Forget Less; Remember More

I have a long sleeve shirt I purchased early on in our new to military life way of living. I do not recall where I purchased the shirt other than to say it was an online military faith-based site.

On the front of the shirt it reads, "Not even the military can mess with God’s plans."

The shirt has hardly been worn (maybe once or twice) but I threw it on one Thursday evening shortly before my husband returned home for a long weekend (Memorial Day Weekend). Because he tends to be rather observant, it did not take him long to ask about the shirt.

“Is that really in the Bible?”

Confused by his question, I looked down at the front of my shirt to read the quote again. I then noticed a scripture reference under the quote… Jeremiah 29:11

I, of course, went to the Bible to compare the quote to the verse it referenced. While not in those exact words, the Bible does indeed say not even the military can mess with God's plans. Nothing can mess with His plans.

“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11

The smile on my face became more profound as I chuckled over God connecting the quote and verse for I have been guilty of frustration with God over the change in plans to my husband's second deployment. I have referred to the change as the no plan, plan.

As much as the nine months apart from my husband for his first deployment made me weary, God used the time apart to grow us both spiritually and as a couple. While I did not expect the second deployment to be completely similar to the first, deep down I had a longing for God to do the same work in us again.

New growth quickly revealed itself the second time around.

My husband connected to a church and a men's Bible study once arriving at what would be his home for nine months. He was in God’s word. These were answers to long awaited prayer requests. And our conversations via Skype were some of the best we've had.

Thank you, God. I can do this again if you will do your thing again.

Then plans abruptly changed.

Certainly I had much joy and peace in my heart to have my husband stateside; however I perceived the changes as God taking away answers to prayer.

My husband was no longer attending a weekly church service.
He was no longer connected to a men’s Bible study.
He was no longer spending time in God’s word.
Skype connections were not good which left us both frustrated.

Why, God? You asked him to go and we obeyed. Where is the blessing for our obedience?

But God, His ways are not our ways. His plans are always perfect and they come to fruition in His perfect timing.

I have created my own new go-to quote: "May I forget less and remember more that God will show Himself faithful."

Friends, like those Israelites, I forgot and I did my fair share of grumbling for things not going the way we planned for them to go. Let's consider for a moment if plans had gone the way we had planned, or let's say the way the military had led us to plan for...

This picture I now have of my family together again (together for an outdoor church service too!) would not exist for we would still be waiting for my husband to return home.

My husband eventually connected with a church too. And I know I can trust God with the other things. Thankfully, my husband is now home and we don’t need to fret about Skype connections!

I prayed for God to do again what He did in us and through us during my husband's first deployment. I thought my prayer went unanswered.

But God did answer. The ways He did it again may look different, yet the end result is the same... all praise and glory to our God. For all we've been given, all the together moments, all the growth, is only because of Him.

"I will praise you, Lord my God, with all my heart; I will glorify your name forever." Psalm 86:12

Yes, friends, not even the military can mess with God’s plans! Praise God! He is good ALWAYS!

May we forgot less and remember more that He will show Himself faithful.

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Sharing with AWN’s Monthly Recon Rendezvous Link-Up Party, Jennifer Dukes Lee for her Tell His Story Link-Up and the Let Us Walk Worthy Link-Up.

He Loves Perfectly

Several posts ago, the one on twirling, I mentioned I had attended an IF:LOCAL gathering. Then I briefly told you of a long-time desire to gather women around my table. I told you I intended to stop talking and instead “trust God and move.” I also said if you did not see a post on this gathering by the end of March it meant I needed encouragement in the bravery department.

It is almost the end of March…

I gave deep thought to what to call this gathering of women (a catchy name is a must), and who to invite. A part of me loved the idea of posting an open invitation on Facebook to local friends. Typical to my nature, I questioned the idea. Various discussion ideas played out in my head. Mainly, I knew I had to trust God with the details by letting go of control and any expectations I had for this gathering.

Truth be told, I lost bravery quickly and did nothing.

