A Christmas Wish

The Advent season is a time to prepare our hearts for the coming of His son; the birth of His son Jesus Christ. We celebrate the promise of the Savior, both His birth and His return. 

What does His coming promise?

The Gospel of Luke tells us in 19:10: “For the Son of Man came to seek and to save the lost.” And in John 3:16, “God expressed His love for the world in this way: He gave His only Son so that whoever believes in Him will not face everlasting destruction, but will have everlasting life.

This Advent season I also reflect on the greatest picture we have of what Jesus did for us.  The ultimate sacrifice He made for us. 

He came to earth as man knowing He would go to the cross for our sins.
He knew His destiny.

For the past four years, on the second Saturday of December, I have joined an organization called Wreaths Across America to remember our fallen heroes and honor those who have served and continue to serve.

Throughout the country, this organization works toward placing a wreath on the grave sites of all the men and women who stood ready to make the ultimate sacrifice for us.

They raised their hand.
They stepped forward.
They came before us and said, “I am willing to die, for you.”

And many did die for us. They made the ultimate sacrifice.

They died for the hatred in this world because we choose not to love. Yet they choose a sacrificial love. They choose God’s kind of love.

Last weekend my husband and I placed wreaths together. We placed two wreaths. Before we placed the wreath we stood before the grave marker and said a prayer. We prayed for the family of the fallen hero. We prayed for them to know the sacrifices their loved one made have not been forgotten. They will always be remembered.

And we wept as we prayed.

My husband went first. With tears rolling down his cheeks he asked, “Why am I crying? I do not even know this man.” He continued to weep as he knelt down to place the wreath. He wept for the sacrifice this man was willing to make . . . for him.

This particular man – this hero – lived a life beyond his service but again, he stepped forward willingly. He was willing to die . . . for us.

Then it was my turn. I prayed. I wept. I knelt down and placed the wreath. We will never forget.

My wish for us all is, to remember. As you reflect on His coming, reflect also on the picture these heroes give of what Jesus ultimately did for us.

Yes, Christmas is a time to celebrate His birth. But He came for one reason. He came for a purpose. You were His purpose. We were His purpose.

Allow this truth to change you in a new way as you approach the New Year. Let it change how you love others. Strive for an agape love. Strive for His kind of love.

Many of us choose One Word for the year to focus on. I think my word for 2015 will be SELFLESS. Please, Lord, help me to place the needs of others above my own. Help me to love with Your kind of love. 

There are so many good words to choose.
Ultimately, He wants us to love one another.

Above whatever word you choose, may the real word on your heart be LOVE.

The Bible is all about love. It’s God’s love letter to us.

His greatest wish for us is this:

“So I give you a new command: Love each other deeply and fully. Remember the ways that I have loved you, and demonstrate your love for others in those same ways. Everyone will know you as My followers if you demonstrate your love to others.” John 13:34-35 (Voice)

Choose love. Choose love over and over again.

To those brave men and women, you will never be forgotten.
To their families, they will never be forgotten.

To my husband and son, who stand willing to make the ultimate sacrifice, my pride and love for you overflows.

To you, I wish you a Merry Christmas. We wish you a Merry Christmas. May His love for you change you from the inside and out. Only He can perform the heart transformation we really need.

Let Him in.
Let Hope in. Let that Hope in. 
Let it change you.

God bless.

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Three Word Wednesday: Loves takes delight

When I met my husband I would tell my parents we were “just friends.” In the technical sense we were “dating” but the relationship grew because of our friendship.

We were (and still are) completely opposite from one another. Extrovert vs. Introvert. Confident vs. Not-so-confident. Strong vs. Weak. The fact that he liked me back took me by surprise. His qualities were different from anyone else I had dated. His ability to make me laugh to the point of tears and his strength attracted me most.

I found him to be delightful.

The dating years included lots of storytelling, laughing over the TV show Magnum, P.I. till the early hours of the morning and driving around in his car. Looking back, I'm thankful we never got caught for the things done in that car. I digress... (Did I use that correctly?)

Life took a drastic turn when I could no longer stay awake past ten o'clock at night. It did not take long for us to realize parenthood sat on the horizon.

We put the cart before the horse as some would say.

When you're figuring how to be adults, parents and a spouse at the same time delightful thoughts can lose their place in your mind.

