The Bible: Real Places, People and Time

I have heard people say the stories in the Bible are not real stories. The stories have been referred to as either mythological or a collection of fables. Jesus walked on this earth and did tremendous things but is He really the Son of God? Was He really raised from the dead? And what about the stories in the Old Testament? Are they all just stories?

Years ago I had a conversation with a pastor about the parting of the Red Sea. I told him of my struggle to make sense of it. The pastor responded to my doubts saying, "Beth, it's only a story." Maybe I misunderstood his response. One thing I can say for certain though, the conversation led me to believe God’s parting of the Red Sea was nothing more than a story; He did not really part the Red Sea.

It has been over fifteen years since the conversation with the pastor. I now know every word in the Bible is God-breathed. Every word is truth. Every story in the Bible, Old and New Testament, is about real places, real people and real time.

Every story is a real story. The parting of the Red Sea... God did just that.

When the conversation with the pastor took place I was in the midst of the hardest time in my life. I had left my husband. I barely stood at the weight of somewhere between 90-100 pounds. If I had more bravery I would have chosen death over life. Friends, choosing life is brave. Depression and an eating disorder, which in itself could have taken my life, were my Red Sea.

What if I had been told God really did part the Red Sea for Moses and the Israelites? What if I had been told the Bible is all Scripture breathed out by God (2 Timothy 3:16). What if I had been told the truth of the Gospel right there and then?

“But when the kindness and love of God our Savior appeared, he saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy. He saved us through the washing of rebirth and renewal by the Holy Spirit, whom he poured out on us generously through Jesus Christ our Savior, so that, having been justified by his grace, we might become heirs having the hope of eternal life.” (Titus 3:4-7)

I needed to believe in God. I needed to believe Jesus Christ was the Son of God who died for my sins, was buried, and rose again on the third day. I needed to believe God could part my Red Sea and bring me safely over to the other side.

How would have knowing this truth fifteen years ago changed my life?

Let me be clear, I believe I came to know Jesus Christ and His saving grace in the exact way and time He intended. I might not understand why it happened the way it did but when we choose to follow Jesus it's not for logic or reason. Most of the time the call to follow Him will not make sense. He asks us to put our trust in Him and follow despite lack of logic or reason.

Here’s the truth, we are not saved by simply believing Jesus walked on this earth. We are saved when we believe in who He said He was (the Son of God) and what He claimed He would do and did (save the world). We are saved through faith in Him.

This faith includes believing every word in the Bible comes from the mouth of God. And every word gives us life and life to the fullest (John 10:10)

I no longer question the truth of His word. The question on my heart is who, Lord, in my life stands at their Red Sea wondering if You could really fight for them like You really did fight for Moses and the Israelites? Like You fought for me?

“The Lord will fight for you, and you have only to be silent” Exodus 14:14.

If I want God more than anything else this must include wanting others to know Him and the truth of His Word more than anything else.

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He Loves Perfectly

Several posts ago, the one on twirling, I mentioned I had attended an IF:LOCAL gathering. Then I briefly told you of a long-time desire to gather women around my table. I told you I intended to stop talking and instead “trust God and move.” I also said if you did not see a post on this gathering by the end of March it meant I needed encouragement in the bravery department.

It is almost the end of March…

I gave deep thought to what to call this gathering of women (a catchy name is a must), and who to invite. A part of me loved the idea of posting an open invitation on Facebook to local friends. Typical to my nature, I questioned the idea. Various discussion ideas played out in my head. Mainly, I knew I had to trust God with the details by letting go of control and any expectations I had for this gathering.

Truth be told, I lost bravery quickly and did nothing.

Then a dear friend who had joined me at the IF:LOCAL sent me a text to tell me of the step of faith she had taken. In her text she included a copy of the invitation she would soon send to those invited to gather at her table.

My initial reaction: JEALOUSY!

My next reaction (because let us not park long on jealousy.): Be brave, Beth. If God has placed this desire on your heart He also asks you to step out in faith.

So I got brave and designed an invitation with the help of Paperless Post.

The catchy name was going to be "A Table of Hope Builders"

Then I lost bravery again when it came time to add the names of those on my heart to invite. The enemy gained a foothold on my thoughts.

