not end on a high note. The tension was sensed. Actually, there has been tension our past few conversations. I've begun to get angry with the army for taking my husband away from home. I'm being selfish and it comes out with my anger pointed toward my husband instead.

I hate admitting my selfishness.  I'd like to say he's the one being selfish. My husband serves our country on the other end of the world to defend our freedoms and I’m calling him selfish? Even if he had been selfish, I must first take a look at my own selfishness (Matthew 7:3-5).

We hung up the phone and it didn't take long for satan to do what he does . . . enter guilt and condemnation.

I've had enough of him. He will not win. Instead, I’m putting love in action. I downloaded a copy of the book The Love Dare for my Kindle. There happens to also be a Love Dare devotional to help military families stay connected during deployments. I’m armed and ready for a Love Dare Challenge.

Day 1 (of a 40-day Love Dare Challenge) is ironically titled Love is patient.

I read the day’s devotional and came to the words, “Anger is usually caused when the strong desire for something is mixed with disappointment or grief." I want my husband to return home now. I know he cannot which disappoints me and makes me sad. “You don’t get what you want and you start heating up inside. It is often an emotional reaction that flows out of our own selfishness, foolishness, or evil motives.” I’m angry. And I've been selfish.

Anger and selfishness are sins. Jesus does not condemn me for my sins but He does say, “Go and sin no more” (John 8:11). I have a choice. I can continue to be angry and selfish or I can choose love instead.

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” ~ 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

I purchased a Life Application Study Bible recently to help me dive into scripture. For 1 Corinthians 13:4 it says, “Much irritability comes from a love of perfection, a deep desire that programs, meetings, and structures [everything] be run perfectly.” I desire for things to stop breaking. It would also be desirable for my husband to be more sensitive to my growing list of new responsibilities. I'm reminded of how perfection only exists in God. I need to love my husband, not my vision of perfection.

My study Bible goes on to say for 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, “God’s kind of love is directed outward toward others, not inward toward ourselves. It is utterly unselfish.”

I want to love my husband with God’s kind of love. I want to be a patient wife. “Patience is where love meets wisdom.” (Love Dare, pg. 1)

Love Dare #1: Here is today’s dare during deployment: In email, phone, or letter—do not say or write anything critical or negative. Even if you are on the receiving end of a verbal attack, choose to be quiet.

I had one item to take care of first. That tree issue I mentioned has now been resolved.

Since the day I snapped at my husband I've been intentional to not write or say anything critical or negative, even if temptation aroused, because patience “gives you the amazing ability to hold on during the tough times in your relationship rather than bailing out under the pressure” (The Love Dare – pg. 2). Trust me, tough times come along with deployments . . . I’m not bailing though.

Lesson learned: I need to do the Love Dare Challenge without expectations of something in return. Not that my husband doesn't love me back. But I was reminded of how God’s kind of love requires nothing in return. We cannot do anything to make Him love us less or more than He already does.

I've decided to blog my way through the Love Dare Challenge (more like a journey). Since it’s a 40-day challenge this could be a 40-week series. We shall see. Maybe I will get creative along the way to shorten. I'm in no hurry. Are you? ~~smiling~~

Next week: Love is kind.