Then a dear friend who had joined me at the IF:LOCAL sent me a text to tell me of the step of faith she had taken. In her text she included a copy of the invitation she would soon send to those invited to gather at her table.

My initial reaction: JEALOUSY!

My next reaction (because let us not park long on jealousy.): Be brave, Beth. If God has placed this desire on your heart He also asks you to step out in faith.

So I got brave and designed an invitation with the help of Paperless Post.

The catchy name was going to be "A Table of Hope Builders"

Then I lost bravery again when it came time to add the names of those on my heart to invite. The enemy gained a foothold on my thoughts.

What makes you think anyone wants to gather around your table?
No one will show up.
Don't press that send button, Beth. 

Enter, deep sigh.

I had not fully given up on the idea. I have been in God's Word long enough to know lies versus truth. And I so want to be finished with believing lies.

It sure felt like God was closing the door on this gathering though.

A whirlwind of changes began when my husband returned to the states much sooner than planned due to medical issues. Rightfully so, all other plans came to a halt. The gathering of women around my table would need to wait, or maybe my heart's desire (my prayer) was to go unanswered.

On the other hand, God often answers our prayers differently from what we specifically pray for, giving us the opportunity to see Him in a new way

 "God takes something little--a small request--and replaces it with a much bigger answer." ~ Kelly O'Dell Stanley, Praying Upside Down

This past Saturday, the Saturday I had intended to gather women around my table, without an official invite extended, two ladies at two different times joined me at my table. As I hugged and said good-bye to the second lady I had a moment of sudden realization. God had answered my prayer.

Maybe He did not answer with what we might call a much bigger answer, but the right answer. Because God’s ways are always right; they are abundantly above all that can we ask or think (Ephesians 3:20).

God answered another prayer too.

Since the day my husband departed for his second deployment I had asked God to make our time apart go quickly. Please God, make this time of separation not feel like forever for there are days when it feels like forever until I will see him again.

He replaced my small request with a much bigger answer. I may not fully understand why He answered this way but as I have said previously, the why does not matter. And God did not cause my husband's injury to bring him home sooner; He allowed and used a circumstance to accomplish what He had always intended… an earlier reunion for two people who obediently said yes to His calling (another deployment) but also longed to be together again.

As I navigate a season of change and uncertainty, God reminded me of a truth I desperately need to cling to: God can be trusted to love perfectly. “God's way is perfect. All the LORD's promises prove true” (Psalm 18:30).

So in the midst of this somewhat difficult season, I will praise Him. For when we belong to Him we will always find Him to be Faithful and True (BSF notes). He alone gives us joy today and forever.

It is well with my soul…

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A Blessed Reunion

My husband's first homecoming, after a nine month deployment, came with much pomp and circumstance. {Preview here}

This homecoming came with a quiet, thankfully uneventful, seven hour drive to Kentucky, a big ol' smile directed to the security guard (because I was rather joyful over my arrival) as I crossed through the military base gate, a last minute "oh my goodness" moment when I realized I had no makeup on (even though hubs could care less about makeup) and then a look out the front window of the car to see my husband walk toward me.

There was no fanfare; there was just the two of us.

He warned me ahead of time not to jump on him. You see, the different kind of homecoming came because he returned home early due to medical issues that arose while deployed.

I ran to him with a squeal of excitement. Per his request not to jump on him, I instead hugged him gently. He still squirmed from bursts of pain. Then we walked hand and hand, smile to smile, to pack him up for our weekend retreat.

He may look fine in pictures and to passer-byers, yet this warrior of mine is not fine. Several herniated discs in his neck have him in constant discomfort. I saw the level of discomfort rather quickly during our hour drive to Shelter Point Retreat on Kentucky Lake in Murray, Kentucky. Oh my poor husband. He couldn't get out of the car quick enough.

But here at this lovely home of a dear friend through blogging, we celebrated our reunion. 

The why did it happen this way and what happens next did not matter. God perfectly designed our reunion in His perfect timing.