What makes you think anyone wants to gather around your table?
No one will show up.
Don't press that send button, Beth. 

Enter, deep sigh.

I had not fully given up on the idea. I have been in God's Word long enough to know lies versus truth. And I so want to be finished with believing lies.

It sure felt like God was closing the door on this gathering though.

A whirlwind of changes began when my husband returned to the states much sooner than planned due to medical issues. Rightfully so, all other plans came to a halt. The gathering of women around my table would need to wait, or maybe my heart's desire (my prayer) was to go unanswered.

On the other hand, God often answers our prayers differently from what we specifically pray for, giving us the opportunity to see Him in a new way

 "God takes something little--a small request--and replaces it with a much bigger answer." ~ Kelly O'Dell Stanley, Praying Upside Down

This past Saturday, the Saturday I had intended to gather women around my table, without an official invite extended, two ladies at two different times joined me at my table. As I hugged and said good-bye to the second lady I had a moment of sudden realization. God had answered my prayer.

Maybe He did not answer with what we might call a much bigger answer, but the right answer. Because God’s ways are always right; they are abundantly above all that can we ask or think (Ephesians 3:20).

God answered another prayer too.

Since the day my husband departed for his second deployment I had asked God to make our time apart go quickly. Please God, make this time of separation not feel like forever for there are days when it feels like forever until I will see him again.

He replaced my small request with a much bigger answer. I may not fully understand why He answered this way but as I have said previously, the why does not matter. And God did not cause my husband's injury to bring him home sooner; He allowed and used a circumstance to accomplish what He had always intended… an earlier reunion for two people who obediently said yes to His calling (another deployment) but also longed to be together again.

As I navigate a season of change and uncertainty, God reminded me of a truth I desperately need to cling to: God can be trusted to love perfectly. “God's way is perfect. All the LORD's promises prove true” (Psalm 18:30).

So in the midst of this somewhat difficult season, I will praise Him. For when we belong to Him we will always find Him to be Faithful and True (BSF notes). He alone gives us joy today and forever.

It is well with my soul…

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It's Not About Me but the State of Me

We are on day 4 of a New Year. I must admit I am happy to return to work and a somewhat normal daily routine. The time off to celebrate Christmas and New Year’s with those I love was needed but when my routine is changed for too long it throws me off balance.

I am a girl who thrives on a routine.

Now that we've entered a New Year, for many it's a time for reflection and setting new goals.

I'm not a girl who thrives on goal setting.

Sure, I'd love to read through the Bible this year and I would love to improve my prayer life. I would love to read more books too. These are worthwhile goals but I dislike the whole goal setting thing for the potential let down when I fall short, as I likely would.

As I wrote in my last post, the only want I have for 2016, and the years to come, is to want God more than anything else. For if my eyes and heart are truly focused on this one want, and it's not just an empty commitment, than any other want will be what God wants for me. And won't I be more in tune with His desires for me?

I have thought more about the want to be good at just one thing. If I do something based on whether or not I am good at it (I could paraphrase this as doing something for praise), I have made it all about me. If God asks me to write or to shepherd a group of ladies through His Word, or any other activity for that matter, it should never be about whether or not I am good at those things. It should be about showing up and serving where God has called me to serve.

Now grant it, I already knew this truth. Isn’t it funny how we often need reminders?

"God doesn't call the qualified. He qualifies the called."

So, yes, I have reminded myself again that in whatever way I serve Him, it is not about me. To God be the glory forever and ever! Amen.

Nevertheless, would you allow me to give you somewhat of a “state of me” address? For the most part it can be summed up this way: "it is well with my soul." Despite certain circumstances, all is well.

A reflection of 2015 reveals growth, the "only God" kind of growth. I am notorious for falling to the lies of the enemy, especially when it comes to the kind of person he says I am. I fall less though. I believe the enemy less and God more. Our enemy has less of a foothold on my thoughts. “You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you.” Isaiah 26:3

My heart is mending from a loss.

I walk in freedom from an eating disorder, minus one slip. Thank you, God, for your forgiveness and for helping me to stand again to continue in this walk.