My husband began to lose his delightfulness. If you asked him I'm sure he would say the same.

“One of the most important things you should learn on your Love Dare journey is that you should not just follow your heart, you should lead it. Don’t let your feelings and emotions do the driving. You put them in the back seat and tell them where you’re going.” – The Love Dare (pg. 66)

Without God in my life I fell to the worldly standard of allowing feelings and emotions to drive my heart. Even with God I can still wrestle with the desire to feel love instead of deciding to choose love.

I have discovered the saying “distance makes the heart grow founder” to be an accurate one. After nine months apart from my husband I expect to have a newlywed kind of feeling toward him when he finally returns home. Following how my heart feels will likely come with ease.

What happens when the not so endearing quirks we both have rear their ugly head again? Like the quirks which have before led me to feel not so lovey-dovey about my husband.

Will I follow my heart or lead my heart?

“You get to choose what you treasure. So if you’re ungrateful and disapproving, it’s because you choose to be. If you pick at your mate more than you praise them, it’s because you've allowed selfishness in your heart to take over. You've led yourself into criticism.” (pg. 66)

And selfishness has once again made an appearance in this Love Dare journey. God, please rid my heart of selfishness.

The writers of The Love Dare share verses from Deuteronomy 7:7-8 I have not previously read. From The Message translation they read:

“God wasn't attracted to you and didn't choose you because you were big and important—the fact is, there was almost nothing to you. He did it out of sheer love, keeping the promise he made to your ancestors.”

I made a promise to love my husband twenty-four years ago. Quirks and all, I vowed to love him as long as we both shall live. I chose him because he makes me laugh. I chose him because of a strength he has which I admire. I chose him because he is my best friend.

Even if I’m not feeling love I will choose love. A “love that chooses to love is just as beautiful as love that feels like loving.” (pg. 66)

I realize my heart may be prone to wander off from time to time because of my sinful nature. But the Spirit who lives in me is greater (1 John 4:4). He will lead my heart back to love and to, once again, delight in the man I choose to spend the rest of my life with.

Dare #1: Love is patient

Dare #2: Love is kind

Dare #3: Love is not selfish

Dare #4: Love is thoughtful

Dare #5: Love is not rude

Dare #6: Love is not irritable

Dare #7: Love believes the best

Dare #8: Love is not jealous

Dare #9: Love makes good impressions

Dare #10: Love is unconditional

Dare #11: Love cherishes

Dare #12: Love lets the other win

Dare #13: Love fights fair

Dare #14: Love takes delight

Next week: Love is honorable

Three Word Wednesday: Love isn't jealous

From my husband's last promotion.

In the second post of my love dare series I admitted my jealousy towards my husband for the free time he has during his deployment. The jealousy continues to live in my heart.

My husband recently posted a Facebook status update expressing joy for the evenings when his unit gathers around a fire. They tell stories of basic training, other deployments and life back home. He mentioned these times almost felt like they were home, but the one thing missing was a cooler of beer.

The initial thoughts I had did not resemble a wife being her husband’s biggest cheerleader. Shouldn't I be the one thing missing?

When I read his status update it hurt my feelings. I also had a hint of jealousy over his evenings of fun. Don't get me wrong, I’m grateful he has those opportunities but I am longing for us to have an evening of fun together. I want to be the one thing missing.

I know there are other occasions when I let jealousy win over being his cheerleader.

He has an outgoing personality and makes friends easily. Kids adore him for his willingness to get on the floor and play. These qualities do not come with ease for me. When we are in situation where he has won the hearts of those around him, I tend to pull back instead of cheering him on.

With him being a soldier he often receives accolades for his service to our country. There are times when congratulations are in order for his accomplishments or advancement in rank. I get jealous of the attention he receives.

“Because love is not selfish and puts others first, it refuses to let jealousy in. It leads you to celebrate the successes of your spouse rather than resenting them.”– The Love Dare (pg. 37-38)

Jealousy plays out in other areas of my life too.

It creeps in as I read someone else’s blog. They write far better than me. I get jealous of the talents they have and I wish I had. They have more followers. Their posts have more shares. The list of where my thoughts can go goes on and on.

On all accounts, it comes down to envy and selfishness. (There is that selfishness once again.) I want what others have and lack gratitude for the gifts God has given me.