****

I have noticed my ability to compare. I compare myself to others way more than I would like to admit and I also compare my own experiences to each other. I have done much comparing of this homecoming to the last one. Both types of comparisons can steal your joy.

Maybe the comparison of homecomings happens because I believe a service member’s homecoming should be what my husband received when he returned home from his first deployment. That homecoming lived up to my expectations; it exceeded my expectations.

And maybe, more so likely, God seeks to teach what I should already know: it's not about us and our expectations... it's about Him.

It's always about Him.

God determined when and how my husband would return home from his first deployment and his second deployment. He determined one would have fanfare and one would be more intimate. Both equally appropriate and beautiful because God had returned my husband to U.S soil, into my arms and then gave us precious moments together. “To God be the glory forever and ever! Amen.”

As I reflect on the last few days with the man I love, there is no place for comparison. I only have room for gratitude.

Gratitude to God for my husband’s safe return home.

Gratitude to God for the time we had together.

Gratitude to God for the special lady He placed in my life who gave us a most wonderful gift: A warm and loving place of shelter. A place of shelter which ultimately pointed me back to the One who is our shelter and provides everything we need.

The name Shelter Point Retreat is a rather appropriate name for her gem of a home on the lake.

If you are in need of a getaway, I highly recommend you check out my friend's place. Visit the VRBO listing here and the Facebook page here. Kristin also writes about her retreat home here. It's more lovely than I could describe or show through photos.

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The Unchanging One

I must admit, I remain unsure of God's desire for me when it comes to writing. It stays low on my priority list. Maybe I expect the process and results to be similar to what it once was. Maybe God seeks to teach me to simply trust in Him.

So I write when I sense He's prompting me to write. If time between posts become days, weeks or months, all will be well. If readership plummets from inconsistency (or the other things which can positively impact readership) all will be well. If grammar and punctuation are downright awful, all will be well. It needs to be because I'm done with the fight to be something or someone I am not.

Just write and trust Me. Honestly, the writing part can be harder than the trust part. I do not know where to begin with the writing. I know Him, at least better than I once did, and I know He can be trusted.

Now, if we sat together over coffee I would likely ramble on and on. Our time together might come to an end with me wondering if I allowed adequate time for you to spill your guts out too. I dislike the thought that I may have made it all about me. I want to hear from you too… I really do. Please God, whatever I said, may it have pointed to You.

I have much to tell you. God continues to transform me in mighty ways. Discover could be my one word for 2016, if I were to choose a word. I discover new truths about myself and also about God. The truths about me are not easy to accept yet necessary.

The truths about God... Oh may we not be done uncovering more truths about God until the day He brings us home and reveals all the mysteries.

I see God in all things. I hope I point to God in all things. Like when I admit to a heart struggle, I hope you know my faith remains grounded in who He is and His promises. There are admittedly days when I am shaken. But when those days come, I know where to go: Gods Word, prayer and godly friends.

I wrote the first part of this post several weeks ago and I now chuckle over the title I chose. Only God could know how much the truth of how He's unchanging would be needed right now. Because truthfully, friends, I struggle lately with change. And I struggle with good change, which seems so crazy.

For reasons, I have said little about my husband's deployment in this space. However, if we are friends on Facebook you may have caught wind of news that my husband is back in the states. This happened much sooner than planned. I obviously prefer his boots be planted on U.S. soil rather than foreign, unsafe soil.

But this is a change from laid out plans and I often do not handle change well.

The previous plan: I would see him again September-ish. I did not love this plan but I had accepted it and fallen into somewhat of a routine.

The new plan: there is no plan. He's not home and I don't know when he will be home. He's back due to medical issues (not life threatening but significant enough for the mission to end early for him.) and we do not have answers on how the medical issues will be addressed.

He's been back for several days and now resides only 7 hours away from me (we are actually in the same time zone) but we wait for our chance to see each other. I'd love for it to be easy to pack up and go, but it's not.

[Thankfully we now have a plan in place to see each other soon.]