Relationships with extended family are stronger. Maybe one day I will expand on this or I will just focus on extending gratitude to God for opening my eyes to see the error in my way of thinking. “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways.” Isaiah 55:8

A second deployment does not steal my joy. Trust me, the second time around is not easier. It takes more intentionality to not let my joy be taken.

Even though separated by a large number of miles from my husband, I witness God use the time we are apart to grow our marriage in new ways.

This growth happens only because my trust is in Him; it happens only because of Him. God alone is the source of my abiding joy. “Then I will go to the altar of God, to God, my joy and my delight. I will praise you with the lyre, O God, my God.” Psalm 43:4

I think I shall stick with my one want of wanting Him more than anything else.

Will you join me?

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Throne of Grace

Recent status updates on Facebook have referenced how I now walk in freedom from an eating disorder. There has been mention of my longtime battle with bulimia here and there on my blog. Last year I attempted to give it up for Lent. I wrote about it here and here. I wrote about how I did not reach my goal here.

The battle continued on, mostly in secret. Family and friends rarely confronted me on the matter, except for a few, which made it easier to keep it a secret. When the few would ask how I was doing they received the standard response of, “It is better.”

You might wonder, what does “it is better” mean?

For the most part, it does not mean a thing. Those words were used as a diversion from being real. There were times when the purging happened less frequently but usually not by much. The battle always remained a battle.

A part of me wanted to come clean by saying, “It is far from finished.” There would be freedom in such admittance. On the contrary, doing so would make it harder to carry out the act of purging, if the desire remained to do so, because others (mainly my husband) might watch closer my actions after eating.

Was I ready to let go of the warped sense of control I had over my eating disorder?

I could not tell you the last time I made myself purge. It hasn't been very long; maybe two or three months. I did not make note of the date it stopped. A day did not come when I said, “It is finished.” I thought a day like that had come—I said so during my Lenten journey here.

I was not finished.

Could it be my faith in Him wasn't strong enough for healing? The answer, of course, is no. Our healing isn't dependent upon the level of our faith.

Why am I now certain that it is finished? What is different from the other times?

I think it has something to do with accepting His grace. By this I mean, believing His grace is a gift for me too. I know that it is but there's a difference between believing and accepting.

I wish I could speak of a profound moment similar to the many miracle healings performed by Jesus throughout the New Testament. Like the experience of the bleeding women who came up behind Jesus to touch the edge of His cloak and then her bleeding immediately stopped (read Luke 8:43-48). Instead, a day just came when I no longer purged.

In a recent sermon by our Executive Pastor he addressed the nature of miraculous healings performed by Jesus. He expressed how the healings included four characteristics:

1) They were unpredictable

2) They were done in Jesus’ name

3) They were instantaneous and complete

4) They resulted in praise to God

Something clicked during his sermon. A light bulb went on. I had experienced a healing that could have only been done by Jesus.

Unlike the prediction of my eating disorder being finished when I began my Lenten journey in 2014, this healing was unpredictable. It was done in no other name than Jesus’ name because only He could perform such a healing. It was instantaneous and I now believe complete. All praise and glory goes to God.

My history may prove I will likely fall again. And I may. I think not though. His grace gift of healing is one I do not plan to give back.

It is finished.

I may not understand why He chose to do this now. But He often doesn't work in ways we will understand. This is what I'm learning: the magic actually happens beyond the healing. As I walk away from an eating disorder and in to freedom I cannot help but point others to Him because it's all because of HIM. And isn't that the point?

Healing or no healing, He is more than enough. He is all we need.

Like I wrote here, thank you for being a soft place to land as I tell my story. There is more to tell but I think I shall save for another post.

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Love always wins

I sat on our living room sofa Tuesday evening wrapped in a warm blanket in need of something . . . anything. My heart hurt. My husband sat in the kitchen, just one room over. I knew he'd listen to me as I made attempts to process emotions with his always compassionate heart but I did not know where to begin. Instead, I choose sleep. It too was needed.

This thing which causes my sadness is not something my husband and I can fix. We need to surrender this -- them -- to God. There's truth in these words by Oswald Chambers from My Utmost for His Highest: “You may often have to watch Jesus Christ wreck a life before He saves it.”