In James 3:15 we are told, “Such ‘wisdom’ does not come down from heaven but is earthly, unspiritual, demonic” (James 3:15). And right after that it says, “For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice” (James 3:16).

We are even told in Galatians 5:19-21 that those who live with envy and selfishness will not inherit the Kingdom. Ouch.

There are times when jealousy is legitimate. Jealousy was justified by both of us when on separate occasions we gave ourselves to another. I rightfully wanted back what belonged to me and the same held true for my husband.

A jealousy which comes from envy and selfishness will infect our marriages and other relationships. It keeps us from living a life of love. God’s wisdom tells us we are to “spur one another on toward love” (Hebrews 10:24). 

As my husband’s wife I need to encourage him by celebrating his successes. I should be captain of his fan club.

Before my heart becomes rooted in envy and selfishness I need to seek God and His wisdom. He will free me from the need to compare myself to others, especially my husband, and want what they have. I want a heart rooted in God’s love. When rooted in His love, He will help me reflect His kind of love toward my husband and to others.

And I do this because of God's love for me. His love compels me (2 Corinthians 5:14) to love my husband and others with His kind of love.

Dare #8: Email, write, or telephone your spouse to tell them how glad you are about a recent success that they have achieved.

My husband keeps saying it's a “we” effort but I've expressed my appreciation to him via email, letter and phone for how he diligently stayed on top of our once horrible financial situation. As of today we are out of debt (minus a mortgage payment). There were virtual high fives during our recent Facetime. While I contributed financially, my husband contributed financially and did the grunt work (even while deployed). Praise God for how He provided and made this possible.

Thank you again, friends, for staying with me through this love dare journey.

Dare #1: Love is patient

Dare #2: Love is kind

Dare #3: Love is not selfish

Dare #4: Love is thoughtful

Dare #5: Love is not rude

Dare #6: Love is not irritable

Dare #7: Love believes the best

Dare #8: Love is not jealous

Next week: Love makes good impressions

Three Word Wednesday: Love isn't irritable

For the most part I thought I covered how love is not irritable in my last post. Rude and irritable basically go hand in hand, don’t they? In Dare #5 the writers of The Love Dare even start the chapter by saying, “Nothing irritates others as quickly as being rude.”

I’m all in on this love dare challenge so I press on.

The writers suggest there are two reasons that contribute becoming irritable: stress and selfishness. There is that selfishness again. I get the feeling I’m not alone in the struggle with selfishness. I would say it would be selfish of me to ignore the obvious point being made throughout The Love Dare book on how love is not selfish.

I do appreciate what the writers shared on the matter of selfishness: “When you’re irritable, the heart of the problem is primarily a problem of the heart.” Thankfully Jesus specializes in heart transplants.

“When love enters your heart, it calms you down and inspires you to quit focusing on yourself” (p. 27). Jesus is love. I need to let Him into my heart. “He must become greater; I must become less” (John 3:30).

The first part of Dare #6 targets how stress can cause irritability. “Stress weighs you down, drains your energy, weakens your health, and invites you to be cranky” (p. 26). The dare asks you to make a list of areas where you need to add margin to your schedule. The military devotional for this dare acknowledges adding margin may be difficult for a spouse going through a deployment; however it does suggest evaluating what you are doing with the down time you have.

I would be lying if I told you I have little down time with my husband deployed and a house to maintain on my own. I simply do not make good use of the time I have. This leaves me easily irritated.

My favorite thing to do with the warmer temperatures now here is to go for a long walk today. On those walks is when I most connect with God. He brought the verse from Luke 12:34 to mind when out walking on Memorial Day: “Wherever your treasure is, there the desires of your heart will also be.”

Truth be told, I still treasure the opinions of others over God’s. I seek the approval of others when I have already been pre-approved by God. In her book Love Idol, Jennifer Dukes Lee writes, “To be pre-approved means this: We love from our approval, not for our approval.” I love to write and all that comes with being a blogger, but too often my priorities are out of order. I place blogging before God because I feel more is required of me for you to keep on returning. By doing this I’ve actually placed myself at the center of my relationships instead of God. Enter selfishness once again.