His unplanned return impacts other plans too. Please don't hear me wrong, this is not a complaint; just truth.

Bottom line: the changes, the unknown and the waiting have shaken me some.

The truths I cling to are:

“Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.” Hebrews 13:8 (NIV)

"Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows." James 1:17 (NIV)

"The grass withers, and the flowers fade, but the word of our God endures forever." Isaiah 40:8 (NIV)

"The Lord's plans stand firm forever; His intentions can never be shaken." Psalm 33:11 (NLT)

It is well with my soul, friends. It really, really is. But it is well with my soul only because of who He is and because I am His. No matter the changes, unknowns or time of waiting, that truth is enough for me.

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Scattering of Love :: Batch 5 [Cultivate a Thriving Marriage]

Ever since my husband returned home from his ten month deployment we have taken advantage of the opportunity God has given us to refresh our marriage.

With a conscious attempt to cultivate a thriving marriage, I have found many resources to assist us.

I highly recommend the book You and Me Forever by Francis and Lisa Chan. It will give you a new outlook on marriage and your relationship with God. The seven videos Francis and Lisa created to go along with the book will challenge you in mighty ways. You can even download a PDF of the book for FREE here. If you can afford to purchase a copy 100% of the net proceeds go towards various ministries.

My husband is not much of a reader but every two or three days we watch one of the videos together. As for me . . . my Kindle format of the book has become very colorful.

With my husband's deployment (thankfully now over), he is required to attend several Yellow Ribbon events. The events are held pre-deployment and post-deployment. The spouse is encouraged to attend too. At these events, educational sessions and resources are provided to help the service member and family through each phase of a deployment.

We attended our first post-deployment Yellow Ribbon event this past weekend. (I am much happier to be in the post-deployment phase.)

One of the break-out sessions was called “Making Relationships Work.” The session was based off of the book The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work written by John Gottman. In the book Gottman speaks to how positive relationships invest an extra five hours each week in their marriages. He refers to this as the “Magic Five Hours.”

Hubs and I are trying out Gottman’s approach and so far it has proven to add some fun to our days. I thought I would take a moment to share how you too can work the “magic five hours” into your marriage or relationship.

1) Try a six-second kiss at the beginning of the day and learn something interesting about your spouse (Math: 2 minutes x 5 days = 10 minutes)

2) Give another six-second kiss at the end of the day and have a conversation about your day. (Math: 20 minutes x 5 days = 1 hour and 40 minutes)

3) Find ways to compliment your spouse (i.e. use "I admire" or "I appreciate" statements). (Math: 5 minutes x 7 days = 35 minutes)

4) Show physical affection for your spouse, whatever you define this to be, and learn your partner's love language. (Math: 5 minutes x 7 days = 35 minutes)

5)  Set a date night once a week to connect, dream, plan and enjoy each other's company. (Math: 2 hours per week)

These small things can allow for significant changes and growth in your marriage. Why not give them a try? Oh my goodness, holding a kiss for six seconds is pure delight!

Note: I have not read the book by Gottman so this is simply me passing along wisdom from the seminar we attended.

They best way to cultivate a thriving marriage . . . read the Bible together. You could even use Bible Gateway to have a narrator read to you. These ten minutes with my husband every morning (almost every morning) have become my favorite time of the day.

What ways do you cultivate a thriving marriage?

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His love and grace compels me

Every time my eldest son sends me an email he ends with three words: LOVE YOU MOM. He types them in capital letters while everything else remains as you would expect. He makes it stand out. Oh, how they do stand out. I love those three words. With him on the other end of the world in enemy territory they are even more meaningful to me.

On Sunday morning I woke to an email from him. He stated they went a few days without Internet due their ship’s support of a particular mission.

Words I am not fond of are “in support of a mission.”

My son remains on his ship when these “missions” take place but his use of the word serves as a reality check of where he is and what and who he stands ready to protect and defend: America. You. Me.