I won't write about the thing which makes me sad, at least not yet. What I will tell you is there’s no shortness of seeing Gods goodness and faithfulness even while my heart breaks.

He's my strength. And He keeps using that husband of mine to hold me up.

In the midst of sadness I also have joy. I see God weaving His way into the life of my boys, one more so than the other. How can I not rejoice when one tells me, “I think I might be coming around, Mom?”

While I may not be able to get through a day without tears, God always gives me a reason to give Him praise.

He expands my heart with a desire to love more and to love well.

I follow along with others as Kara Tippetts touches lives, even after her death. Kara “considered every moment a gift and an opportunity to learn more about Grace and trusting God; she believed suffering was not an absence of beauty, but an opportunity to understand God’s love on a deeper level.”

Can’t I too?

These tears that fall are for reasons which seem small compared to the suffering Kara and her family endured, and continue to endure. But they still matter to God. He catches my tears and whispers . . .

I am faithful

I am doing something good

Trust in me

Live fully awake

See the beauty of each moment

Choose love, it will not fail you

I will not fail you

For love always wins

“Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends.” ~~ 1 Corinthians 13:7-8a

I wipe the tears from my eyes once again and whisper back, “Yes, I will choose love. Keep showing me the way. I will keep following You.”

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Peace in Waiting

I've come to this space multiple times the past week to share my heart with you but I do not know exactly what I want to say or how to say it. There has been contemplating and even drafting of a post to tell you of a decision to step away from blogging for a while.

Is stepping away really what I want? Is it what God wants? I know you would tell me it's okay not to know and to wait on Him.

I have told you of my desire to connect at a deeper level. How do we actually connect deeper though?

We could connect beyond our blogs through emails, phone calls, Skype or even Voxer. Are you on Voxer? It’s rather cool. Admittedly, I'm not great with responding to emails in a timely manner and it can take me a few days to Vox you back.

I know what my heart wants. I know what my heart needs. The how remains unclear. It could have something to do with how my heart dances with delight when you join me at a table, any table, and we connect face to face.

Oh, if only we could all gather around a table together. How can we create a deeper sense of community right here without a physical table to gather at? I would love your thoughts because I long for this deeper connection.

I recently spent three hours at a Starbucks with another Army wife whose husband deployed with mine. We decided to share a cup of coffee while we waited for our husbands to complete required training before the unit gathered together to celebrate Christmas. We did not lack reasons to celebrate with our loved ones now home.

For three hours we sit across a table from one another. We talked mostly about God, His grace, how He has changed us and how He continues to work in our lives. It was such a rich conversation. I walked away blessed. I need more of this.

****

There are moments when it feels like God has me doing a lot of waiting.

Waiting ten months for my husband to return home
Waiting for our son to return home
Waiting for the right words to come
Waiting for Him to reveal His plans for me
Waiting for Him to reveal His plans for us

In this season of Advent we all wait for the coming of His son.

The waiting though, it's okay. Even in the waiting God moves. What he is doing in and through me -- through us -- right now matters.

I feel His presence.

If all I know right now is His presence, without any answers for what comes next, that is enough. What’s better than knowing His presence dwells within me?

He reveals more than His presence to me.

He speaks to my heart. His biggest work is done in our hearts. A slower-paced life these days (the usual frenzy of the season has not caught up to me) allows for me to hear Him better. I am growing more accustomed to seeking Him first and seeking Him often. There are times when I question if it’s Him I hear. But I know. I really do.

I have an inner peace mixed with all kinds of emotions. His Holy Spirit moves within me in new, albeit exciting and also confusing at times, ways.

It can only be Him for I find myself coming undone over and over again. It can only be Him.

In the quiet moments when I stop to be still an unspeakable joy fills my heart. I find an undeniable trust for the One who holds all the details of what's to come in His hands.

I've grown fonder of waiting.

There are no regrets for the ten months I spent waiting for my husband to return home. If God required that period of waiting for Him to do what He now does between us I would do it all over again, if He asked us to do again.

He does not waste a thing.
He does not waste a moment.

This waiting . . . waiting for the coming of His son . . . waiting for what comes next . . . I can trust His purposefulness in this waiting.