The title for Day 8 of The Love Dare Day by Day devotional is: “Love is best when God is first." This day’s devotional states, “Let every breath be an opportunity to learn how to better love the God who first loved you." This truth reminds me of how I need to be rooted deep in His love.

“Then Christ will make his home in your hearts as you trust in him. Your roots will grow down into God’s love and keep you strong. And may you have the power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love is. May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God.” ~ Ephesians 3:17-19

For my roots to grow deeper into God’s love I need to be pursuing an intimate relationship with Him. I need to drink in His love daily and I do this by spending time in His word daily. Time with Him needs to be treasured above anything else.

And if I am rooted deep in His love then I am no longer fussing over the approval of others because I know I am already pre-approved by God.

“He created us to love Him, and something unexplainable beautiful happens when we direct all of who we are at delighting in all of who He is” (Day 8, The Love Dare Day by Day). That something beautiful may be freeing us to simply love our spouses and others.

Dare #1: Love is patient

Dare #2: Love is kind

Dare #3: Love is not selfish

Dare #4: Love is thoughtful

Dare #5: Love is not rude

Dare #6: Love is not irritable

Next week: Love believes the best

Love is thoughtful

Dare #4: By email or telephone, if possible ask your spouse the question, “How are you doing? Is there anything I can do for you?” As we think loving thoughts we are spurred on to loving actions.

When I first read the chapter for Day 4 in The Love Dare I thought I've got this covered. I’m always thinking of my husband and I tell him frequently how much I love him and miss him. Almost every conversation begins with the question, “How are you doing?” I ask him often if he needs anything. Dare completed. Check!

God had a different opinion and kept me right where He wanted me . . . on Dare #4. I needed to be more intentional with my thoughtfulness.

On a recent phone conversation with my husband I did not simply ask him how he was doing. I went deeper. For the first time I asked him to share with me how he felt about his deployment. I know being away from home is hard on him too. I’m not the service member but I assume they want to feel as though their mission serves a purpose. Did he feel good about why he was there?

And then . . . I listened and learned from him.

I thought of a book that sat on my shelf; a book by Paul E. Miller called Love Walked Among Us.  It’s another one of those books I've started but need to finish. I flipped ahead to Chapter 6: The Golden Rule. Paul Miller shares Mark 10:47-52 as an example and then wrote, “Asking questions slows us down and puts us in the other people’s worlds, hearing their words, their expressions, and their desires. We become the learner rather than the expert.”

Taking the time to ask my husband questions and then listening to him helps me to better understand the world he currently lives in (on the other end of the world) and the needs he may have so I can act on those needs. It’s a thoughtful expression of how much he matters to me.

Intentionally listening to my husband reminded me of why I started this love dare series. I had been slow to listen to him but quick to speak, and quick to get angry. I let my own desires get in the way of showing love to my husband.

The writers of The Love Dare refer to a destructive pattern of “ready, shoot, aim.” To explain this they wrote, “You speak harshly now and determine later if you should have said it. But the thoughtful nature of love teaches you to engage your mind before engaging your lips. Love thinks before speaking. It filters words through a grid of truth and kindness.”

“You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry.” ~ James 1:19

Thoughtfulness requires us to talk less and listen more. When we do, this communicates to our spouse that their viewpoints and ideas matter to us. We may not always agree with our spouse but just as we want to feel our own opinions and ideas matter, we need to do for them what we want them to do for us (Luke 6:31).

Remember, love is not self-seeking (1 Corinthians 13:5). Love honors others (our spouses) above ourselves (Romans 12:10).

Paul Miller writes in Chapter 11 of his book, “When we say ‘no’ to self and ‘yes’ to God, our love is pure.” He’s telling us God’s kind of love is not consumed with our own desires.

He goes on to share how the secret to love is a hunger for conversation with God and a hunger for Words from God. For our love to be pure we need God’s help. For His help we turn to prayer and Scripture.

The point I’m trying to make is the one I've mentioned in each post of this series. This love dare journey is all about Him. It’s about knowing Him better and what it means to follow Him. God is love. Without His help I will never learn how to love my husband with His kind of love. I need to say “yes” to God and “no” to self.

Putting my husband’s needs before my own is about surrendering to God’s will. It’s about letting God shape my life. Who better to hand over control to?

What love discoveries did I make this past week?