The knowledge leaves me speechless. If I pause too long in these thoughts it brings me to tears. It’s different to experience a deployment as a mother verses as a wife. But the same promises God spoke to me during my husband’s deployment are the same ones God speaks to me now.

“So do not fear, for I am with you;
    do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
    I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”
Isaiah 41:10

Fear diminishes with the knowledge that the same God here with me also watches over my son.

My son does not know Jesus. At least not the way Jesus wants him to know Him. The more I pursue Christ and allow Him to transform me, the more Christ will be seen in me. If I continue to seek Him and live a life which reflects Him, I believe my son will come to know Him through me.

This compels me.
No, wait. God’s love and grace compels me.

It compels me to seek Him first and to seek Him often.
It compels me to pray for both of our children without ceasing.
It compels me to never let go of hope.

If not through me, God will use another. God knows the desire of my heart (Psalm 37:4).

How can I be sure our children will come to know Him?

He wants us all to know Him.

So I can approach Him confidently knowing what I ask for pleases Him. And I know He hears my prayers. (1 John 5:14).

I believe.
I trust.
I hold on to hope.

I seek Him with all my heart. Before God can use me, He must first have my heart, my whole heart.

“You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.” Jeremiah 29:13

As I grow in knowledge and wisdom of who He is and reflect on all He has done for me, it compels me to obey his commands. Not because I am under the law but because His grace compels me.

When His word tells me I am to have no other god’s before Him and I realize I still have this one god, this love idol, I am compelled to let go. I have held on to this love idol for far too long. My worth is not found in the number on a scale. God, the one and only God, wants so much more for me and for you too.

 “But I lavish unfailing love for a thousand generations on those who love me and obey my commands.” Exodus 20:6

I choose Him and His unfailing love.

I will throw off anything that hinders my relationship with Him (Hebrews 12:1) and I will give Him my whole heart. I pray for Him to continue to change me so I may reflect His glory, just as He intends, to lead others – especially my children – to Him.

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Navigating to a New Normal {Day 16-19: #write31days}

"You need to know there may be things I do not share with you while I am in Afghanistan."

That is what my husband said to me shortly before he left on his deployment. I expressed my dislike for his statement. I am your wife. We do not keep secrets from one another. How do I pray for you if you do not share both the ups and downs of your deployment?

His reason for not wanting to tell me the not so good happenings that came with having his feet on foreign soil in a war zone was to prevent unnecessary worry on my part. He would ask, “What purpose would it serve to tell you?” I realized it was time for me to trust my husband in the decisions he made to lead us through our time apart. God would let me know how to pray for him.

With my husband now home he's willing to share his experiences. He has pictures and videos to help him tell stories of what became his normal for nine months.

Some of his stories make me even prouder of him, some make me laugh, some he shared while away and some make me glad he waited until he was home to share.

His normal during that time included things like:

• Sleeping in thirteen different beds (not much of a normal)



• A weapon by his side 24/7



• Instead of commercial planes flying over his head he had A-10 Warthogs, F-16’s and Apache, Chinook and Black Hawk helicopters.



• Working with interpreters, bomb sniffing dogs and their handlers, and Afghan drivers



• Announcements over a loud speaker that said, "Incoming, Incoming" which were followed by sprints to the nearest bunker because incoming meant there was a rocket attack

His normal included showing respect to those we could consider to be our enemy. When greeted by an Afghan they would say to him, "As-salamu alaykum." This translates to “peace be upon you.” My husband respectfully followed with the standard response to such greeting by saying, “Wa alaykumu s-alam.”

He also had a brotherhood with his fellow soldier most of us will never fully understand. Even he would have a hard time describing it other than to say you just know they've got your back.

There are moments when my husband misses Afghanistan. Of course he is happy to be home but his home for nine months was also there.

In this changing world we live in, finding a normal does not come with ease. What is normal anyways? We find gratitude in knowing our God is unchanging. He is our constant. As my husband's wife, he should also be able to rely on me being a constant source of comfort. My love for him should be unchanging; not wavering with the change of seasons.