I can have peace in waiting.

“I’ll show up and take care of you as I promised and bring you back home. I know what I’m doing. I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for.” Jeremiah 29:11 (MSG)

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P.s. I want to take a moment to recommend a blogging coach to you, friends. Today I spent thirty minutes on the phone with Linda and was thoroughly blessed by our time together. She is good, really good. She encourages. She has a gift for making sense out of ones ramblings. She got to the heart of my ramblings. She simply rocks. Check her out here. She's worth the investment.

His love and grace compels me

Every time my eldest son sends me an email he ends with three words: LOVE YOU MOM. He types them in capital letters while everything else remains as you would expect. He makes it stand out. Oh, how they do stand out. I love those three words. With him on the other end of the world in enemy territory they are even more meaningful to me.

On Sunday morning I woke to an email from him. He stated they went a few days without Internet due their ship’s support of a particular mission.

Words I am not fond of are “in support of a mission.”

My son remains on his ship when these “missions” take place but his use of the word serves as a reality check of where he is and what and who he stands ready to protect and defend: America. You. Me.

The knowledge leaves me speechless. If I pause too long in these thoughts it brings me to tears. It’s different to experience a deployment as a mother verses as a wife. But the same promises God spoke to me during my husband’s deployment are the same ones God speaks to me now.

“So do not fear, for I am with you;
    do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
    I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”
Isaiah 41:10

Fear diminishes with the knowledge that the same God here with me also watches over my son.

My son does not know Jesus. At least not the way Jesus wants him to know Him. The more I pursue Christ and allow Him to transform me, the more Christ will be seen in me. If I continue to seek Him and live a life which reflects Him, I believe my son will come to know Him through me.

This compels me.
No, wait. God’s love and grace compels me.

It compels me to seek Him first and to seek Him often.
It compels me to pray for both of our children without ceasing.
It compels me to never let go of hope.

If not through me, God will use another. God knows the desire of my heart (Psalm 37:4).

How can I be sure our children will come to know Him?

He wants us all to know Him.

So I can approach Him confidently knowing what I ask for pleases Him. And I know He hears my prayers. (1 John 5:14).

I believe.
I trust.
I hold on to hope.

I seek Him with all my heart. Before God can use me, He must first have my heart, my whole heart.

“You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.” Jeremiah 29:13

As I grow in knowledge and wisdom of who He is and reflect on all He has done for me, it compels me to obey his commands. Not because I am under the law but because His grace compels me.

When His word tells me I am to have no other god’s before Him and I realize I still have this one god, this love idol, I am compelled to let go. I have held on to this love idol for far too long. My worth is not found in the number on a scale. God, the one and only God, wants so much more for me and for you too.

 “But I lavish unfailing love for a thousand generations on those who love me and obey my commands.” Exodus 20:6

I choose Him and His unfailing love.

I will throw off anything that hinders my relationship with Him (Hebrews 12:1) and I will give Him my whole heart. I pray for Him to continue to change me so I may reflect His glory, just as He intends, to lead others – especially my children – to Him.

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Present over Perfect

The morning begins with three missed calls and an email from our son. He calls from the other side of the world while he floats out at sea. Opportunities for him to call home are few and far between. I could tell from his email that he misses home. We are missing him too.

I respond with what may be my longest email to him so far.

Because my heart longs for him to know God, I end the email with the verse from Romans 15:13 "May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope."

After pressing send I crawl back into bed next to my husband with tears in my eyes. He wraps his arms around me and we lie there for the next thirty minutes holding each other. There are still tears as we lie there for how much I miss our son and for how happy I am to have my husband home.

We let go of one another but we are not quite ready to leave the bed. Instead, we scan the TV stations for something to watch. Taking the day slow sounds like a wonderful idea. We land on “Cheaper by the Dozen.” Tears find their way to my eyes again. This missing stuff doesn't get easier.

The feeling of sadness will not lift. Plans for the day include putting up our Christmas tree. I tell my husband, “We need a new tree. Our tree is small and lopsided.”

I open up my computer and log on to Pinterest and start searching Christmas decorating ideas. Of course the pictures are all shiny and perfect. Nothing I could do would ever compare.

