When the writing runs dry

It's been almost a month since my last blog post.  There are attempts to write and then the attempts are quickly followed by the press of the delete button. If you follow me on my blog Facebook page you may have witnessed the disappearing act of a few status updates lately.

My reasons for not writing are many. Mostly it's attributed to a realignment of priorities. The Storyline Conference I attended last October led me through the process of outlining the various roles I play and then identifying which ones matter most to me. This helped me to create a life plan, or at least a plan for the year ahead by summarizing ambitions for each of these roles.

Child of God
Wife
Mother
Friend
Employee
Writer

Writing falls lower on the list than it once did. But am I ignoring God's call to write?

I do believe writing has the rightful lower position on my priority list. The priorities I listed above writing need to come first. God having proper place as my first love is changing my life. I now walk in freedom of an eating disorder only by the grace of God.

“The old has gone, the new is here” (2 Corinthians 5:17).

Like He did with the Israelite's, God spoke to me saying, “You have circled this mountain long enough. Now turn north” (Deuteronomy 2:3).

I have turned north and do not plan to turn back.

At the same time, Satan has not given up on his attempts to win the fight for my worship of him first. He increases the intensity, I believe, when we claim freedom from a stronghold for we have done the very thing he prowls around trying to prevent.

When it comes to writing I fall to Satan’s lies. He places seeds of doubts in my mind. Sounds familiar, doesn’t it? I have admitted to this before. The difference lies in letting doubt win – letting him win – by not writing.

There’s not a lack of God stories to share with you. Life is full of good and hard stuff. God’s presence and His wonders are experienced through it all.

I have a confession to make though. Doubt has allowed the writing to run dry. I have pushed away or deleted words given to me by God with a wide-range of excuses. The most popular excuses being, “It’s not good enough,” “It’s too hard” and “It doesn’t matter anyways.”

God has spoken again saying, “You have circled that mountain long enough too, Beth.”

The God stories embedded in my heart and mind of all the ways He continues to redeem and transform need to be told. It’s those kinds of stories we as Christian writers pray point others to Him. Because the whole purpose of what God does in our lives is to bring attention to Him. It has nothing to do with us.

As said by our Executive Pastor in a recent sermon, “The purpose of signs and wonders it to prove Jesus and to point to Jesus.”

If I allow doubt to let the writing run dry then it’s like saying to God that the work He does in and around me doesn’t matter.

I certainly do not want to say that.

How about I (we) do this instead?

“Shout the news of his victory from sea to sea,
Take the news of his glory to the lost,
News of his wonders to one and all!”
~ Psalm 96:3 (MSG)

The writing may still be infrequent which is okay if the infrequency stems from properly aligned priorities and not because of doubt.

Am I done with writing until 2016 as I said in a recent status update? How about I carry on with letting God determine when I write.

Until next time…

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My hope is found in Him

In many ways it’s a beautiful season for me. I see His goodness bursting forth in all things. I adore this time of being more intentional in my relationships with my husband, children and friends.  The days seem to move at a slower pace, a delightful pace of cherishing each and every moment.

This season isn't absent of sorrow. My heart mourns the loss of someone I love deeply. I have learned that a loss can come in many different forms; it does not only come with death. I pray daily for the person I love to choose differently. I pray daily for God to teach me to extend love, even if it goes unseen, no matter how this part of our story unfolds.

God takes us through different seasons. I believe in every season He seeks to reveal truth about Himself, give us new wisdom for our spiritual journey and leave us with a promise for more of Him.

I see it in His letters to the seven churches in the province of Asia (Revelations 1:4) as I read the Book of Revelation. Each one begins with a picture of Him, then gives a warning and ends with a promise.

It begins and ends with Him.

It’s all about Him.

I find myself wrestling with God at times over this season of less writing He has brought me to. The wrestle comes in the form of jealousy and comparison as my Facebook news-feed fills with beautiful posts written by others whom I adore. Jealousy and comparison is an ugly thing. It absolutely steals your joy. But He came to give us life to the fullest (John 10:10).

So God doesn't leave me in the wrestle.

He reminds me of who He is and who I am in Him.
He extends gentle warnings through His Word.
He promises more of Him if I choose to trust and obey Him.

I trust in you, Lord. 
You are good.
You are faithful.

I was asked recently to describe what made me fall in love with Jesus and what makes me follow Him. My response came with ease but it also came with wet eyes. Love stories are usually told with wet eyes.