I reflect back to Day 11 of The Love Dare book: Love cherishes [see my Love Dare journey]

"Marriage is a beautiful mystery created by God, joining two lives together as one" (The Love Dare, pg. 51). What one of us experiences also affects the other because our lives are now interwoven together. I am challenged by this after spending ten months apart from my husband. It can be difficult for me to understand how he could miss the life he lived in Afghanistan. It seems reasonable to want him to leave that season behind.

Reading Day 11 again reminds me of the need to bring warmth to my husband’s days. This comes with a willingness to embrace all the parts of his story as part of our story. I treasure every part of Him as a priceless gift. And I treat him with respect and tenderness as he navigates from one season to the next.

Which means when he returned home with a new normal behavior of going to bed with a hat on, I embrace it as part of our normal. For love does not allow the other to feel foolish or embarrassed. Love should always nourish and cherish.

That is why we do this navigating together. But the more I talk about navigating to a new normal I come to the realization again and again that the normal we seek is God being greater in our lives. Because what else in this life besides God can we count on to remain the same? If we allow God to take first place in our lives and hearts we can learn to love each other with an unchanging, unconditional, love. With His help we can have a love for one another that never changes.

So we turn our eyes and hearts to God. We ask Him to show us the way. As my friend Lori writes in her latest post, He will show us the most excellent way.

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This post is part of a 31 day series on navigating to a new normal. I am spending time away with my husband which is why Day 16-19 are included in one post. To read all of the posts in this series, click here.

The Promised Land {Day 7: #write31days}

I spent too much time yesterday experiencing doubt over what I shared with you for Day 6 of my #write31days series. Maybe I am over thinking the fewer likes. Maybe my struggle is not trusting God with the words He places on my heart to share. In any case, I am giving Day 7 to you through a blog post because…well because God said so.

Day 6 was an attempt to share how a sermon and a particular moment within the sermon seemed to impact my husband and me. But it’s so much more than one moment that has impacted us.

The real struggle is not my trust in God. I struggle to express how much I am in awe of God.

In a recent post I wrote for Outside the City Gate I said God gave me new words. A new beginning. My words previously included words of help me overcome my unbelief (Mark 9:24) They are now words of– I believe. I have witnessed His greatness and faithfulness. I have seen firsthand how God fulfills what He promises. He does provide a way to a land flowing with milk and honey just like He did for the Israelites.

The way comes with twists and turns. The way comes with much waiting. The way comes with what may seem like years in the wilderness. But with God our story never ends in disappointment.

God keeps His promise to deliver us. He has delivered us. The battle has already been won. Yet, we each remain on a journey to our promised land.

He has given me a glimpse of my promised land.

I do not say that lightly for I am fully aware of the other gods (love idols) who have had a place in my heart over Him. These gods which have kept me from believing His promises. And there is so much more for me to learn from His word. There is always more.

As I seek to know Him better those idols begin to lose their grip on me.

He has revealed Himself to me—to my husband and me—over the past four years while performing a transformation in our marriage. We were once without Him and without hope for better. But God provided a way. And He continues to lead us toward better . . . toward our promised land.

I may never fully understand why He chose the military as our way out. Does understanding why even matter? But God has given us another chance for a new beginning. My husband’s return home after ten months serving our country has given us an opportunity to establish a new normal.

Maybe the new normal I speak of is learning to see one another through God’s eyes. It’s not necessarily a change in ALL things but a change in seeing ALL things differently.

To see one another differently.
To respond differently.
To love differently.
To live differently.

By seeing, responding, loving and living differently He gives us the glimpse of our promised land. And it is a land flowing with milk and honey because it’s a land created for us and by God. It’s a land created for us and by God out of His love for us.

I get tongue-tied in my attempts to express how God is showing up and revealing Himself. And I get tongue-tied in my attempts to express how He has taken my marriage from once ready to unravel to one with renewed hopes of being extraordinary. Not a perfect marriage but one built on the foundation of God’s love.