We were created to live a life of love (Ephesians 5:1). Without it, we are nothing (1 Corinthians 13:2b). I'm also convinced love is contagious! I received the sweetest Mother's Day message from my husband: “I wish I could come home if only for a minute and hold you in my arms and tell you just how special you are. Happy Mothers Day.” There were only a few tears when I woke to those words.

Thank you once again for following along on this journey. I'm always grateful for when you share how you were encouraged in the comments.

Dare #1: Love is patient

Dare #2: Love is kind

Dare #3: Love is not selfish

Dare #4: Love is thoughtful

Next week: Love is not rude

Love is not selfish

Before moving on to Dare #3, God spoke to me on another aspect related to how love is kind (Dare #2). Not only do I need to show thoughtful actions towards my husband, I need to be mindful of how I speak about him to others.

“Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers.” ~ Ephesians. 4:29

If I’m doing the Love Dare Challenge to become more and more like Christ, than I need to love and care for my husband as Christ loves me. If I’m tearing down my husband with my words, Christ is not reflected in me.

Again, this challenge is about Jesus. It’s about knowing Him better and learning what it means to follow Him. The Apostle Paul tells us in Colossians 3:14 we are to “put on love.” In Colossians 3:12 he describes putting on love as clothing ourselves with “compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.”

When Paul describes what we are to cloth ourselves with, we see how God’s kind of love is "directed outward towards others, not inward toward ourselves. God’s kind of love is utterly unselfish" (1 Corinthians 13:4-7, Life Application Study Bible).

In Dare #3 the writers of The Love Dare wrote, “Almost every sinful action can be traced back to a selfish motive.” It’s not surprising they address how love is not selfish early on in the book then. The Excellent or Praiseworthy: 40 Days of the Deployment Dare suggests reading this chapter more than once. They say it’s that important.

On page 11 of the book there is a convicting bottom-line statement: "you either make decisions out of love for others, or love for yourself." Since love is not self-seeking (1 Corinthians 13:5) I'd say it’s time to rid myself of selfishness.

Love Dare #3: Along with refraining from any negative comments, buy your spouse something that says, “I was thinking of you today.”

To let my husband know I am thinking of him I send him care packages!

I have not been overly creative with what has gone in the previous care packages so I wanted to make this one extra special. His unit has received plenty of care package love so the needs are limited. I’m grateful for the love they have received but challenged over what to send.

My husband did make a recent request for a box of screws. What a strange and not exciting request.

Imagine my delight when I came across his favorite chips while walking up and down the aisles of Target. I seriously did the happy dance because these chips are hard to find. I threw six of them in my cart, in addition to a bag of pistachios (another favorite of his), with a big smile on my face.

On Saturday morning, before tackling anything of my own personal liking (such as a mani/pedi) I ventured off to Home Depot for screws, because that is what love does, and then to the post office.

After sending off the care package I spent more time on how love is not selfish because I agree it’s that important.

I went back to the corresponding notes for 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 in the Life Application Study Bible: “Thus the more we become like Christ, the more we will show love to others." For Philippians 2:3 it states, "Considering others’ interests as more important than our own links us with Christ, who was a true example of humility."

I'm seeing a clear picture of how God does not want us to cloth ourselves with selfishness. He's pretty strong on the point. We are to love and honor others above ourselves (Romans 12:10).

My desire is for my husband to see Christ in me. Instead of him potentially thinking he has a selfish wife, I’d rather him describe me like the writers describe an unselfish person: "willing to set aside their own jealousy and demands to lose themselves in the joy of loving, serving and giving to another."

I’m grateful for the example Christ has given me of how to show real love to my husband. And I’m grateful for the grace of the Holy Spirit when I fall short.

What love discoveries did I make this past week?

God emphasizes loving others as very important; naming it as the Second Commandment of the Ten He gives to us. While our motivation for loving others should not be about what we gain, we are immensely blessed when we choose to love. In the past three weeks, the phone and Facetime conversations I've shared with my husband have beautifully reflected the results of choosing love. Let's just say, I've been wearing one-mighty-big-smile.

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Before moving on to Dare #4, I decided my husband needed another care package filled with love. Oh, what fun I had with this one.

Dare #1: Love is patient

Dare #2: Love is kind

Dare #3: Love is not selfish

Next week: Love is thoughtful