With “Cheaper by the Dozen” finally over and tears semi dried up, yet I know full well it wouldn't take much for them to fall again, I decide to join hubs for a morning workout confident it will lift my spirits.

As I ride a stationary bike, I finish reading the book A Million Miles in a Thousand Years by Donald Miller. In the book Donald Miller talks about a bike ride he took across country. Friends of ours have a son who recently did the same so I sent them a text to suggest their son read the book. I add to the end of the text message, “Let’s do dinner soon.”

I open up the audio version of Bob Goff’s book Love Does next. I’m now on a treadmill as I listen along. I hit the pause button after Chapter 3 because this time around I want my husband to follow along too.

I scan through my library of eBook’s. A while back I started Cold Tangerines by Shauna Niequist so I decided to carry on where I left off.

“I sometimes hate this house for not being what I want it to be, and I sometimes hate myself for not being that either. But little by little, my funny old broken down house is teaching me that good enough is good enough.” – Shauna Niequist

Shauna’s words remind me of our Christmas tree; the one I told my husband was small and lopsided.

I did not get far in the book before my phone rang.

“Hello Mom.”

My cup runneth over. God is good, ALWAYS.

He tells me that he started reading Love Does again. I sent the book to him in a care package early on in his deployment. “The Jesus stuff is hard to read but it’s funny,” he says. Maybe it’s wishful thinking but I imagine Bob Goff’s words leading my son closer to Jesus. Always have hope, I say to myself.

“Take delight in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart.” Psalm 37:4

Hubs and I return home. I look up at those gorgeous eyes of his to inform him how wrong I am about our tree. Our tree is enough because it’s ours. Present over perfect . . . that is my wish for this Christmas season.

What is your wish for this Christmas season?

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It started with a DARE {Day 25: #write31days}

I shared a link to a post written by Lisa Whittle yesterday and I can’t seem to get the story she shared out of my mind. She shared a personal story from her marriage. A story she said in many ways is the story of her life. It’s a story of wanting more and of things missed because of her want for more.

“I need something. I want something. But I choose something I want in the moment, and it gets in the way of what I really want more.” ~ Lisa Whittle

Lisa released a new book this month titled, I Want God

Her story has rung true in my own life.

For most of my life there resided a desire for more. I wanted more of something; usually more stuff. I would get more and then want more again. It became an endless cycle of a want for more. And more was never enough. 

My husband wanted me to be happy. Most of my requests for more he would fulfill. “Maybe then she will love me,” may have been his thoughts. Instead of my love he received accumulated debt.

I loved him. I really, really did. On the other hand, I relied on feeling love to show him love. He did not receive an unconditional love from me.

There's a secret about love you may not know. I once did not know either. The secret is this: an unconditional love is not possible on your own. But with God, all things are possible (Matthew 19:26).

An online friend I had yet to meet took a dare. She dared to point me toward the more I had been longing for all along but missed because my wants in the moment got in the way. She pointed me toward the One who is love.

I then took my first dare. I dared to BELIEVE.

And then I dared to accept His LOVE.
And then I dared to EMBRACE who I am in Him.
And then I dared to find JOY no matter the circumstances. He is the source of my joy.

And then – the dare that continues to transform my marriage – I dared to love my husband with God’s kind of love.

A love dare journey began. {read my Love Dare Journey here}

It started as my own love dare journey during my husband’s deployment to Afghanistan. By God’s grace, my husband has returned home safely.

What started as my journey is now our love dare journey.

God's love, the One who can only change our want for more to enough, changes lives. It changed ours.

And now I keep on daring to share His love with you.

It started with a dare.

Will you take a dare? Maybe your dare is pointing another to Him. If so, please don’t miss out on that dare.

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I am joining in for the Five Minute Friday fun (on a Saturday) because the prompt word is DARE. The prompt word was chosen by The Love Dare so how could I not? The post took me more than five minutes; it was more like twenty minutes. But twenty is the new five, in my opinion, when it comes to writing.

P.s. The words BELIEVE, LOVE, EMBRACE and JOY have been my One Word for the year (respectively) since joining in on this popular blogger thing to do in 2011. As my friend Kristin put it, it's "like a trendy resolution."