Friends, I have become undone. I am undone because of His great love for me, for my husband and for our marriage. I am undone because of His unending love. A love He freely gives when we make the choice to believe.

I believe.
We believe. 
How great is our God!

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This post is part of a 31 day series on navigating to a new normal. To read all of the posts in this series, click here.

[Image source: Unsplash]

He's Home!

My husband . . . my hero . . . returned home Saturday evening! 

Thank you, friends, for all your love, encouragement and prayers these past ten months. We could not have done this without you. Our hearts rejoice for God is good ALWAYS! 

"Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!" Philippians 4:4

We are blown away by the video our Executive Pastor created to document the homecoming. I cannot watch without tears flowing. Please don't leave without watching. It's a joy to share with you.

"How great is our God – sing with me

How great is our God – and all will see

How great, how great is our God."

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Because it has been a while and I love this community, I am sharing this post with Barbie for The Weekend Brew.

Three Word Wednesday: A Thanks-GIVING Homecoming {Guest Post}

I am delighted to have my milspouse friend, Lori Dunham, share with you today. As I prepare for my husband's return home her message brings needed encouragement. But even if you are non-military, you will find encouragement in her words.

Thank you, friends, for giving Lori a warm welcome.

My heart pounds hard inside my chest as I sit in traffic. My fingers tap frantically against the steering wheel as Blue’s Clues entertains my children in the back seat.

Tears spring to my eyes as I anticipate my hard work unraveling. Because I have prepared hard and well for this day. I have spent countless hours cleaning and reorganizing every drawer and shelf in my house. I have redecorated the living room, and replaced the worn out towels and sheets with plush, high-thread count luxuries. I have washed and serviced my husband’s car and prepared his most favorite foods.

In the last seven months I have potty trained a toddler and gotten a baby to sleep through the night; I have house trained a puppy and fixed the garbage disposal, all on my own.

But I forgot about Norfolk traffic and it threatens to destroy what I had hoped would be the best Homecoming any military family could ever experience.

Finally, the traffic opens up and I rush through the gate. I grab the baby out of her car seat and enlist my son to open the stroller. My toddler grabs the hem of my coat as we race towards the crowd to find a spot in front of the row of bikers holding American flags.

I am hot and sweaty, my hair is a mess, and my baby needs a diaper change. And I come undone!!! Like a teakettle ready to boil over, the stress of the last seven months seeps out in the form of tears.

I cry as I watch the new dad’s get off first, grasping hold of their babies for the first time.

I cry as Sailors pour off the ship in search of their loved ones, and once finding them, hugging long and hard.

And it feels like forever, to spot him. He looks thinner than I remember and sharp in his crisp uniform. He grabs us all up in one big hug and I am overcome with the sameness and differences in him all at once.

I cry in to his shoulder, leaving mascara marks on his uniform that will take numerous dry cleaning trips to remove. I cry for all the moments over the last seven months that I wanted to cry on his shoulder but couldn't.

I cry happy tears for his safe return home; I cry sad tears for key moments he missed; and I cry tears of relief, knowing I no longer have to do it all alone.

And so begins our not-so-perfect homecoming!!!

We military families dream big when it comes to welcoming our Service Member home. We spend months counting down and dreaming about this day. So it is with great expectation and high hopes that we welcome them home!

But it is not always as we expected. 

It seems the military is very concerned with preparing the family for the deployment, but there are not many resources for guiding us through the re-integration process. Sure, we are aware of the signs of PTSD and depression, but how do we work through our child’s anger issues directed toward the returning parent?  How do we readjust to sharing life (and the remote control) with our partner?  

Stress fills our home before we get his sea bag unpacked.

It is in stress moments like these, whether military or non-military, that defines us as a family and as followers of Christ.  

Do we allow ourselves to be swept up in the disappointment when he doesn't notice the changes to the house, or the fact that we cut our hair? Or do we look to the bigger picture and focus on the important things? Because, let’s face it. He really doesn't care about the curtains and the fact that his car is sparkling in the driveway. (although they are nice gestures). He cares most about YOU!!!