It's for two words: redemption and transformation. I witnessed how He redeems and makes all things new. You can read our story here. And His work of redemption and transformation never ends. There's always more: more ways we need to surrender to Him and more ways He wants to transform us.

He is my hope . . . the hope for better. A life without Him would be a life without hope. A life without Him is one I will not choose.

Maybe what I love most about this season is how I have fallen in love with Him all over again. As He becomes greater in my life (John 3:30), through devoted time with Him and In His Word, He performs new miracles. His mercies are new every morning (Lamentations 3:22-23). I come before Him with my fears, doubts and thoughts of unworthiness, and He says, "I'm not finished with you yet, Beth. Look, I am doing a new thing" (Isaiah 43:19).

I have come to a place of knowing this season He has me in is the very place I need to be. I can see so clearly His love and goodness, even in the midst of sorrow. He will not waste this. There will be beauty on the other side. There will be a transformation. I know this with every fiber of my being because I have come to know Him.

This is the hope I profess: He is faithful. He is good always. His love is never-ending. His arms are far reaching—nothing is too far off for Him to redeem and transform.

It’s the hope which keeps my eyes and heart set on Him always. When He comes to my door He does not need to knock because the door to my heart remains wide open (Revelation 3:20).

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Three Word Wednesday: I Surrender All

Three Word Wednesday

I Surrender All

On Sunday our worship team closed our time together singing the chorus from the song, "I Surrender All," by Judson W. Van DeVenter.

"I surrender all,

I surrender all;

All to Thee, my blessed Savior,

I surrender all."

We stood and sang these few lyrics together after a member of our church, who will soon be leaving us, shared her story. She is not someone I've previously met but she is someone I will not forget. She is the inspiration behind my three words: I Surrender All.

She sat in front of the congregation and told of the day when a "bomb" went off in her life. The "bomb" hit when she received devastating news; news containing the dreaded "C" word. However, the "bomb" also led to something which she described as "really cool." Within hours of receiving the news she knew the only next right choice was to surrender it all to Christ. It was in the moment of surrender when she realized everything was going to be okay. Because of her faith in Him she trusted His promise in Romans 8:28,

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."

What could have been the worst year of her life ended up being one of the most exciting years for her and her family. There is so much more to her story. Maybe she'd accept a request to one day share with us here. 

Before closing the service our pastor returned to his spot next to her. He looked at the congregation and asked, "What does it take for us to get to the point of complete surrender?" Will it take hitting rock bottom or will we make the choice sooner to "let go and let God?"

As many of you may know, my family is preparing for a season of change with my husband soon leaving for his first deployment. I know I've been telling you this for months and you must be wondering when this will actually happen. For his safety, and the safety of his fellow soldiers, all I will say is he leaves before the end of the year. Up until his departure he will spend little time at home due to training requirements.

I do try to refrain from continually talking about this deployment. It's what occupies my mind though so it's hard to write about anything else.

When I think about the months we will spend apart tears easily come. I also have fears which lead to sleepless nights. I don't necessarily fear he won't return home to me; I fear how different he may be when he does return home and how the time apart may impact our marriage.

This may not make sense to you but as much as I pray for plans to change, I also know how much it means to my husband to serve his country in this way. Honestly, there is also a prayer for plans to move forward out of respect for him.

My pastor's question stayed with me as I left church on Sunday walking a little closer to my husband. What would it take for me to completely surrender to God's will?

I could look at this upcoming year anticipated to be spent without my husband as one that will be the worst year of my life. I also have the choice to surrender it all to Him and trust He will be up to something good. He has already done so much good in our life.

I knew the next right choice so before sharing a meal together (going out for lunch after church has become a tradition), I took my husband's hand in mine and lifted up a prayer similar to the words we sang together that morning in church. 

"I surrender all,

I surrender all;

All to Thee, my blessed Savior,

I surrender all."

Friends, we need to trust Him completely and whatever comes our way make the choice to give it to Him with complete surrender. We live in a fallen world so unfortunately bad things do happen. Our God though--he does only good things.

"For the Lord God is a sun and shield; the Lord bestows favor and honor; no good things does he withhold from those whose walk is blameless." ~ Psalm 84:11

Many people tell me I just need to be strong. Thank goodness I don't need to rely on my own strength as I know I can't do this by myself. I can trust God though to be my strength. We can do all things through the One who gives us strength (Philippians 4:13).