Friday, April 5, 2013

After I press "Publish"



Sometimes I wonder why I keep coming to this empty space and pouring out my heart with my imperfect words. I wonder because the process can be so painful. The writing at times is hard, but what happens after I press "publish" can be mentally exhausting. The after moments that come as a result of pressing that button are too often the same.

First, there is a pleasant burst of confidence that this is the one post I finally got right. My words seemed to flow and the message is clear.

Then, my unbelieving heart moves to questioning every word written.

It's in those after moments where I find myself saying, I will never be good enough at this writing thing everyone else does it so much better. Comparison has successfully stolen any sense of joy.

It's in those after moments where I wonder why I ever started. After all, this was never a life-long dream of mine.

It's in those after moments where I once again say it's time to call it quits...NO MORE!

But then, someone comes along after I've pressed "publish" and leaves some words of encouragement and lifts my spirits. I almost allow my worth to be found in their one little comment. Time ticks away and a few more comments are left, and each one gives glory to our amazing God. I'm reminded that my worth isn't found in their comments, but in Him.

While these after moments can be painful, I'm always led to the moment of remembering I write because every time I find him. I write with the hopes that after I press "publish" that just maybe I will help someone else find Him.

8 comments :

  1. Beth, I have those same thoughts! And I remember what you said when you got ME to first start my blog. You said that there is something in the writing, in the telling, that heals us too. We write for ourself as much as for others. Maybe more! Thanks for that insight all those months ago. Love you sister!

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    1. Oh yes there is something that heals us! Love you my dear friend!

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  2. Keep going! I feel the same way sometimes. Our worth is truly in Him and if we don't understand that no amount of comments give us the affirmation we long for. I am still learning this lesson but I am not giving up.

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    1. Thank you, Kimberly! I'm not giving up either! Blessings to you.

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  3. Amen! I have those same thoughts. Thank you for posting. Blessings@

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  4. "Comparison has stolen any sense of of my joy." I've lived those words. God speaks through you, my friend. To God be the glory!

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  5. Could really relate to all the emotions you express about the 'after' of posting a blog. Thank you for your honesty.

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  6. Beth,
    I was just thinking about this word, 'Publish' this morning. I had words swimming in my head as I was drying my hair and I thought I really don't want to write those words because then I will have to hit publish and I really don't want the 'world' to know that about me.
    Thanks for being brave and sharing here. Thank you for your lovely comment on my blog! You have encouraged!

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