There is a danger in focusing heavily on preparing our homes, if we neglect our hearts in the process. If we are lulled in to a belief that all that is wrong with our world will dissipate with the arrival of our spouse….we will be very disappointed. If we allow ourselves to believe that there will be no growing pains as he re-enters our daily life, often throwing off our rhythm and routine, frustration will fill our homes.

Instead, it is through giving thanks that we can genuinely experience a refreshing reunion.  

Set out to intentionally make your homecoming one of great thanks!!! Thank the Lord as a family for your spouse’s safe return; thank Him for the extra laundry your husband brings home, and that towel thrown haphazardly on the bathroom floor. Thank Him for the time apart to genuinely appreciate the man you have married; thank Him for anything you can think to thank Him for. Because this will set your focus on the truly important things in this life (and homecoming)!!!! 

Ephesians 5:20 “always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.

1 Chronicles 16:34 “Oh give thanks to the LORD; for he is good; for his loving kindness endures forever.”

*** Lori Dunham ***

Lori Dunham is the wife of a Navy Chaplain, a mother to three energetic children, and one very lazy bassett hound. Lori’s writing is inspired by her deep desire to encourage others in their faith, and to share God’s story in her life.  Her family’s ministry has taken them to the hills of Thailand, the shores of Italy, and the streets of Singapore. She shares of her struggle with secondary infertility, their great joy through adoption, and the up’s and down’s of military life at her blog, www.standingwiththemilitaryfamily.com.

Three Word Wednesday: The Final Countdown

As the days, hours, minutes and seconds seconds tick away until my husband's return home, quite honestly I am a scatterbrain. And I have no desire to write. I want to dream. I want to endlessly dream of being in the arms of my husband again.

I have every intention of completing the Love Dare Challenge . . . I think. Maybe the challenge would serve as an effective tool to use through the reintegration process. Maybe it could be my 31 Days Series for October with the Nesting Place. Then again, October may not be the best time for me to plan on writing for 31 days straight. Maybe the series could be done in November instead. Maybe I should take a few months off from writing/blogging to focus on my husband.

There are all sorts of maybes.

The next couple weeks months may look different here. I am grateful for two lovely friends who will be here next week to share with you while I am in Hawaii. Beyond that I am praying for God's wisdom on how best to proceed. "I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you with my eye upon you." Psalm 32:8 (ESV)

So far we have set five goals:

Goal #1: more time in His word (I really need this.)

Goal #2: enjoy Hawaii ☺

Goal #3: focus on the success of the meetings and events I am responsible for while in Hawaii (I am going there to work.)

Goal #4: prepare for my husband's return home

Goal #5: shower my husband with love once he is home

That's all for now.

Notice none of those goals include writing. Maybe I am okay with that. I'm not sure yet. But my lack of a desire to write has me wondering what that means.

Instead of wondering about writing I think I shall stick to dreaming about being in my husband's arms.

I hope you stick with me through this . . . whatever "this" happens to be. If I lose you that will need to be okay. But I will hope I don't. No matter what, THANK YOU for doing this deployment journey with me. You are blessing from God.

Three Word Wednesday: Why the Military?

Image by Cindee Snider Re of Breathe Deeply

I walked out on him one evening when we were out for dinner with my sister and her husband. Once again he changed the topic of discussion to his desire for our eldest son to enlist in the Navy. Once again I adamantly said we would not have this discussion.

“Our son will not enlist in the military.”

With that I stormed out of the restaurant. My sister and her husband followed my lead.

Walking out of that restaurant and walking out on my husband happened over five years ago.

Fast-forward five years to the present time. In less than 30 days my husband will return home from his first deployment as a solider with the U.S. Army Reserves. He has been away from home since November of last year. Three weeks ago I had a “see–you–later” moment with our eldest son . . . our sailor. His deployment has just begun.

I’m guest posting at the lovely Jen Ferguson's of Soli Deo Gloria Sisterhood today. I’d love you to join me over there for the rest of this story!

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